Crabby Golightly

Pass The Popcorn & Watch Mark Zuckerberg Get Rich

2012-05-18T18:53:07Z

LET'S ALL GAWK

Credit: Jim Cooke/Gawker

Pass The Popcorn & Watch Mark Zuckerberg Get Rich

By Elizabeth C.

CONSIDER IT THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL: Nothing else seemeds to matter as Facebook launched it's initial public offering with a company valuation at $104 billion.

Wall Street and Main Street are all agog about this moment's master of the universe, a 28-year-old socially inept wunderkind. Mark Zuckerberg, Jewish atheist, dentist's son, Harvard dropout and hoodie aficionado, becomes the world's second youngest billionaire with a net worth of $20 billion.]]> Zuck released some bullshit statement earlier about this day not being about him but rather about Facebook's employees and 900 million users.

"Right now this all seems like a big deal,'' he said. "Going public is an important milestone in our history. But here's the thing, our mission isn't to be a public company. Our mission is to make the world more open and connected. In the past eight years, all of you out there have built the largest community in the history of the world. You done amazing things that we never would have dreamed of and I can't wait to see what you guys all do going forward."

No, Zuck, you're wrong. We can't wait to see what you do, who you marry, what island you buy, whether you'll become as big a prick as those Google guys have become.

For ordinary grunts who could only watch with awe and envy, the Wall Street Journal published a 'Wealth-o-meter" to watch in live time how Zuck's wealth fluctuated as the stock rose and fell during the day.

Let's all ogle, dream, envy, then get back to work.

The Pauly D Project: A Waste Of Skittles

2012-05-18T12:36:35Z

WHITE BOY PROBLEMS

The Pauly D Project: A Waste Of Skittles

By Karen Malmquist

BROKEN GLASS, SLOPPY DRUNK CHICKS, 50 CENT AND A GHOST: Pauly D may not even know what day it is anymore; it's definitely been a crazy week for the boys. ]]> On Thursday’s Pauly D Project, Pauly gets a life-changing phone call, and the tension is about to boil over between Biggie and Ryan.

Pauly finally gets his chance to fully emulate his hero, DJ AM, at the late great DJ’s former spot Rain Nightclub. He's visibly nervous and expecting the worst, but on a weeknight that's supposed to be a little slow, it doesn’t look like there’s even enough room to breathe in the crowd. It’s like he doesn’t EVEN realize he’s on TV.

Everything’s going well during his set, but then Ryan starts handing drinks to Pauly. Biggie tries to get Ryan to cool it, because things could get out of control if Pauly gets white boy wasted. I know I’ve said this before, but Biggie is not Pauly’s security guard. Jerry is. What is Jerry doing? Oh, wait, Angel, their friend from home, is being a complete mess. Regardless of the drama in the entourage, the set goes well. Perhaps it was the ghost of DJ AM guiding him through the night, because not even Pauly’s own drunkenness could stop him.

And now for some serious Snooki/Deena-style flashbacks: Angel and her friend are making out grabbing each other’s boobs, and falling all over the place. So now Biggie’s got to keep Ryan and Pauly out of trouble while Jerry basically carries the girls back to the suite. Back in the room, the girls all tripping over everything in the bathroom and throwing up and it’s all just super gross. Oh, and Angel slips in her own vomit and asks why there’s oil on the floor. Oh, Angel. That’s not oil. Don’t worry, you’ll smell it in the morning!

The guys eventually make it back to the room, and Biggie and Jerry are pissed because it’s 6 in the morning and Pauly and Ryan still want to party. They’re making a mess, breaking glasses and thowing candy and everything. Jerry starts cleaning up after them, but Biggie tells him not to. What’s more upsetting than the broken glass everywhere is the amount of Skittles on the floor. Seriously, who would waste Skittles like that?

After Jerry gets all the shards of glass out of the carpet, and he and Biggie head to their respective rooms and finally get some rest. What a beautiful sunrise in the background as we get one final shot of Ryan and Pauly passed out in the living room, and, once again, all the Skittles Ryan dumped on the floor.

The girls, hungover as hell, pack up their stuff and head home. At breakfast, the guys try to piece together their night, and Biggie and Jerry try not to roll their eyes as Pauly and Ryan giggle about how drunk they were. During their post-breakfast nap session in the living room, Pauly gets a call from his manager. He says he needs Pauly in New York City Thursday for a big meeting with G-Unit. This is big for not only Pauly, but for Fiddy Cent, too. He’ll finally have his first guido employee!

Before the gang heads to the Big Apple, they catch a flight back home to Rhode Island for some much needed R&R. If anyone needs it the most, though, it’s Biggie. He gets his own cab home, and calls up MJ. When he gets home, he is greeted by his woman, who we learn has a tramp stamp, and gives her a nice big hug.

Biggie tells MJ about the rough couple of days he’s been having with the boys, and she asks why he is always babysitting them. It really looks like the guy is done dealing with the guys’ lifestyle. Looks like now would be the perfect time for him to settle down, huh?

Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.

Teen Gets Finger In Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich

2012-05-17T22:14:37Z

FINGER TO GO

Teen Gets Finger In Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich

By Elizabeth C.

FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD RYAN HART COULDN'T BE BLAMED FOR WANTING TO DELIVER A KNUCKLE SANDWICH TO an Arby's employee. That's because when the teen bit into an Arby's roast beef sandwich, he chomped down on something "nasty." ]]> "I was like, 'that's got to be a finger,'' Hart told the Jackson Citizen Patriot in Michigan. Sure enough, it was, or the "fingerprint portion," to be exact.

The teen purchased the sandwich through the drive-through with his mother. An employee had cut herself with a meat slicer and left for first aid, but other employees were unaware of the mishap.

"Somebody loses a finger and you keep sending food out the window?," Ryan's mom Jamie Vail tells Fox News. She said her son has been "traumatized" by the event, can't eat or sleep.

A spokesperson for Arby's called the incident an "isolated and unfortunate accident."

Mick Jagger Still Has The Swagger In SNL Promos

2012-05-17T16:00:53Z

Mick Jagger Still Has The Swagger In SNL Promos

By Elizabeth C.

ROLLING STONES frontman Mick Jagger hosts SNL this weekend and promos for the show capitalize on his rock 'n roll reputation for enjoying sex and drugs.]]> "Mick, I am so excited you're hosting," Kristen Wiig says in one spot. "I grew up on you, you taught me so much about music. Seriously, you taught me so much about using drugs … like, so many drugs. The different types of drugs …"

"I don't think we need to go there," Jagger says as Wiig launches into a litany of bleeped-out sex acts the comedian jokes the legend's taught her. "Can we cut this now?" the rocker inquirers?

Looking trim if wrinkled, Jagger still seems to have the ol' sparkle in his eye. This is the first time since 1978 that Jagger's appeared on the show. Arcade Fire, Foo Fighters and Jeff Beck will be the season finale's musical guests.

Ahead Of Facebook's IPO, Giddy Spending Blitz In Silicon Valley

2012-05-17T14:15:21Z

READY FOR THE REWARDS

Credit: Jesse Lenz/Daily Beast

Ahead Of Facebook's IPO, Giddy Spending Blitz In Silicon Valley

By Elizabeth C.

THANKS IN PART TO FACEBOOK'S IMMINENT IPO, IT'S GIDDY TIMES IN THE SILICON VALLEY.

The newly rich and impending rich are on a spending spree, according to the Los Angeles Times. Facebook's IPO hits Nasdaq's market on Friday, heralding "a new era of prosperity in a region famous for minting fortunes," writes Jessica Guynn. Consequently, company employees are spending in advance of their new wealth as a result of the company's $100 billion valuation.

Houses are selling for hundreds of thousands above their asking prices, upscale restaurant lines are long and luxury cars are zooming off of dealers' lots. Markets -- and egos -- are inflated. ]]> "We're the best thing happening in America," one anonymous one tech entrepreneur brags, who boasts celebrities "might be more famous, but this is where the true value is being created."

"We're back to the Kool-Aid-drinking times," Palo Alto builder James Witt tells the Times, alluding to the heady days of the Internet boom that occurred 10 years ago.

"Nowhere in the whole entire United States is there a market like this," real estate agent Jeff Appenrodt tells the paper. He says one client was among 51 bidders on a 1903 house selling for $849,000; the house sold for $1.4 million.

According to a 2011 Coldwell Banker study, eight of the country’s 20 priciest housing markets are in Silicon Valley or the Bay Area. One real estate agent Ken DeLeon who sold $275 million worth of homes last year, told the New York Times deliberately woos Facebook millionaires with ads on the site. “It’s amazing how you can target them,” he said.The downside to all the riches: snobbery and self-importance. "We only talk about ourselves. We don't know what goes on outside Silicon Valley," restaurateur MacNiven said. "I guess we are becoming pretty ingrown, and truly a bit smug. That doesn't look good on Silicon Valley."

Travolta Accuser "John Doe No. 1" Hires Gloria Allred

2012-05-16T22:16:15Z

PREPARE FOR SPECTACLE

Credit: Michel Rosenthal

Travolta Accuser "John Doe No. 1" Hires Gloria Allred

By Elizabeth C.

JOHN TRAVOLTA ACCUSER JOHN DOE NO. 1 JUST UPPED THE ANTE: GLORIA ALLRED HAS TAKEN HIS CASE.

The un-identified masseur withdrew his original lawsuit against the actor after he changed the date of the alleged sexual assault against him. ]]> He originally claimed Travolta groped and masturbatedin fromt of him on Jan. 16 but flight records show that the actor was in New York that same morning.

Now the New York Daily News reports that the aggressive Allred confirmed that she now represents Travolta's original accuser. So far three other men have come forward to claim knowledge of Travolta frequenting male masseurs with ulterior sexual motives. "Mr. Doe’s lawsuit was dismissed without prejudice, which means that he is still legally entitled to file a lawsuit against John Travolta if he chooses,” Allred told the paper. "We are in the process of conferring with him regarding the next steps, which he may wish to take.”
The Allred announcement comes as another masseur tells the National Enquirer that he romped with Travolta after he visited him for a massage and became aroused.

“He’s a great kisser,” Luis Gonzales told the Enquirer. "I know because I had sex with him, and he loved it."

According to Gonzales, he romped with the star at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Laguna Niguel, Calif., in 1997.

"I gladly let him lay on the table naked ... and within five minutes, Travolta spread his legs and I could see an erection,” Luis Gonzalez tells the Enquirer. “He moved around and started to breathe heavily. He’d say, ‘Oh, yeah, that feels so good! A little higher, please! ...We got into the bed that was right next to the massage table and had a really good time."

Gonzalez also told the paper that "Travolta may not identify himself as a gay man, but it doesn't dismiss the fact that he likes sex with men."

A second lawsuit against Travolta, filed on behalf of John Doe No. 2 by attorney Okorie Okarocha, is still pending.

Beautiful Smithereens: Photographer Alan Sailer Takes Aim & Hits Bullseye

2012-05-16T19:24:10Z

POW WOW

Beautiful Smithereens: Photographer Alan Sailer Takes Aim & Hits Bullseye

By Elizabeth C.

DESTRUCTION CAN BE A BEAUTIFUL THING. Just ask high-speed saboteur Alan Sailer who torpedoes food and thrift finds for fun.

The California engineer has won acclaim for his photographs of time-delayed mutilation. He works out of his garage using a homemade camera with the shutterspeed set to a one-second delay. Once he's got his subjects in place, he blows them up with a pellet rife rifle, firecracker or a handmade armament made with PVC pipe and sprinkler valve. Then he captures the resulting mayhem with his lens. The results are dazzling images of items being blown to smithereens. Above is "There's Always Room For Jello." Sailer writes on his Flickr page. "The room is a lot messier as a result. At least I was smart enough to buy sugar free Jello."

All words following photos are from Sailer's Flickr notes.]]> Credit: Alan Sailer

Sailer writes: "Green Eggs No Ham. A green paintball hitting a farm fresh salmonella filled egg. (So sue me egg industry..)"

"Popsicles Ahoy. Three popsicles arranged in a row are hit by a fast small marble. I was kind of amazed that I got what I wanted in the first shot,'' shares Sailer. "It's also great to be used a non-lead projectile so I can eat the left overs."

Credit: Alan Sailer

"Brittle Rose. Rosebud in liquid nitrogen. Pellet of .177. This meeting was fated."

Lychee Nut Detonation.

"When I got the idea to shoot some bologna, Spam also got onto my radar. I'm not a huge fan of fatty meat, so the smell in the garage is not my favorite. Without the can as a prop, this would not have been a keeper. And I have also got that darn Monty Python theme running through my head. Spam, spam, spammitty spam...

Credit: Alan Sailer

"Not So Smarties. Our librarian at work sets out a small bowl of candy downstairs. I saw the Smarties and decided why not. I thought it would be all white powder. It ended up having enough color to publish."

"Absolut Destruction. Found a little empty vodka bottle on my bike ride yesterday. (honest!) Timing could be better, but with only one bottle, this was it."

Credit: Alan Sailer
Sailer calls this "Psychotic Kitty" : "Another garage sale find bits the dust. I wish I had picked another background. Although it does make him look more ghostly. This photo looks like an outtake from a painting by the artist Luis Wain. The guy who painted those fascinating fractal, disintegrating cats." Credit: Alan Sailer

A test tube firecrackered. ": "I was lying down waiting for the Sudafed to kick in when I got this idea,'' explains Sailer. "Wrap a black painted plastic test tube with some TheraBand, which is a thin rubber band used to exercise damaged body parts. Then stick a firecracker inside and blow it up. Worked out just fine."

Via Huffington Post.

Real Housewives Of Orange County: Fairytales Turn Into Nightmares

2012-05-16T12:56:41Z

AND THEY LIVED...

Real Housewives Of Orange County: Fairytales Turn Into Nightmares

By Trisha B.

WHERE WERE WE? OH, RIGHT:

BRIANA'S MARRIED (!!!), LEAVING HER MOTHER ROYALLY PISSED. Alexis wasted money on a hosting coach, Gretchen confessed she doesn't want to get married, Tamra downsized her boobs, and while Vicki's love tank is full, everyone else thinks her boyfriend Brooks is full of shit. ]]> In Dana Point, Alexis is planning a happy 4th birthday party for her twin girls. She’s giving instructions to a couple of event planners on the lay of her house. We’re having a Princesses Love Puppies party (don’t ask) for 25 children and a parent or two. When she asks the two women if they can give her 10 minutes to spray tan, one of them looks a bit exasperated with this turn of events. In the booth Alexis wonders what her real “color” is since she tans so often. She says this party will prove she can do it all, baby. Right.

We see Slade entering Newport Jewelers. He’s shopping for a ring for his beloved Gretchen. He’s all sappy as he tells us he wants to be with Gretchen for-evaaaa. Heather joins him to give her expertise. She says she knows a little sumtin’ sumtin’ about diamonds and she thinks it’s sweet when Slade tells her he talked to Gretchen’s dad. But he has to frown when he tells her dad wasn’t exactly enthusiastic.

Heather starts things off by asking Slade if he wants to give the jeweler, a perfectly pleasant but no-nonsense guy, a ball park figure. Slade says he’d like to figure out what Gretchen would like first and then get into price. Although Gretchen indicated to Heather that she likes yellow diamonds, he nixes in horror the $250,000 yellow diamond ring he’s shown. Things get awkward. The jeweler next shows him a $37,000 diamond but that’s still too rich for him. You can feel his embarrassment when he asks if he can do an imitation stone as the centerpiece and then work towards getting something better down the line. Heather, embarrassed for him, gracefully suggests just a band. She’s so sweet when she suggests that it’s the thought and meaning, not the ring. He says he’s going to gather some money together and that he’ll be back. The jeweler looks disgusted. Cheap bastard.

Tamra’s at Terry’s office getting ready to have the last vestige of her failed marriage, Simon’s tattooed name on her finger, removed. She tells us the tat was her last ditch effort to save her marriage. And also, Eddie has promised to replace the tattoo with a ring. (According to the blogs, this has already happened.) Terry says it’ll take 10 minutes. He’s going to surgically removed the skin on her finger. Tamra’s freaked out and keeps running to the bathroom. She tells us her nerves and stomach are going crazy, and, in other words, Simon is still being a pain. As Terry does his thing, they chat about Tamra and Eddie’s relationship and that she told Eddie she won’t move in with him until she gets a ring. She’s confesses that she’s hesitant about him being with her kids.

Over in the house she cannot sell, Vicki’s having a snack with her brother. He tells her he hung out with Briana and Ryan last nite and says he still has his guard up about that situation. They both feel that the newlyweds haven’t spent enough time with each other and probably didn't discuss the realities of marriage. Vicki’s still harping about Briana taking the wedding away from her. Brother Bill wonders if the couple have another, real, wedding would Brooks would be there? Vicki looks at him like, “whaaa?” and he says it might be uncomfortable with Don. Vicki says Don dropped her and another man picked her up so that’s his loss.

Everyone’s bustling around in party mode at Villa Alexis and Jim Bellino. Alexis’ 4-year-old twins are getting their makeup done, sssccrrraattcchh. Yes, they’re getting their makeup done while Alexis runs around in a tiara. The girls look adorable. Alexis says this is so far away from the humble parties her family had growing up. She tells us the kids want a puppy but she’s not ready to pick up poop. To torture, er, satisfy their puppy lust she rented four pens of puppies for all the kids to cuddle with at the party. And, she tells us, all the puppies are up for adoption. So, for the Bellino kids, after playing with the cutest furballs you’ve ever seen, the puppies will either be adopted or disappear.

Over at the manse that plastic surgery built, Gretchen is visiting Heather, mostly because she’s heard so much about how fabulous Heather’s house is. As she enters and they go upstairs, she admires the double staircase and their monogramed floor; the sitting area, with fireplace, in their bathroom. They also have his and her bathrooms. Heather asks Gretchen how long she and Slade have been together. After telling her three years, Gretchen lets her know that she got burned, financially, in a previous relationship and dreads getting into the same situation again. But she gets choked up talking about her relationship with Slade. She’s just not sure now is the time to get married. Heather says she’s talked to Slade and that she thinks they’re on separate pages. They talk counseling and how that could be helpful. They talk babies and how Gretchen wanted to be pregnant by 36 and she’s 34 now. But the debt is a big wall between the couple. At least for her. To lighten the mood Heather offers champagne, which I think she believes cures everything.

They’re wiping up pee over at the puppy party. Then, three real live princesses arrive, dressed like Cinderellas. As their brother rings a bell at the bottom of the stairs, the Bellino princesses prepare to make their entrance. Alexis introduces them, since, as she says, this is a formal birthday party. Then she breaks the festive mood and leaves the kids open mouthed. She goes on and on about how she almost died having her babies, her symptoms, her hospital stay, her blood clot, her medications. Are you kidding me? Then she introduces the girls.

“Puppies are available to take home,” Alexis calls out. Two mothers give each other a look that says, “Yeah, right. Way to go Barbie… like we feel like picking up poop. It was already bad enough that you had PUPPIES here!” Alexis’ grand finale is a horse-drawn Cinderella carriage ride for the family.

Heather’s driving to pick up one of her kids and chatting with Terry on the phone. Sadly, she didn’t get the part she auditioned for and they used the classic rejection -- they decided to go in another direction. She’s disappointed but kind of relieved because she realizes she has a family to take care of and it would probably be more trouble than it was worth. Terry says she can focus on the restaurant and she agrees. To cheer her up, he lays on the compliments like the sweet husband he is, telling her how great she is at everything. I love him. Is that really him, can he be real or is he for the cameras? I choose to think he’s real. Sweet, rich, not drop dead handsome, but you really don’t want anyone prettier than you, do you? Damn. How lucky can a girl be?

During the party Alexis grabs hold of a two-month-old baby and hangs on for dear life. She rocks and coos and tells us she wants another one. When she tries to entice Jim to “just smell” the baby, he walks away, says he’s done. When she hands him the baby, it cries. He immediately hands it back and walks away again, this time upstairs. He’s done.

Tamra and Eddie are on a date. Tamra tells Eddie she’ll be busy this week looking for a space for her business. She tells us she doing as much research as she can. Eddie asks her to bring the kids over for a sleepover but Tamra says they’re not entirely comfortable there yet. So he says they have to spend more time there. She chokes up and tells him she thinks if the kids are around, being their kid selves, he’ll take off. She says she wonders why Eddie would take on her, and her kids. He tells her not to be afraid while she says he could have anyone he wants and he says he wants her. Then she tries to pick a fight but he says she needs to give herself some credit. It also seems Simon’s live-in girlfriend being around her kids is freaking her out a bit. Then Eddie says she needs to get that name off her finger so he can put a ring on it. Then, BAM, she shows him her stitched up finger and says the name is gone. He's so happy about that he says her finger gave him a boner. TMI, man!

Vicki’s visiting Briana at her apartment. You can feel things are still tense between them. Vicki says she feels there’s a wall between them. They sit on the couch and things go downhill from there. Briana says she thinks things are moving too fast with Vicki and Brooks. When Vicki says she feels the same way about her and her new husband, Briana tells her not to compare their relationships. Vicki still tells her she thinks they should’ve slowed down, that she didn’t know that Briana was in love with Ryan. Briana says she did. Briana says her mom is still legally married and shouldn’t be dating. Vicki says wants the divorce but she’s not rushing it because she doesn’t want to pay Don support; that she could’ve been divorced six months ago. Brianna says she knows stuff about Brooks --– his DUI, how he has 4 kids with 3 different women, that he’s not paying for his kids.

The two go back and forth about what they’ve read on the Internet and then both say how you can’t believe what you read on the internet. As their argument gets heated, Vicki says Briana’s getting out of line. Briana says Brooks is driving Vicki’s car, floating around on her dime. This pisses Vicki off but Briana keeps going, says the vibes she’s getting from Brooks are not good. She says he doesn’t try to impress her and Michael, that her mother’s trying to impress him on them. Briana ominously says she knows a lot more than Vicki thinks she does. Vicki is taken aback by her tone but says defiantly, “Fine, bring it on.”

She thinks her mom has changed since she’s been with Brooks. Vicki says it’s just that she’s finally happy but Briana’s face says she thinks this is bullcrap and asks, “Weren’t you happy with my father, weren’t you happy with Don?” Vicki yells that her father was an alcoholic. Briana accuses Vicki of being with Brooks for a lot longer time than she’s said, intimating she was cheating on Don. Vicki says they we colleagues, that they may have had an emotional relationship. Vicki says she’s got major issues with Ryan not asking for Briana’s hand but she’s decided she’ll support them. She tells Briana their relationship means more to her than anything. Briana says, OK, you’ll just have separate relationships with your kids and with Brooks. On this strained note, Vicki departs.

Trisha B. covers The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills for CrabbyGolightly. Follow her on Twitter @TrishaBTV.

In Exchange For Press, Tom Cruise Takes Playboy's Questions

2012-05-15T20:04:26Z

SINCE YOU ASKED

In Exchange For Press, Tom Cruise Takes Playboy's Questions

By Elizabeth C.

THE QUID PRO QUO BETWEEN CELEBRITY AND MEDIA REACHES ITS APEX WITH THE SIT-DOWN INTERVIEW just before a major release. So today, in a Q&A with Playboy, Tom Cruise pays due in advance of his highly-anticipated Rock Of Ages in which he plays an 80s rock legend named Stacee Jaxx.

Cruise, a master of self-control, knows that publicity's price is small truths sold as revelations. So once again, but with more feeling, we hear about the "two things" he "loves most" -- his wife Katie and movies, as well as his hunger for competence, his devotion to family and what it was like growing up with an absent father. ]]> About his wife Katie Holmes, to whom Cruise has been married since 2006:

"She is an extraordinary person, and if you spent five minutes with her, you’d see it...She has a voice and warmth as an artist, as a mother. She’s funny and charming, and when she walks into the room, I just feel better. I’m a romantic. ...I don’t know what to say --I’m just happy, and I have been since the moment I met her."

On the bad press he received after criticizing Brooke Shields for taking antidepressants and for jumping on Oprah's couch while declaring love for Holmes:

"Do I make mistakes? Yeah. I don’t care who you are, life has challenges. Whether it’s as a father, as a man, in my work, you go through things. I want to look at those things for what they really are, take responsibility, make it right and move on. How harshly I’m judged or not judged, I don’t think about stuff like that. I feel lucky. I remember as a kid I wanted an adventurous life, and I’ve gotten it. So if someone judges me harshly, it’s okay."

Cruise on growing up with an absent father:

"It wasn’t a big conflict when I was growing up; that’s just the way it was. I don’t look back and feel bad. I know some people do, but it’s not a burden I carry through life. It’s more like, Okay, this happened. That’s how he behaved, that’s how he did things. He tried, but it just was who he was. "

On his constant relocating to different cities and schools as a child:

"You’re always the new kid, with the wrong accent, the wrong shoes. You learn about people and yourself and how to deal with what was not always a safe environment. You had to figure it out. That is what life’s about, change and solving problems and living it. My mother worked three jobs, but she’s a woman for whom the cup is always half full. "
During taping of Rock of Ages, Def Leopard was on set the same day Cruise performed the group's song Pour Some Sugar on Me. "That was the first scene I shot in the movie,'' the actor tells Playboy. "It’s a great song, and I grew up listening to them. They went to the back of the Bourbon Room, and I looked at my band and was like, “Hit it.” All the crew was watching them watching me. [Afterwards] ... the lead singer, Joe Elliott, points at me and goes, “Fuck you! Fuck you!” Then I saw big smiles on their faces, and I realized I’d gotten their stamp."

On his competitive nature which propels him to try to excel:
"Whether it’s making a film or raising my children, personally I’m striving to do the right things and to learn. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person, and when I become interested in something, I give it my all. ... I guess I am always striving to be competent.
Interviewer Michael Fleming also queries Cruise, who turns 50 in July, about his preternatural youthfulness: "You’re not wrinkling up like a lot of your peers. Have you had, or would you get, cosmetic surgery?

Cruise's response: "I haven’t, and I never would."

Hova's A Hypocrite

2012-05-15T17:31:02Z

DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I SAY

Hova's A Hypocrite

By Elizabeth C.

HOVA'S A HYPOCRITE.

Hey, I'm not judging, just pointing out the obvious. If you're human it's bound to happen sooner or later. But then again, too few think of Jay Z as human, including himself.

The hip hop lord tells CNN that he backs President Barack Obama's support of marriage for gay couples, and he sounds resolute in his support.]]> "I think it's the right thing to do,'' Hova says. "So whether it costs him votes or not, it's really not about votes, it's about people."

He also compared denying the right to same-sex marriage to discrimination against blacks and added, "What people do in their own homes is their business. And you choose to love whoever you love."

Which is fantastic! A great call, a brave stance. Still I can't help think that Jay Z's support is more about ingratiating himself to the president than leading. (And wasn't it just weeks ago that Bey gushed about the first lady in a letter on her website? Is this a concerted effort to get more White House invites?)

As Gawker's Rich Juzwiak points out, Hova's not been shy about using "faggots" or "homo" in his own rhymes, just as he's generously sprinkles "bitch" and other anti-female language in his lyrics. The steely rapper has always been laser-focused on making money, advancing himself, evident in both the shooting of his brother as a 12-year-old andhis selling dope for 14 years. And remember his grab for a piece of the Occupy Wall Street movement? He wanted to sell Ts labeled "Occupy All Streets" but had no intention of kicking any of the in the direction of the anti-corporate grassroots political movement.

So hurray for Hova. Now let's see him give back and really walk the walk.

Bride In Wedding Dress Found Dead In Tub

2012-05-15T14:14:51Z

NOTHING PURE IN THIS WORLD

Bride In Wedding Dress Found Dead In Tub

By Elizabeth C.

ABRIDE IN HER WEDDING DRESS WAS FOUND STABBED TO DEATH IN HER BATHTUB. Estrella Carrera, 25, was discovered Sunday two days after she tied the knot with a 30-year-old unidentified Chicago man. ]]> Cops found her body inside her Burbank, Ill. apartment after family members reported she didn't pick up her two children who were staying with family members. An autopsy revealed she died of multiple stab wounds, and investigators suspect a "domestic situation."

As Billy Idol sang:

"There is nothin' fair in this world
There is nothin' safe in this world
And there's nothin' sure in this world.

And there's nothin' pure in this world"

'Anonymous' Suspect Enjoys Life Of The Mind While Imprisoned

2012-05-14T23:02:38Z

HARDENED CRIMINAL?

'Anonymous' Suspect Enjoys Life Of The Mind While Imprisoned

By Elizabeth C.

AT FIRST GLANCE, THE HEADLINE READS LIKE AN ONION article:

"Chicago man in Anonymous hacking case biding time in jail by reading"

]]> The Chicago Sun-Times story is about Jeremy Hammond, one of five Chicago members of the "hacktivist collective" arrested in March for allegedly charging $700,000 on stolen credit cards and hacking into the computers of the Texas-based geopolitical intelligence company, Stratfor. He pleaded not guilty to guilty to conspiracy to commit computer hacking and other charges Monday in a Manhattan courtroom.

The Sun-Times article paints Hammond as a modern-day Thoreau happily whiling away his hours in jail reading. "We’ve provided him with a ton of books,” attorney Elizabeth Fink told the Sun-Times. “He’s having a good time reading.”

Among the self-professed "communist anarchist's past misdeeds: he once rallied "against plans to hold the 2016 Olympics in Chicago because he felt it would hurt low-income people." He also once protested against neo-Nazi groups, bragged about his computing skills and was arrested for being involved in a "protest where an Olympic banner was torn down."

According to the story, Hammond is a "freegan" who scavages for discarded food to resist consumer spending; agents witnessed Hammond digging through garbage bins for uneaten food.

With Al Qaeda all but eradicated, Hammond becomes the face of America's new 'terrorist.'

Velvet-Voiced Vagabond Ted Williams Celebrates One Year Clean

2012-05-14T19:26:33Z

'ONE DAY AT A TIME'

Velvet-Voiced Vagabond Ted Williams Celebrates One Year Clean

By Elizabeth C.

HE STOLE HEARTS AND IMAGINATIONS with his smooth baritone and his impeccable manners. We first met Ted Williams when a Columbus Dispatch reporter videotaped him doing a voiceover for a handout on an Ohio street corner.]]> The story of the down-on-his luck former radio announcer became an Internet sensation, racked up millions of YouTube hits and thrusted Williams into fame's harsh spotlight. TV spots and job offers followed, but so too did revelations about Williams' drug addictions, his former previous criminal charges for cocaine possession and aggravated robbery, and his estrangement from his children.

But that was in February 2011 and since then Williams claims he has cleansed his body from drugs and alcohol. Today he's telling his tale of crime and redemption in a new book, A Golden Voice: How Faith, Hard Work and Humility Brought Me from the Streets to Salvation. Williams talks about delinquent parenting, pimping his girlfriend and lying to his mother in the book. He stopped by Today to talk to Matt Lauer about his journey: "All through that journey, I never stopped praying, I never lost hope." Take a listen to the entire conversation.

Real Housewives Of New Jersey: The Trouble With Angels

2012-05-14T17:57:26Z

BREAKING POINT

Real Housewives Of New Jersey: The Trouble With Angels

By Karen Malmquist

CAROLINE AND ALBERT AND KATHY AND RICH ARE ON THEIR WAY TO SOME MYSTERIOUS PLACE. Inside their respective cars, the topic du jour is Teresa, specifically how to cut her from their lives.]]> It's the day after the solstice party, and Melissa and Joey are tossing a football around in the front yard while the kids picnic nearby. It’s an adorable scene -- until Joey asks Melissa how the party went. She starts tearing up when she tells him that she got into it with his sister.

Cut to Teresa and Joe, who are loudly discussing last night’s events. Teresa retells the story to make Melissa sound like the Incredible Hulk. Joe calls Joey a little bitch and Melissa a golddigger. When Teresa tries to continue with her story, Joe continues name-calling. He says Kathy looks like a frog and that Rosie looks like a butchy boy. I draw the line there, pal! Rosie is a goddess.

Teresa heads over to Jacqueline’s to work out. Teresa confronts Jacqueline about the solstice party, saying that Jacqueline needs to be loyal to her. Teresa seems to be okay about everything with Jacqueline, and then the trainer arrives. She seems a bit off, and during the workouts, keeps walking into the nearby laundry to “put lipstick on” from her purse. AKA, drink. Yep, there is a bottle of liquor in her purse. Jacqueline is suspicious.

Albie, Lauren, and Chris go car shopping at a Jaguar dealership. The one they pick out is a bit pricey, so when Caroline and Christopher come by to check out the car the kids want to buy, they don’t feel good about them spending so much of their own money. Surprise! The car is an anniversary gift for their lovely parents! Aww. Now they’re okay with their kids dropping major dollars and cents.

The Wakiles are getting ready for a family barbeque and Kathy, hoping that the Manzos and Lauritas will come, gets texts from both families, saying they can’t attend. Kathy’s sad they won’t be there, and Victoria realizes that this was probably premeditated: they’re not coming on purpose, so that Teresa will have no choice but to talk to the Gorgas and Wakiles when she arrives.

Apparently Ashley changing her name to "Ashlee" wasn’t just a dumb stunt. She really is Ashlee now. Ugh. Jacqueline video chats with her while she’s at her job, and the two seem to miss each other. Ashlee’s still not allowed home until she turns her life around.

For a gold digger, Melissa seems to be putting the most work into this family’s relationship with each other. On the car ride over to the barbeque, she tells Joey that what’s important is for the kids to still be together, so there needs to be peace among the adults.

Teresa arrives with the girls, and so far everyone is getting along swimmingly. The kids are happily swimming together in the pool. Rich and Joey discuss how to handle the Teresa situation, and Rich suggests therapy. Then Joey builds up the nerve to pull Teresa aside, sit her down, and have a civil conversation with her. Joey says that he doesn’t want to argue, and Teresa starts to cry. She says that doesn’t want to deal with this anymore, and that she feels like she’s lost her brother. Both argue that the other's spouse has been interfering too much. Teresa says that Joey’s changed since marrying Melissa. When Joey tries to steer the conversation away from Melissa, Teresa pushes harder. Joey tells Teresa that she got lost in life, and that the wants the old Teresa, his sister, back. Teresa calls Joey the meanest brother ever. He counters "Don't say that Teresa. Cause I'm an angel from God." She says that for 11 years, Joey’s been bashing her husband. Joey then calmly tells Teresa to “get the hell out of here.” Teresa doesn’t get up, so Joey leaves, calling her a bitch.

"My brother's been brainwashed," Teresa spews. "It really needs to stop [with] him and his cunt wife."

Next week, Jacqueline has the “great” idea of hosting a field day with all the families. It ends with Gia in tears and Teresa and Jacqueline yelling at each other.

Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.

Mad Men: Bite Me

2012-05-14T15:47:07Z

UNSPOKEN MOTIVES

Mad Men: Bite Me

By Miz J

TONIGHT'S SHOW IS DUBBED DARK SHADOWS, a sly reference to the world's most awesome sci-fi soap opera. Featuring parallel universes, heads in boxes and vampires long before Twilight, Dark Shadows was the show that every pudgy middle schooler wearing purple (i.e., me) could not miss.

But the 70s vampire only shares "bite" in common with tonight's episode as Don cranks up his competitve drive, Roger hunts for a clientele, and Sally discovers a dark secret.]]> Betty's back, finally. We watch her literally weigh her sad lady breakfast of dry toast, cubed cheese and grapefruit on a raining morning. While Betty sucks up dry toast crumbs, our partners ride the elevator together and discuss how Pete has set up a “profile interview” of the agency through a friend at the New York Times. As Don and Joan set up the interview, Joan encourages him to put the Cancer Society letter in the agency portfolio. Don notices the absence of Peggy's work in the pile: “She's really buried on Heinz,” he mumbles, and it's amazing that it's taken so long for this to dawn on him --he flat-out told him so, drunkenly and bitterly, at his party. But I guess when you've got a hot French chick singing to you, you forget about everything else.
br>Bert and Roger discuss a piece of new business: Manischewitz, a Jewish wine. Bert says the situation requires both Roger's finesse and his wife, Jane. Roger is dumbfounded: how does Bert not know that he's getting a divorce? Bert laughs and goes, “No, not Mona. Jane.” Roger informs him that yes, he and Jane are splitting up, and Bert looks at his watch. “Already?” Yes, Bert, I know it's hard to believe that a guy like Roger, who rides a pair of twenty-something twins horseback and casually drops LSD, could just burn up a marriage. But, here we are. I guess true love really is very rare.

At Don's, Megan uses her Broadway acting skills to teach Sally how to cry -- a terrible idea if I ever heard one. I can already see her turning in an Oscar-worthy performance in about six months to cover up for a number of things: her phone calls with Glenn, smoking cigarettes, tripping Paulina with a cord, holding up a bank...take your pick, this kid's DNA screams “sociopath in the making.”

Betty drops by to pick up the kids and steps inside the apartment for the first time. As she looks around at the decor, which is at its 60s mod zenith, it's hard to believe she's actually a little jealous. Until, that is, we all get an eyeful of Megan, donning a shirt. Nothing kicks a WASP's dormant anorexia back into high gear like a glimpse of the second, younger wife's goods. This all could have been avoided if Don hadn't come across Stan and Ginsberg's “shit I gotta do” folder while putting in some Saturday work. Now, all of a sudden, Don “Carousel” Draper is back in action.

Of course, I'm wrong about the anorexia. Betty immediately becomes my new favorite person in the world by going home and squirting a bunch of Reddi-Whip into her mouth, straight from the can. It's a damn sight better than any shot of any booze. Unless you somehow combine the two and manage to avoid instantly vomiting. Which is simply not possible.

Aaaaaanyway. Monday morning at SCDP has Don, Peggy, Stan and Ginsberg brainstorming for this Snowball drink, and Don actually has an idea for once, after coasting since marrying Megan. Even Ginsberg is impressed.

So it's come to this: Betty has enrolled in Weight Watchers. The group leader asks her to share her problems because women in particular are emotional eaters -- what? Squirting Reddi-Whip straight into your mouth after seeing your ex's hot new wife ISN'T a sign of a well-adjusted woman who is totally in control of her life? Well, shut my mouth wide open (and give me a squirt too).

Megan and her friend Julia go over Julia's lines. Megan laughs at the lines in the part and they fight about how hard it is to be a working actor versus, well, having a cushy living provided to you by a sugar daddy. There's some jealousy on both ends here -- Megan's not landing any parts; Julia is working her ass off as a waitress-slash-actress. They fight, then have a lukewarm apology session before Julia dashes to her shift at the restaurant.

Roger summons Ginsberg to do the creative legwork on Manischewitz, and Ginsberg gives him the old Peggy Olson treatment -- and Sterling digs into his own pockets again, but this time to spite Bert, not Pete. Once he dismisses Ginsberg, Roger calls Jane to see if she'll go with him to the dinner with the Manischewitz clients, and she fires back about how he should ask Joan, who's a “professional something.” She tells him to buy her a new apartment, one where Roger's mother isn't her landlord. He agrees. Down the hall, Beth shows up at Pete's office in nothing but a fur coat and some lacy lingerie. After seeing Pete's picture in the New York Times, of course.

Back in Ossining, Henry fries up a late-night steak because he can't keep eating Weight Watchers fish dinners every night of the week. Betty joins him at the table and serves herself up a big helping of shame. Henry tells her that he feels like his job is a dead end, and that Betty bet on the wrong horse. She responds with some Weigh Watchers wisdom about how he needs to start thinking about himself, and she'll help him get through it. The next morning, Betty goes through the kids' overnight bags, and finds one of Don's little love notes to Megan on the back of one of Bobby's drawings. It pisses her off, so she throws a dart at Sally, who's quietly working on her family tree project: “Don't forget your father's first wife.” Sally points out that Betty is already on the tree, but Betty persists with the psychological damaging of her only daughter: “No, your father had another wife before me.” And then, twisting that dart around in Sally's back, “I'm surprised Megan didn't tell you, go ask her about it.” You know, I'd like to blame this bitchitude on the celery sticks and lack of beef in Betty's diet, but we all know she was like this before she ever needed Weight Watchers.

Another day at SCDP. Don presents his and Ginsberg's ideas to the account team. They choose to take both. Later that night, Don takes the boys out and leaves a stewing, budding sociopathic Sally with Megan, who tells her she's a phony. Megan tries to tell Sally that it wasn't her place to explain the Anna Draper situation to her. She insists that Sally talk to Don, and Sally turns on the kind of charm that only her mother could teach her. Later, as Sally sleeps, Megan tells Don what happened, and Don blows his top, trying to call up Betty to give her a piece of his mind. Megan stops him and says not to let her poison them from 50 miles away -- and she certainly has a point—so Don hangs up the phone and chills out a little bit.

Naturally, in the middle of the night, Peggy is working, and Ginsberg comes in to work on Manischewitz, and Peggy is pissed that Roger went to someone else instead of her. This is one of those situations where the phrase “Don't take it personally” comes in handy -- sometimes, you just don't know what the reason is behind someone's decision. And in advertising, every move everyone makes is a fucked-up combination of luck, skill, and what we call the “right place/right time phenomenon.” Totally out of your control. If only someone could clue Peggy in. She could really use a night off.

Early the next morning, Don gets a frantic phone call from Pete about the New York Times article, which doesn't at all mention SCDP. “It's a bullshit piece on the usual assholes,” he says, worried. “Compares them to PHILOSOPHERS.” Don gets up to take a look -- it's DDB and other hippie types. They argue about whose fault this is, and Don uses this angry energy to, OF COURSE, talk to Sally.

Monday morning brings a tough discussion between Peggy and Roger in the elevator, and a cab ride for Ken, Harry and Don to the Snowball client's office. Don “accidentally” leaves Ginsberg's idea in the cab. Don's idea wins the day -- because , as Harry reveals to Ginsberg, Don left the other idea in the cab. In the elevator, Ginsberg confronts Don, who tells him they made a sale and that's all that matters. “I feel bad for you,” Ginsberg says, and Don replies, “I don't think about you at all.”

Later that night, Betty tells Sally she got an A on her family tree, and asks her about how her discussion with Megan went. When Betty learns that everything went better than she expected, she's clearly pissed. Nice try, Bets. Have a squirt of Reddi-Whip, old girl, you've earned it. Meanwhile, 50 miles away, Roger and Jane wine and dine the Manischewitz client, and their son seems to have a thing for Jane. It's a success. So on the way home, Roger asks Jane to show him the new apartment she's made him buy, and they get busy. Looks like another Joan special is in the works. Hope Jane likes surprises. Naturally, the next morning, Jane has regrets, and Roger actually apologizes for being a cad.

Speaking of surprises, Pete's getting more brash by the day. On the train ride into the city, Howard tells him about how he's trying to spend every last minute with his “side piece” before Thanksgiving, and Pete says, “Why don't you stay with your girl and I'll go screw your wife?” Instead of being all incensed about it, Howard laughs and says, “Yeah, good luck with THAT,” and Pete's smirking to himself like, “Yo, there must be a four-leaf clover on my BALLS, cause your lady got lucky YESTERDAY.”

Thanksgiving morning at Don's --Megan tells Don that Julia got the part she'd been rehearsing so hard for, and that she's going to buy some champagne. At the Francis household, Betty says that she's happy she has everything she wants and that no one has anything better, then indulges in one Brussel sprout and two bites of stuffing like it's the most bitter food in the world.

Personally, I find the whole thing delicious.

Miz J has an attitude. Deal with it. Check out her NSFW comedy podcast, I SAID IT, on iTunes or follow her on Facebook or on Twitter @askmizj.