And here's Lisa calling Camille from her car. And calling Adrienne, then Kim as the phones ring and ring. She laments to us that no one answers their phone in Beverly Hills. She finally catches up with Kyle and invites her to the party. Kyle asks about the dress code and notes that going to Mohamed’s probably entails wearing a ball gown. Then they laugh about Adrienne washing a chicken with hand soap. “Who does that?” Lisa asks. I think she knows.

When Lisa calls Taylor she seems to reluctantly invite her. Then we find out the reason why. It seems Mohamed has had a falling out with Russell and she wonders if Taylor will want to come alone. Of course she does. She’s told them to still invite her. Then we’re visiting a cake store with Taylor and Dana to get a cake for Taylor’s daughters’ fifth birthday. This year’s theme is ranch. The horse kind, not the salad dressing. Of course they look at $2,000 cakes while, in a flashback, Taylor remembers that Kennedy didn’t really enjoy her $60,000 fourth birthday as much as mommy did. She tells us this year will be more low key. I bet that edict came from Russell.

Kyle’s visiting the plastic surgeon with her mother-in-law and sister-in-law. Mom Estella is having a facelift. Ha, the surgeon is Paul. Then we see another flashback and remember her talking to Paul about doing something. She has 40-year-old hair so I guess she wants a face to match. As we see Kyle watching Paul draw all over her mother-in-law’s face with a black marker she tells us she’s not really with this vanity surgery stuff.

Wow, they’re doing the surgery RIGHT NOW. I thought she was in the consultation stage but girlfriend was ready to go. I don’t see much more because I can’t stomach TV surgery. I’m squeamish that way. The surgery crew chats about this and that, laughing and joking. The entire family has joined Kyle and her sister in law in the waiting room. Kyle’s freaking out while her sister-in-law tells her mom, who looks like a netted ghoul, she looks great! Kyle flees the room so Estella doesn’t see her face and see how upset she is about how she looks.

Over at Taylor’s, a personal chef, hired for the night, is preparing dinner. She’s invited Kyle and Mauricio over. Oh, and they brought the lovely little Porshia. And there’s Russell, awkward as ever. I don’t know if he wears dentures or what but his smile is just always so fake and tortured. Kyle and Mauricio act affectionately with each other and kiss while Russell stares at them. Then Russell asks them if they’ve seen the US Weekly story that he and Taylor had separated that day. He tells them that he knows Lisa is good friends with an editor at the magazine. Taylor wonders if the editor would have told Lisa the information but really they’re just blaming Lisa. Kyle says probably not. Russell keeps saying he’s not accusing Lisa while accusing her. Then, when he talks lawyers and lawsuits, Kyle gets uncomfortable and wonders if they’ll blame her next for the leak. She says their marital troubles are all over Beverly Hills so it could have been anyone. Russell is clearly regretting throwing in with this lot.

Lisa, in a pink bathrobe, is searching her huge mansion for her husband. Instead, she finds Pandora and Jason who’ve just arrived. Lisa insists someone find their son Max, who must attend the party or else Lisa won’t speak to him again. When Max shows up he looks like he’d like to be anywhere else. Ohh, love Lisa’s dress, it’s all black and bling and probably cost 10 grand. Then Kim calls to cancel, as usual. Before they leave Lisa gives Pandora a present. Pandora gasps as Lisa gives her a beautiful necklace that incorporates the diamond bracelet she was given when she was pregnant with her. It’s touching and I love the box it’s in. Doesn’t take much for me, I’ll take the box. Jason also gets a present, a Frank Mueller watch. Oh, to be rich. The kids thank the parents, Lisa fixes her makeup and they’re off.

OK, there are camels, swans, dancing girls in costume with feathered fans. This should be some party. There’s Julia, Mohamed’s much younger girlfriend. Taylor, carrying a big ol' gift, freaks out when she sees the snakes entwined around the arms of the dancers. And then she freaks at the camel. All the women arrive, and there’s Martin, the perennial guest. Paul and Mauricio compare chest hair volume. Champagne glasses are raised. Lisa tells us that this is far swankier than most BH parties because Mohammed is ridiculous. And ridiculously wealthy as well. There’s even a mermaid flapping around the pool. Over the top, YES. Love it.

Taylor wants to talk to Lisa about the tabloid leaks but knows that her daughter’s engagement party is not the time. She’s smart enough to know that a scene here could blackball her from being invited to any more parties like this. Pandora shows off her necklace. Kyle tells us she wants to ask Mohamed to have her daughter’s engagement party there as well. Oh, Kyle, can you at least wait til she finds someone?

Ooh, I see a black guy. Represent, brother. Now the guests are getting spray-on tattoos. Then on to the ball room with a Moroccan band to accompany the dancers. He’s put a freaking tent in his ballroom. Oh, Martin has a friend along, a dazzler named Dazzla or something like that who tells the ladies she calls her husband Daddy. The women are incredulous as she asks them if they call their husbands Daddy. Adrienne is like “Wwwhhaaatt???’ Taylor thinks she’s an inappropriate guest and wonders why Russell was banned and this wackjob woman is here.

Meanwhile Kim is having dinner with her secret. She dating a guy named Ken who looks like an escaped mental patient and talks like a gangster. She’s been dating him for a year! And hasn’t told anyone since she didn’t want anyone’s advice. I can understand that. Oh, but Kyle is definitely gonna have an opinion on this guy. She tells us her family doesn’t like anyone and tells Ken, the boyfriend, that they’re hard. The two met at the mailbox and Kim made the first move. That sly little blonde minx. She’s totally in love it seems and he loves her. They kissy, kissy.

As the party winds down Lisa thanks the guests for coming and thanks Mohamed for throwing the party. The dancers contort on a table like they’re in Cirque du Soleil. Kyle tells the girls she can do that too. Though they don’t doubt her, she climbs up on the table and does a split while the dancers surround her. Then she raises one leg and thoroughly gets into it. Taylor, feeling left out, also climbs on the table to lift a skinny leg to show her flexibility as well. Both have probably had too much to drink.

Things were pretty calm tonight with no Dana or Brandi to disturb the party vibe. I’ve had enough of Brandi’s weeping to last me a few weeks.