We discover it's all a bad dream as Emily wakes in a cold sweat, grabs for her gun and almost shoots Jack's dog, who's somehow found his way back to her porch. She comes outside as dawn is breaking to pet his belly. And since apparently Victoria never sleeps, she watches Emily from her perch next door and makes a phone call. She's dying to find out more about the woman next door.

Across town, Jack tries to get Declan to eat something. Their father died, and now they're trying to make sense of everything. Declan feels horrible about their fight, and how they'll never reconcile. During the most somber moment, Emily arrives to return the dog, and Jack relays the bad news to her. She tells him about losing her dad suddenly too, and tells him to take care of himself, but chooses not to stay.

Charlie, Daniel's sister/Paris Hilton knockoff, is awakened on this idyllic Hamptons morning by her frat boy-boyfriend, who basically broke into her bedroom by scurrying up a drainpipe like the borderline-obsessive class act we've all been trained to pepper spray. Victoria nonchalantly bops into Charlie's room to tell her to get out of bed -- and to tell her boyfriend that the drain pipe is in full view of the conservatory downstairs. Instead of kicking him out, or explaining to him what is and what is not appropriate behavior, it adds up as another one of those ha-ha Kodak moments.

Meanwhile, Victoria is planning another party, this time for Sen. Tom Kingsley. Not surprisingly, Sen. Kingsley also had a hand in Emily's father's ill-fated trial -- and naturally, Emily has volunteered to help Victoria with the party, seeing as how she also volunteered for Kingsley's first campaign. You know that phrase, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer?”

Victoria is annoyed that the senator and his wife are staying on as houseguests -- and that Conrad is trying to get back in her good graces after sleeping with Lydia. While they bicker, their next door neighbor is developing quite an addiction to YouTube, particularly the David Clark channel. As she watches and seethes, she calls Nolan to see how dastardly his tech skills can be. She left a small tablet behind at Victoria's, and I'm pretty sure that wasn't a mistake.

Daniel knocks at the door as Emily hurriedly uploads the video. He lets himself in, and as he lingers in the hall, he finds a loaded gun in the linen cabinet. "We should go shooting sometime," he offers, proving once again that money can't buy brains.

A short while later, they take a seat at a swanky steak house, and Emily pockets the steak knife. She then excuses herself to ask for a new one from Patrick, the bartender, and heads for the ladies' room to let the carnage unfold. By the time she's sprayed some Glade, Patrick's just about finished knocking the windshield out of Daniel's car. He screams at Daniel about what Daniel did to his sister; Daniel says he has every right to be pissed and that he's sorry.

Back at the townie bar, Jack and Declan have an impromptu wake, and Nolan arrives to offer a free round to the crowd. Nolan and Declan get to talking and scheming. And they're not the only ones. At a much more decorated table across town, Victoria and Conrad entertain their guests. The senator receives a message on his tablet to open a file in private. Some footage has been sent, blackmail style. It's just of the senator walking into a building, then another with more footage of him with a woman. Victoria senses the “crisis,” and asks about it. She's assured that they'll take care of it. “Don't you always?” she baits Conrad as we flash back to David's trial. Victoria had begged Tom, then the lawyer against David Clark, to recant her statement. She perjured herself, but Conrad wouldn't let her recant because he knew they were having an affair. Which is why, when she gets all haughty about Conrad banging Lydia, it's like, “Bitch, please.” Turns out she wrote David a letter, telling him she's trying to exonerate him. It was pointless. But now that Emily has all this pervy sex footage of Kingsley, he's going down (in a very different way).

Kingsley's aides ask him about the affair. Tom's confused -- the relationship ended, and on good terms, despite that oopsie pregnancy at the end. Tom says he gave her the money to “take care of it.”

Back at Emily's, Daniel apologizes about the embarrassing situation at the restaurant. He comes clean about how Patrick's sister Sarah was in a drunken car accident with him last summer. She's still in rehab, and Daniel will never see her again. “You think I'm a bad person?” he asks. “I think people should own up to the mistakes they make. You should talk to her, tell her what you told me.”

Meanwhile, Nolan's wasted, so Declan drives him home. They talk more about “getting even.” Declan spills the beans on the kid that wasted him: Adam Connor, Charlie's drain-pipe shimmying Prince Charming. Nolan has just accessed his web cam, and hands the laptop over to him. “Keep it.”

Another lovely day in the Hamptons, another lush party for a dirty politician. Nolan has set it up so that when Tom goes to recite his speech, the porno will play. He approaches the podium and opens his tablet. It says “Happy Father's Day. Look for the red dress.” He looks up and his very pregnant mistress is beaming at the back of the room. Another pop-up on the tablet reads, “Your revised speech.” Wooo, this is gonna be GOOD. Tom announces that he's not actually running for any office, and that he'll return all contributions that he worked so hard to ill-get that evening. Tom's aides inform him that the mistress says he's been contacting her and invited her tonight. Poor thing is just another of Emily's pawns.

After that shitshow, Emily and Victoria are left alone for a moment. Emily asks to call her “Victoria” instead of “Mrs. Grayson.” Done.

Even though she already destroyed Tom's career, she was intent on destroying his life too -- she released the videos to the press so Mrs. Kingsley would know the truth.

Miz J has an attitude. Deal with it. Check out her NSFW comedy podcast, I SAID IT, on iTunes or follow her on Facebook or on Twitter @askmizj.