CONFESSED killer and Hitler incarnate Anders Behring Breivik underwent the surgeon's knife to look more "Ayran,'' Norway's chief of intelligence told the Sunday Times.
"Hitler would have had him on posters,'' Janne Kristiansen reportedly said. "He has the perfect, classic Aryan face," she said. "He must have had a facelift."
Now if she can just explain thes blond hair and blue eyes she'll have him all figured out.
FAMED ELUSIVE HIJACKER D.B. COOPER MAY FINALLY BE IN THE CROSSHAIRS OF THE F.B.I.
Cooper is the name given by the hijacker of a Northwest flight from Portland to Seattle on November 24, 1971. The man took a seat and slipped a note to a stewardess threatening to blow up the plane if he didn't get what he wanted. And what he wanted was four parachutes, $200,000 in cash, and the plane to fly south under 10,000 feet altitude in exchange for the release of 36 passengers. The FBI agreed, the hostages deboarded in Seattle.
Somewhere over southwestern Washington, the hijacker opened the plane door and jumped out.
Now, the F.B.I. has revealed to the Seattle Post Intelligencer that it's investigating its most promising lead in 40 years in identifying who was really DB Cooper.
According to Ayn Sandalo Dietrich, spokeswoman for the FBI's Seattle office, an item believed belonging to the suspect has been sent Quantico, Va. for forensics testing. Authorities will compare fingerprint and DNA evidence from the recently collected item with that found on a black JCPenney clip-on tie and cigarette butt that the hijacker left on the plane.
It's back at our lab and we hope to compare it to partial fingerprints we got in the hijacking," Sandalo Dietrich told seattlepi.com. "It would be a real break if it came back."
The latest suspect was brought to authorities' attention from someone with a "strong" connection to the man, but it will take weeks for forensics testing to conclude that there's a link. Authorities won't say if they new suspect is dead or alive.
D.B.Cooper has become a legend in pop culture, with the movie the Pursuit Of D.B.Cooper "speculating on the fate" of the notorious hijacker.
In 1980, a boy camping with his family near the Columbia River found $5,800 in bills whose serial numbers were traced to the bills given to hijacker, whom many agents believed died when he jumped from the plane with a parachute sewn shut.
A 20-year-old aspiring computer programmer was killed by a blood clot that his parents say was caused by him playing Xbox for up to 12 hours at a time.
An autopsy on Chris Staniforth showed that the cause of death was pulmonary embolism, which strikes individuals who sit in the same position for long periods of time. Staniforth died in May of a blood clot that developed in his leg and broke loose and traveled to his lungs.
Now Staniforth's father David is launching a public awareness campaign to warn gamers of the dangers of sitting in one position too long.
"He lived for his Xbox,'' David Staniforth said. "I never dreamed he was in any danger."
The grieving father refuses to blame the maker of Xbox -- Microsoft -- saying "It isn't their fault that people use them for so long. But I want to highlight the dangers that can arise. Playing on it for so long is what killed him - and I don't want another child to die."
His son, who was supposed to study game design at Leicester University, "got sucked in playing Halo online against people from all over the world."
The news generated thousands of comments at Yahoo's game page from the usual trolls to staunch gamers and anti-gamers. "Would it do any harm to completely outlaw video games?," commented someone signing as AZ. "As far as I know, they serve ZERO benefit to whoever is playing."
Countered TomGreen99200: "If he was sitting and reading a book for hours with out taking a break this wouldn't be in the news. Stop trying to demonize video games!"
If you're looking for cheap entertainment, head on over to Yahoo for the comments. Just remember: you've been forewarned.
Via The Sun
SCOTT FROM SCOTT'S PIZZA TOURS GETS REALLY EXCITED ABOUT PIZZA BOXES.
So much, in fact, that he has friends send him boxes from pizzerias around the world. Consequently, Scott's become a de facto expert in the arcane subject of pizza box design.
Above, he gives us a look at his collection and shares with us his vote for the best pizza box in the world: Rossopomodoro in Italy.
His reasons are myriad: the cover graphics spell out how the company's pies meets the Traditional Speciality Guaranteed (TSG) of Italy's Neapolitan pizza pies as designated by the European Union. It has 17 slits for ventilation to avoid the "soggification of the crust,'' Scott says. The interior has a reflective polyester lining that keeps the pie warm and prevents oil from being absorbed by the cardboard to enable recycling.
"As of right now, as of this moment, this is the best pizza box on the planet, It's just everything about it, even from the design elements -- look at it, to the um, to the engineering. I think it's absolutely beautiful."
You know what they say about beauty and the beholder, so we won't raise an eyebrow toward Scott but compliment him on his enterprise for making tours of pizzerias a working gig.
Oh, you got a pizza box you want to share? Email him at scott@scottspizzatours.com.
"I would love to get your pizza box," he says.
Via BoingBoing.
IN CASE you're confused about the real purpose of the U.S.'s Bureau of Ocean Energy Management, Regulation and Enforcement, here's a story to distill the answer: A wildlife biologist who co-wrote a report on dead polar bears that became ammunition for climate activists has been suspended while his "integrity" is investigated.
Dr. Charles Monnett co-authored an article for the peer-reviewed Polar Biology in which he reported seeing dead polar bears during an aerial survey of the Beaufort Sea in 2004.
Monnett and coauthor Jeff Gleason speculated that the melting polar cap has shrunken land mass, thus making it more difficult for the bears to withstand violent storms.
"Drowning-related deaths of polar bears may increase in the future if the observed trend of regression of pack ice and/or longer open water periods continues," they wrote.
The Alaska-based scientist claimed that no dead bears had been spotted in aerial surveys for 17 years prior to the 2004 sighting -- an assertion that's been questioned by the agency.
Dr. Monnett's article subsequently was used by activists sounding alarm bells about global warming. "As word of the sightings spread, images of drowned polar bears became a staple for activists who warned that global warming and the retreat of sea ice were threatening the bears’ survival,'' the Times reported today.
Monnett was notified of the suspension in a letter signed July 18. His supervisors had approved of the paper's publication but later "blasted" the scientist after the claims circulated.
In an interview with Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility (PEER), which accuses the ocean management agency of harassing Dr. Monnett for political reasons. In an interview with PEER, Monnett said, "They don’t want any impediment to, you know, what they view as their mission, which is to, you know, drill wells up there."
PEER asserts it's the Bureau of Ocean Management whose integrity is in question, saying Monnett's "seven-page paper, which had undergone internal peer review, management review and outside peer review coordinated by journal editors, galvanized scientific and public appreciation for the profound effects that climate change may already be having in the Arctic."
The Guardian reports today that BOEMRE has been criticized for its work and cites a 2009 Government Accountability Office report concluding:
"Alaska Boemre has continued to ignore science and traditional knowledge in its decision-making about oil and gas development."
According to PEER Executive Director Jeff Ruch said in a statement: "Ever since this paper was published, Dr. Monnett has been subjected to escalating official harassment, culminating in his recent virtual house arrest.”
He warns that "this is a cautionary tale with a deeply chilling message for any federal scientist who dares to publish groundbreaking research on conditions in the Arctic.”
NOW COMES this heartbreaking tale from the U.K. Telegraph: A kitten up for adoption at the Wood Green animal shelter in Godmanchester keeps getting passed over because she's marked with a Hitler mustache.
At least that's the sad yarn being told by shelter staff, which made the damning decision to name the cat "Kitler."
The black and white feline was found near death by the side of a road and nursed back to health. Now up for adoption, she's been ignored by "hundreds of people visiting the centre looking for a pet."
"Kitler is an adorable little girl who will make a wonderful addition to the right family,'' spokeswoman Tara Dundon said. "She is really playful and a typical sweet kitten."
Quick! Someone tell Dundon that this kitten is a victim of a marketing scheme gone bad: Even the photograph shows "Kitler" giving a faux Hitler salute.
Couldn't they just rename her something blandly conventional like Milly? My guess is the joker who named her just wanted to be part of the meme.
LOOKING pretty, perfumed and ready for anything, our Housewives are aligned on their separate couches of crazy.
The brunettes, Kelly, LuAnn, Cindy, and Jill (redhead) to Andy's right; the blondes, Ramona, Sonja and Alex to his left. Time to watch the jibber jabber fly.
First thing mentioned: the pregnancy test and the awkwardness of where it was taken. Ramona tells the group the Sonja brought it with her to the party. Do I sense a bit of sheepishness about the pregnancy scare now, Ramona? But she is still having her period. Did she see Jill's menopause comments yet?
Now a couple of fight clips -- Sonja vs. Cindy, Sonja vs. Alex, Ramona vs. Jill, Jill vs. Alex. A montage of all the ladies saying it’s the wrong time, wrong place. Luann says it's never the right time because they really only see each other at social events. But what about all the lunches, LuAnn? Clips of battles between blondes and brunettes. Alex fighting for Simon (and marriage equality), Kelly's ruined tattoo, LuAnn telling Alex one moment "that I’ve only been a friend to you," then in the next -- "get a life." Sonja kicking Alex out of her house.
Andy fleshes out the marriage equality kerfuffle regarding Sonja denying Simon a speaking part in the festivities. Alex says they definitely were asked to speak and only found out at the podium that they were being denied. Sonja insists she had no part in the decision. She also insists that she didn't want to throw Alex outta her party but, well, there were other guests there. Kelly tries to explain that Alex was asked to speak but... at that Sonja butts in with, yes, there were shenanigans. Oh God, my head hurts already. I'm done with this subject even if they’re not. But not before telling you that Jill still swears that Simon attacked Sonja. Alex tells Andy it was crowded and loud. Simon just wanted to be heard.
A viewer questions how Kelly has the gall to call Alex weird. Ha. Kelly, it seems, is bothered by Alex's constant red face. Then she calls herself a nice person. Alex says she may be nice but not to her. Kelly's appalled. Alex then accuses her of acting like a five year old. Alex's nervousness also unnerves Kelly. Alex says Kelly doesn’t really know her.
We see a clip of Kelly at breakfast in Morocco, spilling Sonja's business. She tells LuAnn and Cindy that Sonja’s house hasn’t been renovated and it's dirty. Oh, that's NICE. More clips of Jill dissing Sonja's masquerade party, talking to us about Sonja's bankruptcy, Sonja crying about the bankruptcy. And finally, Sonja’s White Swan burlesque performance. Andy talks about the $700 million lawsuit that led to her bankruptcy and she explains that she was sued because she had the assets. And she lost the appeal. Damn. She cries when she tells the group that what she's most sad about is the failure of her marriage. But she doesn’t get into real details. Damn. She doesn’t have a settlement yet but says she's not the first woman this kinda stuff has happened too. She doesn’t think her troubles have affected the way she's treated the other women this season, she’s shown herself as she is. Her most cringe-worthy moment? When the bankruptcy was the topic of discussion before she was ready. Oh, and she doesn’t pay in restaurants because she was a restaurant consultant. And, besides, she's bringing the heat wherever she goes. Snap! If Sonja checks you out, others will follow. All right, girl. And she did make me want to visit Cipriani.
Andy then questions Sonja's aggressiveness with the other women this season. She admits she can be full of herself but she also knows how to laugh at herself. Her house has been renovated she says emphatically. So fuck you, Kelly. And fuck housework. LuAnn says she was uncomfortable with Kelly saying Sonja's house was dirty. Ramona insists the house is clean. Kelly says it’s just not up to her standards. Sonja ridicules her for always saying "I'm nice. I'm nice. I’m nice." She tells her she hasn’t criticized her house. And she has not. Sonja gets revved and starts reading Kelly like a book. Enough so that Kelly insists, now, that it isn’t her business. Yeah, I thought not.
A viewer questions who owns Kelly's house. Well, her ex does. Pot -- Kettle. Then Kelly tries to get out of what she said again, without success. Cindy jumps in and calls Sonja grand. Sonja says absolutely I am! And says she was grand before she got married. Ooooh, two snaps with a twist! Then the viewers questioned Sonja's grand ways -- the staff, the parties, the name dropping. She says that's who I am, what can I do. Love her.
Now to Jill and Ramona. We see scenes of Jill either talking shit about Ramona or arguing with her. Ugh, and that fake dramatic showdown in Morocco. While talking about whether Ramona's wine was for drinking or donating at Jill’s party, Jill says she heard Mario has been cheating. Then they gloss right over it. They debate whether it was worse that Jill called Ramona and Alex fucking bitches at the wedding in the Hamptons; or if Ramona and Alex wore white (cream, Alex says). When, all of a sudden, Jill and Alex get all bitch-face and call each other fucking bitches. Then, as soon as that started, it ends. Gloss.
Is Ramona going through menopause, Andy wonders? Jill calls Ramona and Sonja rude for hogging one of only two bathrooms during LuAnn's party. For a damn pregnancy test. To LuAnn's chagrin, Ramona throws out that she was bored on the boat anyway. Ramona says Jill always lies until she gets caught. Jill says Ramona was jealous of her relationship with Bethenny while Ramona was always seen trying to get them together. When she tried at her apartment Jill called ambush. Jill says Bethenny had a biting mouth and scared her. Andy and Ramona laugh and say she has a biting mouth too. A viewer accuses Jill of only talking bad behind a girlfriend's back. Oooo, too much crosstalk. Seriously.
When Ramona calls herself forthright instead of rude, Jill makes throw-up noises. Andy accuses all the ladies of acting like beasts. He’s right, I can’t keep up. Cheating. Commercial. Rest.
We return to clips of the crazy antics of Sonja and Ramona. Turtle time, belly dancing, going commando, old times, good times. Jill, fucking bitch, tries to start shit by saying she didn’t see Alex much in those clips. Bitch. Andy defuses that by saying Sonja and Ramona have been Frick and Frack all season. They talk about Sonja's vajayjay flashing and how Kelly was insulted by it. Sonja said she didn't show it, gave just a flash. Hee. Sonja and Brian have broken up after three years. Wow, didn't know it was that long.
Ha, Andy also agrees that Kelly showed flashes of reason this season as they show her being reasonable. Still don’t like her. She’s a prude and a downer. Andy just asked what changed for this season, meds? She said she hasn't been interrupted. People got a chance to hear her. Alex is not having it and says she still doesn't make any sense. A viewer brings up Kelly's former abuse and she says it was in her twenties and over. But Andy won’t let it go till Kelly tears up and says Gilles saved her. Kelly says Bethenny was too aggressive and she's not used to having people like her in her life. A viewer says Kelly laughed at Bethenny’s margarita and wonders if she's she laughing now that Bethenny got bank. Kelly wishes Bethenny success; thought branding the word "skinny" was brilliant. Oh, her flashes of reason.
It's Cindy’s turn, almost forgot she was there. We see her skirmishes with party girls Sonja and Ramona and relive the infamous conference call at breakfast and the ensuing clashes. She says the ladies made her nervous and were mean to her. When she brings up the incident between Ramona and her brother, Ramona says that in addition to smoking her dead friend's cigars, he also wore his suit to the wedding. Ramona asks Andy if he would wear a dead man's suit to a wedding and he says he doesn’t know. Alex agrees with me that Cindy is too freaked out about her kids. Ramona says she and Cindy liked each other at first but then the brunettes got involved. Cindy says the brunettes embraced her with open arms. Cindy agrees with a viewer that Sonja thinks she's better than others. Remember… the pecking order comment. Sonja says the pecking comment was about Ramona not her. Cindy is frustrated they won't let her talk, then compares Ramona's Pinot affection to a heroin addiction. Sonja says that’s not fair. Oh God, the conference call, again. Cindy's on a roll, she's done with all the blondes. The brunettes shout out that Cindy has a real job, a real diss to Sonja. So Sonja brings up the Vivienne Tam trip and the broken veneer, the cancelled lunch at Cipriani, and, the ultimate insult… an invite to Quag, the lesser Hamptons town. Andy says this conversation is exhausting and I concur. Whew.
Cindy was offended at Sonja turning up her nose at Quag --her friend has a beautiful horse farm there. Ramona shouts out that it was a kiddie party, then an argument breaks out on whether adults could ride horses as well. Oh no, clips of Ramona calling LuAnn a weekend mom, LuAnn’s displeasure with Ramona’s Moroccan antics, LuAnn’s insinuation of Mario’s cheating and Ramona calling out the count's indiscretions. LuAnn wonders why Ramona is not more supportive of her single motherhood and Ramona says because she always acts so superior. Dahllling. LuAnnn wonders how she hasn’t been nice to Ramona. Andy says she called Ramona a bitch. Ha. Alex pipes up that LuAnn also talks about Jill behind her back which LuAnn quickly shoots down. Ramona says LuAnn and the count had an open marriage. LuAnn gets emotional when she talks about how supportive she thought she was of Ramona. How she just translated what the fortune teller said and never voiced any suspicions of her own about Mario cheating. Ramona’s not buying it.
Back from commercial and we’re still talking about weekend mom LuAnn. Insinuating poor parenting, Ramona wonders why LuAnn's daughter transferred schools four times in four years. Jill gets pissed and screams at Ramona to leave LuAnn’s children alone. Then Jill gets up and leaves saying she’s not talking about children.
And this is only part one.
TOXICOLOGY tests on tortured artist Amy Winehouse can't come soon enough to resolve the mystery surrounding her death.
Only hours after the Grammy winning blues singer was found dead in her bed, friends were quoted in British newspapers saying she had been on a vodka bender and had taken the "Love Drug" ecstasy.
"My friend's boyfriend is a policeman, and he's the one who found Amy Winehouse dead,'' TV producer Danny Panthaki claimed on Twitter. "Overdosed on ecstasy." The account has since been deleted.
The U.K. s Daily Mail reported that the gifted singer and songwriter was seen buying drugs in Camden the night before her death.
Yet Winehouse's father keeps insisting publicly that his daughter had kicked her habits and now believes she died of alcohol withdrawal, People has confirmed. And an unidentified source told the U.K.'s Sun that "abstinence gave her body such a fright, they thought it was eventually the cause of her death."
At his only daughter's memorial service, held at Edgwarebury Cemetery in North London, Winehouse said, ""Three years ago, Amy conquered her drug dependency, the doctors said it was impossible but she really did it. She was trying hard to deal with her drinking and had just completed three weeks of abstinence."
The former taxi driver said his daughter had found good love with film director Reg Traviss. "He helped her with her problems and Amy was looking forward to their future together,'' said Winehouse, who was devoted to his daughter. "She was the happiest she has been for years. "
Though his daughter's drug problems forced her to cancel a summer tour and led her to being booed offstage in Belgrade just last month, the elder Winehouse insists his daughter was healthy and happy.
"...Knowing she wasn't depressed, knowing she passed away, knowing she passed away happy, it makes us all feel better."
There's a chasm between vodka bender mixed with ecstasy and "conquered her drug dependency." Both tales can't be true.
We'll know in four to six weeks when the toxicology reports return.
FINGERS ARE POINTING BETWEEN LOS ANGELES COPS AND MEMBERS OF THE CROWD THAT AMASSED WEDNESDAY NIGHT FOR THE PREMIERE OF Electric Daisy Carnival Experience.
The premiere at Grauman's Chinese Theatre drew a crowd turning out to catch DJ Kaskade "play a surprise set" an hour before the film showed. But Kaskade,'s flatbed truck was mobbed and his street show never happened. Then police in riot gear showed up and the crowd grew agitated, according to one witness. "They taunted police and flashed peace signs," the Times reports. "A few crowd members taunted the police by "planking" in the middle of Hollywood." (Look for those photos to surface on the web in seconds.)
"Yeah, we shut the street down, but we were only there to see Kaskade and check out the show," Nina Lopez told the Los Angeles Times." That’s it.” She called the crowd " completely peaceful."
But LAPD Sgt. Omar Cedre saw things differently: "You have a lot of good people here mixed in with some bad ones, and this is what you get,” Sgt. Cedre said."
People, can't we all get along?
Oh, check out the super bad ass photo above shot by Jay L. Clendenin for the Los Angeles Times who beautifully captures the faceoff above. Well played, sir, and you will win many awards for this.
HA! How prescient of Crabby to mention Kat Von D getting a tattoo of Jesse's name.
Girlfriend did much better than that. She got his 10-year-old likeness inked on her body instead. Under her left armpit. Thank God, so she won't have to really see it. But who does that?
It was a surprise for her fiance and Jesse seemed stunned. But who can read him, he’s such a cypher.
When she asked him if he loved it, he instead answered that he loved her. She was freaking out while telling him about it and I think she freaked him out with it.
She gave dude a serious scare and he split.
Von D apparently doesn't want to talk about her mistake, storming off the set of Good Day LA when they were about to ask her about it.
FIRST UP, LET'S TALK ABOUT MARIAH CAREY'S HSN appearance. DID YOU GUYS SEEEEEE THAT? Oh my God. It's magical.
All she does is bitch about how difficult it was to be pregnant, the sacrifices she made, and how the camera guys should keep the cameras off of her. Through all that yakety-yak, though, she barely talked about her jewelry line. Which, after looking at some of that chintzy crap, is probably just as well. What kind of woman, who spent her teenage years in the 90s during the butterfly cornrow craze, would stoop to ever wearing butterflies anywhere on her person EVER AGAIN?
Have you heard: Lauryn Hill had a (sixth!) baby this week. While actual details are hard to come by, rumors are flying about every aspect of the baby’s birth.
Two months ago, when Hill finally announced her pregnancy, longtime boyfriend and father to her other five children, Rohan Marley, immediately took to Twitter to deny being the father of this new baby. And then Ms. Hill herself released a statement late yesterday that basically co-signed what Marley said. So in layman’s terms, they broke up for the umpteenth time, she got pregnant somewhere else, she and Marley still aren’t together. Until they suddenly are again. Personally, her private life doesn’t interest me anywhere NEAR as much as a new album would. Just saying.
And finally, if like me you've been following the appallingly bad Summer’s Eve commercials and the reaction they’re getting from people, you’ll love Colbert’s recent parody.
SKELETAL REMAINS FOUND INSIDE A Lousiana bank chimney belong to a former National Guardsman and circus worker who disappeared 27 years ago.
In May, Joseph Schexnider's remains, along with his gloves, cigarette lighter, watch and wallet, were discovered inside the chimney at Abbeville National Bank, which was renovating its second floor to make more offices.
Bank officials notified local authorities.
"We went out there and we were in awe actually,'' Abbeville police spokesman David Hardy said. "It's not your typical case."
Schexnider, who was known to geographically wander, disappeared in January 1984. His mother never notified authorities because she assumed he was on one of his adventures.
Police aren't sure why or how Schexnider ended up in the chimney. At the time of his disappearance, he was facing criminal prosecution for possessing a stolen car.
'Hopefully this will give the family some closure," Hardy told the news media. "There's no signs of foul play in this investigation, so as of now it's going to be a closed case. His mother is upset that she lost a son of course, but she is at ease that she now knows where her son is.''
BIDDERS HAVE PUSHED THE PRICE OF A FREAKY LATEX CASEY ANTHONY MASK UP TO $25,000 on eBay with almost 10 hours left to go before the sale closes.
The latex mask (unintentionally) depicts the pathological liar acquitted of murdering her daughter as pointy-eared Vulcan. Bidding opened at $25 and so far 87 bids have been placed on the mask.
The listing reads: "Halloween is only a few months away. Forget Freddy, Jason, Meyers, here's your chance to scare the *#&% out of everyone and win every costume contest with this amazing Tot Mom latex rubber mask, possibly the most frightening mask on the planet."
The seller credits "enigmatic pop artist / sculptor Torro" for the craftsmanship, which he calls "a significant piece of crime history."
"No matter what your opinion of the trial is, this is still one heck of a conversation piece. I bet Nancy Grace would love one of these. Fits most heads sizes comfortably."
Even Nancy's swelled head?
NEW SHIT HAS COME TO LIGHT: The bungalow used to shoot the cult hit The Big Lebowski has hit the market.
Bulldog Realtors is listing 606-608 Venezia Ave. in Venice, Ca. for a cool $2.295 million.
"Six historic one bedroom cottages on a 10,628 sq ft lot, all just blocks to the beach and Abbot Kinney,'' the add touts. Plenty of room for your brother Shamus to crash. And the In-N-Out Burger in Culver City is only a five-minute drive away!
The house underwent "major renovations" In 2005 -- which we're guessing includes a new tile floor in the bath.
Are you employed, sir? Then make your offer now! With just the right rug, you'll be calling this home in no time flat.
POP PRINCESS KATY PERRY appears Sunday night at the premiere of the Smurfs in 3D which opens this weekend.
Perry voices the part of Smurfette, the only female smurf character.
As usual, Katy was only too happy to dress for the part. Here she wears a sequined-smurf dress and poses with her character.
Related, could this mean Katy's endorses racism? Naw, probably not.
LET'S HOPE SHE DIDN'T GET HIS NAME TATTOOED ON HER: THE seriously besotted Kat Von D. has confirmed that her romance with professional bad boy Jesse James is kaput.
(Seriously, WTF were his parents thinking when they named him Jesse James?
Naming your kid after a famous outlaw is fating him to a life of outside accepted boundaries, even if in Jesse's case it's just outside the laws of decency.)
Once head over heels in love with JJ, the LA Ink star Tweeted "I am no longer w Jesse, and out of respect for him, his family and myself, thats (sic) all the info I'd like to share. Thanks for respecting that."
The two reality TV stars hooked up after James' famous falling out with exwife Sandra Bullock following revelations of his extramarital affairs. The news came just weeks after she delivered a saccharine-sweet thanks to him for watching her back as she collected a best actress Oscar.
The A-lister dumped her Monster Garage host who rewarded her by telling Howard Stern that Kat was "100 percent" better in bed.
"I'm so sad because I really love her," James tells PEOPLE mag. "The distance between us was just too much." But it was only months ago when he was smothering rumors that their relationship was cracking. "Everything is on track,'' he said while denying problems. "I am absolutely more in love today than I was a year ago. She's the one for me"
James lives outside Austin, Texas with three kids from a previous marriage. And Kat lives in Los Angeles where she tapes her tattoo art series.
Jesse appears in the fifth season of Kat's series which begins airing late this month in which Kat talks about the strains of living in different cities, saying "[It's] a long distance relationship, but we're just making it work."
Okay everybody, get back to living.
Kat says in promos for the new season: "'I feel like I'm the luckiest girl. I don't care what anyone thinks."
MEET NEW BEVERY HILLS HOUSEWIVE Brandi Glanville. An excellent choice, I must say, as Brandi's life is much more drama filled than castmates Camille Grammer, Kyle and Kim Richards, Taylor Armstrong and Lisa Vanderpump.
Glanville’s ex-husband, actor Eddie Cibrian, had a torrid on set affair with singer/actress LeeAnn Rhimes in 2009. Both left their spouses and the pair married in 2010. During the affair, the tabs ran numerous photos of the scandalous lovers, seemingly wondering why they didn’t spontaneously combust with the heat their naughty deed on display. Even the HuffPo got involved publishing a hilarious piece where Rimes responded to Wendy Williams calling the affair “sloppy.”
Now with Glanville shooting with the girls in Hawaii -- while Rimes' become a tabloid bikini superstar --the battle of skin and swimsuits begins.
Welcome Brandi.
A SOUTH AFRICAN MAN SCARED THE BEJESUS OUT OF MORTUARY WORKERS WHEN HE WOKE UP IN A CORPSE REFRIGERATOR AND BEGAN SCREAMING.
The 50-year-old man reportedly lost consciousness after having an asthma attack over the weekend and his family called a private mortuary company to collect his body. Workers stored his bottle in a refrigerator to prevent decomposition, but he woke up 21 hours later and began screaming.
"Two workers heard screaming from the refrigerators," a spokesman for the Eastern Cape Health Department told ABC News. "They thought it was a ghost and they ran for their lives."
'He was obviously very distressed when he found himself on a trolley and locked inside a fridge," an official said. "He screamed for help and made an almighty din in the morgue.''
South African officials are using the case to educate people that only trained health officials should declare people dead. But this is hardly a South African problem:
WHO SHOWS UP TO A CHRISTMAS PARTY WITH A BODYGUARD? Kim G. of course, who joins the ranks of Lil Wayne, Suge Knight, and Justin Bieber by bringing her own security to the Gorga family Christmas party.
We're back where we left off: At the Gorga Christmas party, where Kim G. is still, well, existing, and everyone has decided to dance and drink the tension away.
Kim’s shouting loudly about Teresa who's standing three feet away from her. Jacqueline interrupts her and tells her that the party is about family members getting along. Lauren calls Kim pathetic, and Caroline steps in and tries to set her straight.
Any normal person would back down to Caroline, but Kim continues on. Chris, a friend of Kim G.’s son, escorts her out of the party. Gotta love the Manzos! Everyone has now come outside to see the showdown, and Melissa is quite impressed by Caroline and Co.’s actions, saying that her boys better do the same thing for her when they’re older.
At Caroline’s radio show, she brings her friend Dolores in as her on-air wingman. The topic of the night is divorce. Jacqueline and Chris pour themselves some wine and sit down to listen to the show. Chris calls Caroline about her tumultuous relationship with Ashley, asking how they can make their relationship stronger. Caroline tears up when she realizes it’s her brother talking to her. Aww! Now let’s see if Ashley does anything…
It's now Christmas Eve, and Teresa's got her girls in their fanciest Christmas hair bows while they play a little too close to the candles. At the Gorgas, Melissa's wearing a really pretty blue velour tracksuit as she explains Christmas to her kids. Joe lets Melissa know that he doesn't want to stay at the Giudice party for too long, because she still has “issues” with the rest of the family. She has a bad feeling about the party. But it's the first time the entire family has been together since the christening fiasco, so what’s there to worry about?
Caroline is preparing Christmas Eve dinner, and the woman has turned into a machine while cooking the extensive spread. I can almost smell it through the television. Once everyone’s sitting at the dinner table at the Manzo’s, everyone goes around the table and says what non-material things they want for Christmas. An almost tender moment is created when Ashley says she wants Chris to like her. He explains that he wants her to behave more responsibly, and things just get awkward when Ashley explains that she’s been "trying" for the last three or four years.
When the Gorgas arrive at the Giudice’s, Teresa notices that Melissa’s "boobs are out," and yet Teresa's wearing a too-short-for-the-Lord mini-dress. Oh, well. Audriana looks like an angel. Teresa and Joe’s mom dresses up as Santa and brings all the kids presents, and it’s all really cute until Joe Giudice starts calling the Gorgas "animals" and calls Melissa a "raccoon.” Sigh. And they were doing so well!
Next week, just as it looks like Christmas is over, the fighting continues as the families try to make Teresa make peace with Kathy. Oh, and Ashley doesn’t get Jacqueline a Christmas present. She totally deserves that new car, right?
Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.
SO I FOUND OUT THE BRAVO SUMMER CAMP SONG IS BY BRITNEY SPEARS. Still hate it. Let’s move on.
This long, long season is finally at an end. And, of course, it ends with another party.
We're in a meeting where LuAnn and her producer are fine tuning the music video. Then he leaves to bring in Natalie Cole. Who’s had too much plastic surgery but still looks good. LuAnn is all verklempt that Cole has heard her music and has seen the show and feels like she already knows her. She invites Cole to a one-year anniversary party that she's throwing for Jacque and herself. Cole says if she comes she might sing, but LuAnn would have to sing with her. Well, that sends LuAnn to the moon and she jumps up and down with joy. Literally.
Simon and Alex visit Ramona and Mario at their apartment. Talk turns briefly to kids and Ramona says she regrets not having another child. She and Mario debate whether Avery really still wants a sibling. So they ask her when she walks in. Avery says of course she still does, then tells the group Ramona still gets her period! "TMI," says Simon. The doorbell rings and Sonja and boyfriend Brian arrive. During dinner they talk maiden names. Go figure. Alex gets a call from LuAnn who invites her to the anniversary party. LuAnn does say “regardless of what’s happened between us,” so she does realize it’s a bit strange. Alex says LuAnn is usually 80% bore but can be 20% fun so that’s why she accepted.
Alex is on a modeling shoot and her skin and hair look terrible. She wonders if she's cool enough for the mag entitled The Block and so do I. They work wonders though and she looks great when Simon shows up to pick her up. She's not ready so he hangs out while she makes model eyes at the camera. He gets a bit annoying, they have another appointment, and questions how long this thing will take. Alex tells us he needs to cool his jets since she's making money. Which I’m sure they need.
Sonja meets Cindy at the flower district. Cindy tells us they're trying again but she's not sure why. Then she tells Sonja her problem with her is that she keeps changing -- one day friends, the next day it's Sonja the grand dame. She complains that Sonja asked her for breakfast on a weekday so she had to work. Sonja says that she was rude to shush her while she was cooking for her, with her own hands, not the help. Cindy smiles and just lets her rail on. Voices begin rising and they begin to constantly interrupt each other. It seems Cindy thought Sonja could learn a thing or two from her call while Sonja thought Cindy would learn a thing or two from her. They argue over how Sonja treated Cindy's assistant until Cindy gets up, says she’s done with Sonja, and stomps off leaving Sonja still talking.
Ramona’s over at Sonja’s. When Sonja offers some Pinot, Ramona says she can't and shows Sonja her breasts. Sonja says “are you pregnant?” And Ramona says maybe. Ramona tells us that her breasts are huge and they hurt and the last time they felt that way was when she was pregnant with Avery. Heavens! We just learned she was 54!
The anniversary party for LuAnn and Jacques is being held on a boat. I wonder if everyone will be on their best behavior? Alex tells us she will not push LuAnn off the boat and I’m encouraged. Jill tells us that maybe it’s an engagement party cause she doesn’t get the one-year anniversary thing. Kelly pronounces herself Julie Stuben and offers to introduce everyone, then she looks around for Capt. Stuben.
Ramona and Sonja both show up in low-cut, skintight leopard print frocks. Jill complains to LuAnn that Ramona came late and she should run right over and chastise her for holding everyone up. LuAnn tells her to chill, it’s her party and she’s not into the bitchiness tonight.
Ramona, accepting only water, has everyone incredulous but no one asks any questions right away. Ramona tells us she's still waiting for her period to come on. She tells Mario she’s late and he keeps asking her if she's serious. She shows him her swollen breasts but says she hasn't taken the test yet. Ramona tells us she’s also crazier than usual in her head. Oh no. Mario says there’s no way, no way. She tells him to get a drink.
Everyone's eating dinner at the party and Kelly's talking about swinger parties where everyone puts their keys in a bowl. Jill seems to be the only one at the table who has never heard of the practice. Guess she hasn’t seen The Ice Storm. Mario tells Sonja that he's freaking out about Ramona’s news. Keeps saying “it’s not possible.” No one knows that Natalie Cole is there and LuAnn is getting her son Noel to escort her into the party.
Ramona and Sonja go into the bathroom together and Jill gets suspicious. They chat about having a baby and Sonja pulls out "the stick." Jill talks through the door and says two girls going into the bathroom together is so 70’s. She knocks, calls it weird and tries to enlist Alex to get them out. She declines. Then Jill goes and tells everyone at the party that they’re in there together. LuAnn wonders if they’re trying to steal her thunder while Jill calls it third grade and weird, again. Behind the bathroom door, Ramona is hyperventilating and too nervous to pee.
When the two join the other guests Jill hits them hard. Then everyone wants to know what’s going on. Sonja says they don’t know what’s going on, ha ha ha. Jill tells us it’s weird that Ramona is drinking water and she and Sonja were in the bathroom together. When she gets a whiff of the pregnancy rumors she dismisses it all together. Then, hahahahahahaha, Jill shuts the baby talk down and tells us that at Ramona’s age, when your period is late it’s not pregnancy, it’s menopause knocking at your door. Knock, knock, knock. She smiles. And she’s right because this was filmed months ago and there’s no Singer baby around now. Oh, Jill.
LuAnn takes the mike and talks about her and Jacques love, then introduces Natalie Cole. Jill's amazed at the singer’s appearance, but had hoped for an engagement announcement so she could see the size of the ring and then diss it. Of course, Sonja says Natalie Cole is an old friend she hasn’t seen in about three years since Sonja knows just everyone who’s anyone. Natalie starts singing, LuAnn joins in and sounds awful. What a bad idea but it’s a nice moment. Everyone enjoys the performance, with Ramona kindly telling us she thought LuAnn did a great job. LuAnn tells us that Jacques was blown away, and she was sure she was the only one he saw onstage. During the post-performance hubbub, the leopard twins head back to the bathroom to take the test. Ramona’s had about 12 glasses of water so she’s ready now. All we hear is Sonja telling her to “keep it level.”
Jill still lies to us and tells us that she’s working on herself.
Alex says she’s saying what she thinks now and hopes everyone hears her.
Sonja remains optimistic.
Cindy calls the season rough but that life is getting better and better.
Kelly says she was in a huge negativity ball but she’s still proud of who she is. Ugh.
Ramona thinks she’s in the best place possible in life and she has it all.
Jacques wonders how he and LuAnn will be able to top this first anniversary.
We end with the ladies on the hull of the boat, popping champagne, with the Statue of Liberty shining brightly behind them.
Coming up, what looks to be the nastiest reunion special EVAR!
AMY WINEHOUSE, THE TROUBLED BRITISH BLUESY SINGER who wrestled with addictions and mental illness, was found dead in her London flat today. She was 27.
Though a frequent subject of tabloid news headlines for drugs and arrests, Winehouse was widely influential "in the rise in popularity of female musicians and soul music and revitalising British music,'' according to Wikipedia. She grew up in North London listening to the pop jazz music favored by her Jewish parents. At 9, she was enrolled in the Susi Earnshaw Theatre School; at 10 she started her own rap group called Sweet 'n' Sour with a friend.
At 14, she began singing with a jazz band and also worked part-time as a showbiz reporter. She quickly met success as a vocalist and signed to a 19 Management in 2002.
Winehouse's first album Frank was critically hailed in Britain, and her follow-up album Back To Black won her five Grammy awards including New Artist, Record of the Year and Song of the Year.
But Winehouse was frequently in and out of drug rehabs, suffered from eating disorders, and was arrested several times on assault charges. She was once questioned by police after a videotape of her allegedly smoking cocaine was leaked to them.
She married and divorced Blake Fielder-Civil, with whom she had a stormy and often violent relationship. She once said of him: "He's the male version of me and we're perfect for each other."
Her tulmlutuous life lead Newsweek to ding her "a perfect storm of sex kitten, raw talent and poor impulse control" while the New Statesman donned her "a filthy-mouthed, down-to-earth diva."
The cause of her death is under investigation.
IT HAS THE BEST OF TABLOID NEWS: CELEBRITY, SCANDAL AND IRONY IN FULL-PAGE COLOR.
But the Rebecca Black parody of Friday which spoofs the hacking scandal that's rocked Rupert Murdoch's world one-ups the tabs in at least one way: it has a catchy beat that you can dance to.
The video uploaded to YouTube by HelpSellWit11 illustrates why Black's infectious song invaded the Internet: it attaches itself somewhere deep in your cranium and you can't get it out.
Yet the video also takes a look at the scandal through a wide angle lens that connects the dots in one emotive sweep that makes me want to dance and cry at the same time.
Related, I heartily endorse social studies teachers around the world use it in classrooms: it's a tight, compelling lesson illustrating the links between power, politics and profit.
A DAY AFTER Britain's Academy of Medical Sciences called for tighter regulation of "transgenetic" animal-human experiments, a British politician claims that scientists have already created 155 animal-human embryos in labs.
The embryos were grown at King's College London, Newcastle University and Warwick University in experiments that have been halted due to lack of funding, according to the U.K's Daily Mail.
"It is dabbling in the grotesque," Baron David Alton of Liverpool said in Parliament Friday night.
"At every stage the justification from scientists has been: if only you allow us to do this, we will find cures for every illness known to mankind. This is emotional blackmail."
He said that of 80 treatments discovered through stem cell research, all have come from adult stem cells – not embryonic ones. "On moral and ethical grounds this fails; and on scientific and medical ones too," he asserted.
Just one day earlier, University of Cambridge genetics professor Martin Bobrow, who led the Academy's study of the topic, called for tighter regulation of such experiments. "Where people begin to worry is when you get to the brain, to the germ (reproductive) cells, and to the sort of central features that help us recognize what is a person, like skin texture, facial shape and speech," he told Reuters.
Mice engineered with human DNA are already used extensively in research for new drugs and medical treatments. And just last year, more than one million experiments were carried out on animals carrying human DNA, according to the Daily Mail.
But reports of animal-human embryos trigger fears of science fiction horror stories like that depicted in the movie Planet of the Apes.
Professor Thomas Baldwin, who coauthored the Academy's report, said: ‘The fear is that if you start putting very large numbers of human brain cells into the brains of primates, suddenly you might transform the primate into something that has some of the capacities that we regard as distinctively human – speech, or other ways of being able to manipulate or relate to us.
‘These possibilities that are at the moment largely explored in fiction, we need to start thinking about now," he said.
The reports have triggered provocative commentary in news sites' comment sections.
"Ethical concerns are useful and already consume a larger than needed portion of genetic researchers’ time, mostly in response to timorous bureaucrats two feet this side of Luddite-ville,'' contended Eideard on Reuters website. "Basic research is still as appropriate as ever and need not be constrained by ideological weathervanes."
A haughty Loki_thegod sniped on the same page: "Non-scientists should keep their noses out of science. Their perspective is like that of indigenous people who think a camera will steal their soul. They have no insight into what they are talking about."
But AnnieMae13 countered that "scientists need to stop pretending to be gods. There is no way of knowing what they will create, and what the consequences will be. They’re going to create creatures, possibly with the awareness of a human, who’s only purpose in life will be as a test subject. I can’t think of anything more unspeakably cruel. "
And KB of Ealing asserted: "These scientists are making a monkey out of all of us with their hideous ,cruel and unnecessary experiments.Governments should bring in legislations immediately to outlaw such experiments before its too late! "
But other commenters had, um, a more sophisticated take on the reports.
"I've heard some bullsh*t to promote films in the past, usually involving Jennifer Aniston and some bloke, but enlisting scientists? Give me a break!," wrote Dave from Basingstoke, England at the Daily Mail site. Lawson of London called the news "nothing more than an advert for a new movie coming out. Free publicity or did they pay for it?"
And Gary of Newcastle, England harrumphed: "What a load of tosh ! A very clever PR stunt to coincide with the movie hoo ha ! I wish someone would inject my brain so that I stop reading this rubbish. "
Rise Of The Planet Apes is due in theaters Aug. 5. According to IMDB, the movie's set in San Francisco "where man's own experiments with genetic engineering lead to the development of intelligence in apes and the onset of a war for supremacy."
I'VE NEVER BEEN AHEAD OF THE CURVE ON ANY FAD.
From Pet Rocks to Bum Fights, I was always the last to know. Perhaps planking's my redemption. My chance to ride the wave as opposed to watching it crash ashore from a bobbing and semi-submerged long board.
I first heard of planking while watching an interview with New Zealand footballer David Williams late one night. He was asked exactly what was planking and he quickly obliged by laying across the anchor's desk in a prone position. The next day I asked some younger staff at the office if they had heard about planking. All responded with the same look of, ''What the hell are you talking about?''
I was on to something. It was my perfect opportunity to be ahead of a trend. I needed no professional training, no equipment and it cost virtually nothing -- well, except for the cost of my upcoming trip to Peru.
While I could have made off easy with a typical office plank on a board room table or straddle two chairs, I needed to make a statement. Office planks are a dime a dozen.
The rest they say is history. One moment, one man and one plank -- just as owling breaks out.
But let's see you do it at Machu Picchu.
Mike S. is a is a project manager in the petroleum industry and adjunct professor at Northwestern University. His reality is Uptown, Chicago.
A HEAT WAVE SEEMS AS GOOD AS ANY TO TALK ABOUT THE DISGUSTING BUGS THAT MAKE OUR SUMMERS' ITCH. And Amy Stewart's new book, Wicked Bugs: The Louse That Conquered Napoleon's Army and Other Diabolical Insects, provides an even better reason.
The author talks of the "pure evil" of insects on The Current -- in particular the mosquito -- "the most wicked bug of all."
“I think our phobias are misplaced,'' said Stewart in the interview. "People get really worked up over a bug that might gross them out but doesn’t really do much harm. And then they’ll be very cavalier about something like a mosquito that’s actually quite deadly....It is mosquitoes that should send you running in terror, at least in certain parts of the world."
In her judgment, bedbugs are so overrated. "They don’t transmit any disease that we know of,'' she says. (Though, of course, that begs the question: Are there any about which we don't know?) And though cockroaches are "movable garbage trucks" that can carry Hepatitis and e-coli, she sees them little more as pests. "You can’t sort of blame it for showing up and eating, I mean that’s just what bugs do." The lowly centipede? They're actually good to have around because they eats bedbugs and roaches.
Stewart's book explores the mundane and the monstrous of the insect world, including those that are eaten by the females during sex. "With the Praying Mantis, she can turn around and bite his head off and he will still finish the act,'' she says.
Stewart, says Andrew Alexander in Atlanta's Creative Loafing, "has the ability to make natural history and entomology vivid. She's also a great story-teller, bringing to life the troubling encounters of mankind with insects."
"Wicked Bugs is a great book to help keep your mind off your real worries,'' concludes Alexander. "Instead of getting distressed over your finances, love life, the environment, world politics and so on, now you can start having anxiety attacks about biting midges, stinging caterpillars, and brown recluses. ...Good times!"
LINDSAY LOHAN'S GOT A CASHFLOW PROBLEM that's keeping her away from the shrink (but not away from the shoe store).
Wearing Christian Louboutin Madame Butterfly heels, currently listed for $1,490 on eBay (but can be had for as little as $361), the once-promising starlet pleaded poor at a routine hearing Thursday.
As part of her probation in her drunk driving and theft cases, LiLo has been ordered to undergo counseling. But attorney Shaun Chapman Holley told Judge Stephanie Sautner that Lindsay couldn't afford counseling -- and that group therapy was out of the question due to her fame.
'"She was seeing someone for psychological treatment at UCLA but had to stop for financial reasons," Holley told the unsympathetic judge, who gave Lilo has 21 days to find a therapist. "'If she doesn't have the means then maybe she can find somebody to help her out. But I am not about to hold a whole separate hearing to discuss her financial situation,' she said.
The judge also told the troubled starlet to pick up the pace of serves at a downtown women's center. Lindsay has so far only perform 33 of 480 hours of service required. 'I will not take into consideration the excuse you were on a film set working," Sautner said, "though I don't know your circumstances at the moment and if you are working."
In between upcoming court performances, the actress is supposed to appear in an upcoming movie about mob boss John Gotti. She lost her last promised role, to star as porn star Linda Lovelace, due to repeat parole violations that cost her time behind bars.
LUCIAN FREUD, the "uncompromising" realist painter and grandson of Sigmund Freud, died Wednesday. He was 88.
Freud, who lived in London, was a realist even when the style was out-of-fashion in the art world. He frequently painted nudes as in Benefits Supervisor Sleeping, above, which was sold for $33.6 million -- the record for a living artist. (And what would his grandfather Sigmund say about that woman lying naked and exposed on a couch?)
"He lived to paint and painted until the day he died, far removed from the noise of the art world," his dealer William R Acquavella said in a statement.
"He lived and breathed his art," said Brett Gorvy of Christie's postwar art department. He called Freud "one of the most important painters of the 20th and 21st Centuries."
Freud was best known for his paintings of nudes, including model Kate Moss and his first wife, Kathleen Garman.
"I'm really interested in people as animals," he once told curators of the Tate Museum in London. "Part of my liking to work from them naked is for that reason, because I can see more ... I like people to look as natural and as physically at ease as animals."
One of Freud's most controversial paintings, a portrait of Queen, "makes her look like one of the royal corgis who has suffered a stroke," sniffed Robin Simon, editor of the British Art Journal.
Funeral arrangements are pending.
HE'S THE CRAGGY-FACED NEWSMAKING REPTILIAN WHO BUYS AND BULLIES HIS WAY TO WINNING AT CAPITALISM. She's the steely Chinese-born Tiger Wife raised as a Communist who's clawed her way to wealth and power.
Who else could we be talking about other than K. Rupert Murdoch, titan of the News Corp. and his third wife, the ferocious 42-year-old Wendi Deng, who's married up three times.
The spotlight's never been brighter on Deng since she sprung out of her seat to slap her husband's shaving cream attacker like a viper.
One of the most obvious question about this couple -- with nearly 40 years in age between them -- is what makes them tick? In photos of the two, she's always leaning in very closely or clutching him while he wears the sly look of a Tom Cat.
Because inquiring minds want to speculate, I visited my old astrological friend CafeAstrology.com for an insta-snap of the relationship between the two. And, I confess, the results that their computers spit out make no sense at all! Because if you would believe them, Rupert, a Pisces, and Wendi, a Sagitarrius, have secrets from each other and often disagree. Oh, well, it's only a free astrology report. What are you gonna believe -- the actions of a Tiger Wife or some silly game? Here goes anyway:
Sun Squares Mercury
This is a negative aspect. There's a lack of understanding between the two persons. They do not have the same intellectual interests, the same tastes, as a result of which they have problems in understanding each other. This could lead to conflicts, lies, etc.
Mercury Squares Mercury
Again, a negative aspect. Their communication styles are very different, so that there are many misunderstandings and annoyances arising from how things were said, what was said, and what was not said. It can be a challenge to solve problems together without getting into an argument. It might be best to think things over separately before turning to each other for support.
Saturn Squares Pluto
Negative aspect: Unfavorable union, the relationship will be difficult and sometimes destructive. To be avoided.
Venus Opposes Mars
Negative aspect: A love that is particularly based on physical understanding, a passionate love with all its negative sides: possessiveness, jealousy, aggressiveness. Such a union is unlikely to last, but if it does, there are a lot of hurt feelings and stormy confrontations. The sexual attraction is especially strong at the beginning, but disagreements often have a major impact on the sex life. They end up on opposite ends of the couch frequently.
Mars Squares Pluto
Another negative aspect: Sexual passion leading to destruction. It will be very difficult to pick oneself up after such a relationship. If it ends, there are likely to be hard feelings.
Sun Trines Uranus
Positive aspect: The Sun person will be enriched by this relationship with Uranus, which will lead to the discovery of a new world, original and full of change. They will go well together, but the Uranus person may resist marriage, at least on a formal level. In some cases, the relationship works better when the bond is not formalized, simply for the sake of the Uranus person's sense of freedom.
Mars Trines Neptune
This is a difficult union that can succeed, but could involve some distancing and dishonesty. Be very careful to be honest with each other, as deceptions have a way of coming to the light and great disappointments are possible as a result.
Venus Trines Jupiter
This union is likely to be completely successful. A couple that is happy to be alive, and to live together, with a pleasant family and home, total confidence in each other (and with reason), intellectual understanding, similar tastes. There is a strong desire to make each other happy. You enjoy each other's company immensely and you put each other in a happy mood. You make each other laugh and you feel very open, loose, and jovial around each other. Forgiveness and graciousness characterizes your partnership.
Saturn Conjuncts Uranus
The union is favorable, linking invention and originality with common sense and thoughtfulness. They might do great things together.
Venus Trines Uranus
Union or love will be very strong, not at all intellectual, but sensual and full of romanticism and originality.
Mercury Trines Uranus
No clouds in this couple's life. They have a good intellectual understanding, take pleasure in being together, in discussing and exchanging ideas.
Mars Opposes Uranus
They make each other impatient and easily frustrate each other. The sexual attraction is unique and powerful at first, seeming to arise suddenly and unexpectedly. However, it is a temperamental attraction and can leave just as suddenly. Erratic responses to each other.
Saturn Trines Pluto
This aspect makes for a favorable union.
Well, there you have it, folks. Make of it what you will. But if you can have any insights of your own as to why these two make a successful powerhouse couple, drop a comment!
WHO IS PAUL ROGERS????
That's what I want to know after watching his reimagined opening credits for Mad Men embedded above.
The groovy 60s graphics and Bossa music are awesome and make me want to fall right in this mad yummy world. You can see that Rogers's worldview is more Holly Golightly than Lula Mae Barnes, which perhaps could be its biggest sin.
Oh, by the way, Rogers is a clean Midcentury-styled illustrator from Pasadena, Calif. You can see more of his work at PaulRogersStudio.com.
Via Gawker.
THE SECURITY GUARD WHO ACCUSING BRITNEY SPEARS OF BEING A TEASING HO NOWS ADDS 'SKANK' TO HIS CHARGES.
Spears' ex-security guard Fernando Flores is suing the popster for sexually harassing him for allegedly sashaying in front of him naked or barely clothed. Now Flores turns the screws tighter by claiming BritBrit didn't bathe for days, reeked of cigarettes, farted and picked her nose unselfconsciously.
"Spears had obnoxious habits, such as chain-smoking -- making her smell continually of stale tobacco. She broke wind or picked her nose unselfconsciously and apologetically and she was constantly and gratuitously loud and profane. She did not bathe for days, did not use deodorant, did not brush her teeth, did not fix her hair, did not wear shoes or socks," Flores in court papers.
Brit's lawyers respond in court documents: "These allegations are clearly designed to prejudice Ms. Spears in the eyes of the public and the Court. These allegations are not only wholly irrelevant to Flores' claims, but they have no basis in fact....Flores attempts to sully Ms. Spears' reputation by claiming she acted in bizarre ways."
Britney's defending herself against the allegations, telling friends "he's a liar," according to TMZ.
Here's my take: it would be breaking news if Britney didn't fart or pick because that would make her inhuman. And didn't we all know Brit was having some mental health issues a few years back? If Flores wants us to believe he has a claim, he'd be better served sticking to the pertinent facts.
Oh, one more thing: I didn't pick a nasty picture of Brit to run because that would have been too easy. I feel sorry for anyone who's always hunted by cameras because who looks good all the time?
WHEN TWO SOCIAL SCIENTISTS WANTED TO STUDY sexual behavior on the Internet, they hooked up with visitors to the online adultery service AshleyMadison.com.
In a 2009 online survey, Diane Kholos Wysocki of the University of Nebraska at Kearney, and Cheryl D. Childers of Washburn University posed 68 questions to 5,187 individuals who visited the infidelity enabling website.
Wysocki's conclusion after reviewing the results of the survey? "Cheating is alive and well, and sexting is on the rise," Wysocki, a women's studies and sociology professor, told the New York Times.
Wysocki's survey found that two-thirds of women admitted to sexting -- sending naked pictures of themselves through text messages -- compared to about half of the men.
The survey also found that women were more likely than men to meet in person individuals thay they had engaged online.(83 percent of women versus 67 percent of men in the Ashley Madison survey.)
Of course, the findings can't be applied to the general population because those participating only represented a narrow self-selecting slice of the population. So use this as provocative fodder the next time you're getting flirty at a party. It's all it's good for.
MY WORK HUSBAND DREW IS GAY. And no, I'm not a faghag, I prefer to call myself a "gaymay."
Anyway, we're having a blood drive on our job and I signed right up. I immediately CQD Drew to see if he would give as well. "They don't want my blood," he said.
I immediately told him no one would know he was gay and that that policy must have been scuttled years ago. He insisted it wasn't. To my surprise, he's right.
According to a CNN Health article from June 2010, The Federal Advisory Committee on Blood Safety and Availability voted 9 to 6 against lifting the ban.
"The committee's decision today not only leaves a discriminatory practice in place, it also puts lives at risk," Rea Carey, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, said at the time. "Not a single piece of scientific evidence supports the ban," protested Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass.
The CNN article goes on to note that blood agencies are losing out on over 219,000 pints of blood every year because of the ban. I always thought the American Red Cross was to blame but it turns out it’s the government, specifically the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. With updated testing methods the Red Cross would be happy to accept everyone but their arms are tied by the law.
It really upsets Drew, a healthy 30 year old who practices safe sex, that they just dismiss him out of hand. I think it really hurts him. I can’t imagine.
The policy, enacted in 1983, continues to discriminate. Even guys who aren’t gay, but who some people think "look gay” are being discriminated against. How can you tell by just looking that someone is gay?
Hereterosexuals get AIDS and HIV. Lesbians too. What is the problem? Gotta go, I need to send an email to a bureaucrat.
SO GET THIS, YOU GUYS:
Apparently Michele Bachmann that's so bad, she can't function. Not only do I love the fact that she blames high heels, which SHE WEARS ALL THE TIME, but that she gets this headache once a week.
Do you all think that might be karma, slapping her upside the head for all the shit talking she does about gay people? INCLUDING HER OWN STEPSISTER? I mean, damn, this woman is a total moron. Which I guess isn’t really a newsflash.
And on to the next: have you guys seen these new "Hail to the V" ads for Summer’s Eve? Man. I thought last week’s Got Milk-slash-PMS ads were terrible. This is a whole new affront to the c -- -nevermind.
Finally, on the celebrity front, let me just ask: does anyone really care about Jennifer Lopez anymore? The last four singles I’ve heard sucked, which only confirms the long-standing rumor that her entire career is based off the payola system of yore. And now she’s getting a third divorce, possibly "getting advice from Ben Affleck" and putting out another soulless dance single.
My reaction, then and now: OMGSOWHATGOAWAY.
THE VERY MODEST AND DOWN-TO-EARTH MATT DAMON SPOKE ADORABLY ABOUT HIS POOR RICH FRIENDS WHOM HE SAYS ARE imprisoned by fame.
"I have friends who are like prisoners,'' Damon mused on German television Tele 5. "Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, for instance. They can't just go someplace. If they go for a walk, it turns into an international incident."
He then went on to talk about how his own life contrasts that of the million megawatt powered couple.
"I'm really lucky, because I have the best of both worlds,'' he said. "I do the work that I love and need, but don't need paramilitary troops to protect me when I walk out my front door."
Damon added: "Ever since I found my wife (Luciana) and we had children, my whole life revolves around that. It gave my life a dramatic change in direction. I'm not as crazy as most of the other stars. I don't really know why, probably because I married a woman who isn't an actress. And we live in New York," he said. "As long as we don't show up in typical tourist spots, we can walk the streets without being noticed. New Yorkers are very cool, they don't flip out if they see me."
There. You see what he did? He gave not one, but two reasons why he's not tormented by paparazzi. Listen closely: He said "I'm not as crazy as most of the other stars." And two: he and his wife live in New York. They do not jet set around the world to movie scenes and then set up photo opportunities when their latest movie is about to be released. Unless I missed it, neither he nor Luciana talk about their kids' dietary habits while on fashion shoots. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think Matt was married to another A-list movie star when he picked things up with Luciana.
Do not, I repeat, do not feel sorry for Brangelina. They are the producers of their own prison.
WORD ON THE WEB IS THAT TEXTING WHILE WALKING IS NOW ILLEGAL IN PHILADELPHIA. NOT TRUE!
Mayor Michael Nutter even took to Twitter to set the record straight. I guess I should follow him now. But first I have to get on Twitter.
Although I thought it was AWESOME that folks were getting tickets for $120 for the supposed crime, it's just a new urban myth. Philly does have an education campaign to try to convince residents that the practice just isn’t safe for them -- or the public at large. And the most an officer can do to a driver, pedestrian or bike rider (can you text and bike?) is "remind them to be careful," according to Mayor Nutter's office.
Since the new "Give Respect, Get Respect” program began in May, more than 700 distracted drivers, bikers and walkers have been scolded by police officers to correct their game.
I was only slightly aware of the program but now that Philadelphia is getting so much attention because of it, even wrongly, I hope many others think about their fellow city dwellers. I’m not sure how well it’s working but if it makes the city a nicer place to be I’m all for it. Welcome to Philadelphia, City of Brotherly Texters.
RADIO'S REVELATORY POWERS BROADCASTED LOUDLY YESTERDAY WHEN LADY GAGA PAID Howard Stern a visit to his studio.
In a revealing interview that spans 88 minutes, the pop diva reveals a touching love for her father, admits to eating issues, urges teen girls to hold off having sex, and says that used cocaine because it "made me feel I had a friend." Listen to it inside.
Naturally, Stern asked Gaga how old she was when she first got laid, and her answer: 17. Was it good?, Stern demanded to know
"I guess I walked right into this," Gaga joked before earnestly saying:
"I got a lot of young fans so, I love you and I respect your show, and I know you want to talk about sex and cocaine and all that. But the truth is I don’t want anyone doing drugs, A. And B, honestly you should wait as long as you can to have sex because as a woman, you know, you don’t even begin to enjoy it until your mid-20s. It’s like, when you’re 17, you don’t even know how to operate what’s going on down there. And you shouldn’t try. I really think that kids have sex way too young.”
Talk then turned to looking good and Stern said he was "happy" that Gaga had previously said pop stars had an obligation to be thin.
"Some of these so-called singers are overweight and they they are not appealing to look at. And people hate to admit this, but it’s show business,'' he said. "You’ve got to have a certain look>"
Gaga said she didn't "entirely agree," adding "Aretha Franklin is, she’s got an angel in her throat, right? It doesn’t matter what Aretha Franklin ah, ah, looked like. But to me, Aretha Franklin, and I’ve seen her live, she’s beautiful, she’s absolutely beautiful."
Gaga then confessed:
“Look I had a lot of eating problems when I was younger and I think that they never really went away. And I can relate to girls that feel that way...I think nobody should judge anyone. I think that talent comes from inside of you. I think that if there is a spirit or an angel inside that is roaring to come out -- I think it is wrong as a singer and as a public figure to put other people down."
And in an true sign of friendship, she refused to reveal how she became so close to Elton John that she is his new son's Godmother. "The only reason I don’t want to talk about it is because it is really real,'' she said, before launching into a diatribe about show business being "full of the fake ass motherfuckers."
And in one of the more surprising comments, Gaga swore up and down that she doesn't care a whit about money and that she felt she was already a success when she was living on her own in New York in her early 20s.
"Me, living in New York in an $1100 a month apartment paying my own rent, doing my own shows, dressing how I like, singing how I like, doing my hair how I like, I already felt like I had made it,'' she said. "So that’s when I say I don’t care about money, I only and always have just wanted to make music and just do it my way.”
A 17-year-old Florida teen is under arrest, accused of bludgeoning his parents with a hammer, then locking their corpses in a bedroom while hosting a party.
"We believe that Mom was killed first, then Dad, and then Tyler put the bodies back inside the room,'' Port St. Lucie Police detective Tom Nichols. "They were laid on the floor with the hammer between them where he tried to conceal the bodies with household items."
Tyler Hadley of Port St. Lucie was charged Monday night with two counts of first-degree murder with a weapon, according to local authorities. Investigators say Hadley posted an invitation to a party on Facebook about 1:30p.m. Saturday, then shortly later killed his parents, Blake, 54 and Mary-Jo Hadley, 47, and used "books, files, towels, anything that he could find inside" to hide the bodies. Then he hosted a party with up to 60 friends Saturday night.
Port St. Lucie Police spokesman Tom Nichols told CNN that a rumor circulated during the party that Hadley had killed his parents; authorities arrived about 4:20 a.m. Sunday to do a welfare check on them and discovered their bodies.
Hadley is being held without bail. Investigators called the crime scene "brutal."
HATERS ARE GONNA HAVE A FIELD DAY: Rebecca Black's new formulaic video hits the Internet today.
The song answers the trolls who excoriated her video Friday and outnumbered her fans, which included Lady Gaga and Katy Perry.
"Weren't you the one who said that I would be nothing," she croons, her big black eyes shining, competing with her smile.
"Well, I'm about to prove you wrong. I'm not the only who believes in something. My one wish is about to come true. I'm not stopping for you, no matter what you do, I'll just keep on dreaming. My head up in the clouds when nobody's around to see. This is my moment, my moment, it's my time to fly high. Feels like my moment."My money's on this kid proving the haters wrong.
THEY'RE GORGEOUS, RICH AND TALENTED, but that wasn't enough to keep Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony happy together.
People reports that the glam couple called it quits after ""after months of nonstop arguing."
"Marc and Jennifer decided it's best to go their separate ways for the sake of their two kids," the spy said.
The couple, who've been married for seven years, announced their breakup on Friday. The two had quickly hooked up after Lopez's relationship with Ben Affleck ended in January, 2004. (That makes Marc the rebound catch.) The couple have 3-year-old twins Max and Emme.
Though divorce is on the horizon, so is the couple's new reality show, Q'Viva!, rumored to be a Latin talent search. The two say they remain committed to the show.
At a concert last weekend in Bogotá, Columbia, Anthony told the crowd: "Rumor has it I'm single now. That's why I want to dedicate the next to song to you." He then sang No Hay Nadie Como Ella which means None Like Her.
TERESA GIUDICE CAN REALLY IDENTIFY WITH ANGELINA JOLIE. Makes sense, right?
After asking Joe when all the stuff in the press regarding their bankruptcy will end, she says that she really knows how Mr. and Mrs. Pitt must feel. Not sure what she means by that, but …moving on.
Melissa decorates the Christmas tree while Joe watches, and he asks her who's coming to their upcoming party. She tells him that everyone they know is coming, including the Giudices. I really want "everyone" to exclude Kim G., but thanks to the constant commercials throughout the past week, I must brace for crap storm ahead.
Jacqueline gives Ashley an early Christmas present (because the car was not enough). It's a necklace she got from the fortune teller. She tells Ashley that her father really tried to make it up to Jersey to see her for Christmas, but that he caught the flu. Later, the Manzo kids get together with Ashley and her family to celebrate her birthday. The boys and Lauren ask if Ashley’s going to mess things up with her new car, and Ashley says, practically through gritted teeth, that that would be "irresponsible behavior.” Although it would've been cooler to see Ashley tell Lauren to shut her mouth for five minutes.
A man named Fabulous Fred comes by the Gorga house to help plan their Christmas party. He mentions something about a casino in the house, suggesting that he must be the best party planner in New Jersey. Upon hearing all of Fabulous' plans, Joe pours everyone a shot in hopes of getting Fred to relax on the pricing. Of course, then Melissa tells him that the party is for charity. The money will be going to the Saint Joseph’s Children’s Hospital, meaning this is probably the first time a Housewife has ever proved that one of their over-the-top parties is really for a good cause.
Teresa is getting her hair and make-up done for the party, and in her interview, she talks about how she used to be upset that Melissa “went behind her back” and hired the same hairstylist a while back. Sheesh.
At the party, which includes a red carpet, carolers, and money with the Gorga’s faces on it, everyone is taking pictures and hugging each other and acting merry. The set-up looks familiar to Greg, who suddenly realizes, “This is just like the house in Clueless!” Teresa and Joe have yet to arrive.
Kathy, who's becoming more likable every week, introduces her husband to Caroline and Jacqueline’s families. Melissa eventually greets everyone via microphone (no singing, unfortunately), thanking them all for arriving. Then Teresa arrives. While she's in the kitchen, Kathy walks up to her cousin and tells her that it's really good to see her. She seems genuine when she approaches her, but Teresa senses bad intentions and nastily says, "Oh, so now it’s nice to see me?" Again, sheesh! Even if Kathy can’t make peace on Christmas like she wanted, at least she looks really pretty.
Another man named "Joe" confronts Joe Giudice about a supposed $1,000 he owes him, unknown to him. Teresa tells Melissa to go talk to him, and Melissa walks away, upset that the drama has started.
Speaking of drama… Seriously, who invited Kim G.? The woman brought Monica "I'm suing Teresa," last name not necessary, to the party.
Melissa, sent out to do damage control once again, politely greets the women, and then pulls Kim G. aside to politely let her know that for the sake of everyone’s sanity, Monica cannot stay. Joe joins the conversation, and also asks her to have Monica leave. Kim keeps on going, saying that Monica “is classy, she’s a lawyer…” Oh, really? She’s classy, and she’s a friend of yours? Nice try, Kimmy. No one’s buying it. The Gorga’s aren’t backing down, and Jacqueline joins in. She tells Kim that she needs to talk to Teresa, and Kim says that she did nothing to her. Ha!
Next week looks like another family get-together-turned-showdown, and the desperate Kim G. is back again. Please, please someone tell her that even though she ruins every potentially good moment on the show, she will never be promoted to a full-time cast member.
Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.
SOMETHING CREEPY'S GOING ON INSIDE A CALIFORNIA MANSION WHERE A NAKED WOMAN WAS FOUND HANGING FROM A BALCONY, HER HANDS AND FEET BOUND, last week.
Rebecca Nalepa, 32, was described as the girlfriend of Medicis Pharmaceutical CEO Jonah Shacknai, who yesterday confirmed that his six-year-old son died after falling down stairs just two days earlier in the same 27-room house mansion in San Diego County. Investigators say Nalepa suffered "a very violent and very suspicious end' inside the mansion.
Shacknai. 54, released a statement saying his son Max died "despite heroic efforts on the part of paramedics and hospital staff." The boy reportedly fell Monday but died yesterday from his injuries. He was Shacknai's son with his second wife, Dina Romano, whom he divorced in 2008.
Nalepa was found by a relative of Shacknai, according to reports. "Because of the unique and bizarre circumstances of this incident, it has yet to be determined if this will become a criminal matter or a death investigation," San Diego Sheriff's Capt. Tim Curran told BNO news.
Medicis Pharmaceutical produces facial wrinkle treatment Restylane and other skin conditions. founded the company in 1988 after serving as an aide in a House Of Representatives' committee on health, environmental and science and a subsequent partner in a law firm representing multinational pharmaceuticals and medical device makers.
The site of the mysterious deaths was the Spreckles mansion, built in 1908 by John D. Spreckels, who was the owner of the San Diego Union and San Diego Tribune, according to theDaily Mail.
The original headline incorrectly said Nalepa was found bound and gagged. We regret the error.
THE GLAMOROUS BECKHAMS ARE GOING GAGA OVER BABY NO. 4, a little girl named Harper Seven. And, in turn, the media are giddy about the first photographs of the girl that the couple have released on Twitter.
The baby was joins bros Brooklyn, 12, Romeo, 8, and Cruz, 6. "Baby Harper is the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen," Posh said on Twitter. "I have fallen in love all over again!"
And ever since the wee one's name was announced people have wondered about the reason behind the moniker. And, never one to disappoint his fans, the footballer explained on YouTube how he and Victoria arrived at the name. "A lot of thought goes into our children's names and Harper was a name that we've loved for a long time for a couple of reasons,'' Becks says. "One reason is Harper's an old English name which we loved, and one of the other reasons was Victoria's favourite book is To Kill A Mockingbird and the author was Harper Lee. It's a very strong, passionate book. That's where Harper came from.”
Of 'Seven,'' he says, "Part of it is because I had so much luck around wearing that number, wearing it for England, wearing it for Manchester United. The other reasons behind Seven was because it symbolises spiritual perfection, the Seven Wonders Of The World, seven colours of the rainbow, and in many cultures around the world it's regarded as a lucky number.''
On Sunday, the couple took turns tweeting pictures of the baby. "Daddy's little girl!," cooed Victoria, 37, in the picture she released showing David rubbing noses with the baby. David, 36, released the above photo of "my two girls sleeping."
Sleep? With an infant? The enchanting Beckhams are lucky indeed.
ELIN NORDEGREN HAS RECOVERED NICELY FROM THE MORTIFYING EMBARASSMENT of her ex-husband's extra-curricular affairs. The former Mrs. Tiger Woods has apparently captured the attentions of Jamie Dingman, the son of American billionaire businessman Michael Dingman.
"He's never been so happy,'' the New York Post quotes a source (and we'll keep our fingers crossed that the info wasn't overheard in a tapped phone call).
"He and Elin have strong feelings for each other. He's a classic all-American guy. He's handsome, a total gentleman and low-key. He's never been in the press. Elin's a very lucky girl; he's a great guy but very private."
The tab reports that the two have been getting cozy since January and were spotted together in Elin's home country of Sweden last week.
Jamie, described as "charming," has reportedly dallied with actress Bridget Moynahan and -- STFU! -- Rachel Uchitel, Tiger's mistress at the time of his Thanksgiving eve car accident in 2009. After the scrape, news quickly spread that the sports legend had been sleeping around on his wife for years with strippers, porn stars, other men's wives, and waitresses. Despite having two young children and attempting to reconcile, the couple divorced with Elin, 31, bagging anywhere between $100 million and $750 million in the settlement --enough to live in luxury for the rest of her life. But such windfall no doubt also frees her up to consider other traits in a man besides his wealth: things like intelligence, loyalty, and kindness. Greenbacks have a way of clouding vision, amirite?
Every woman should be so lucky.
WE'RE WALTZING INTO A MEETING WITH LUANN AND HER MUSIC PRODUCER, CHRIS.
She's brought along her assistant, Michael. I admire you Michael. I admire anyone who can assist these neurotics.
There's also a bunch of creative types and they’re discussing ideas for the music video for 'Chic C'est La Vie.' They’ve decided to shoot it at the Borgata in A.C. LuAnn suddenly looks sheepish and asks if 'AC' is short for Atlantic City, she thought they might have meant air-conditioning. Hee. I give them credit for not leaning back in their chairs and howling at that. Then she looks wary when they mention using a Hummer. But no, she doesn’t ask if they mean a blowjob, she just wonders if a Hummer is classy enough. She throws around her usual adjectives about herself – elegant, classy, Sophia Loren. Wait, what? Is she comparing herself to Sophia Loren? Please.
Sonja and Ramona meet at a gym. Sonja's really over this exercising stuff in about two minutes but keeps going. They chat about appearing in LuAnn's video. Ramona thought the last video was too provocative and wouldn’t want her daughter to be embarrassed, and Sonja’s going to ask her young daughter how she would feel about it. Ramona calls LuAnn a weekend mom again and tells Sonja how easily teenage girls are embarrassed. In contrast, Sonja loved the video for Money Can’t Buy You Class and is considering it but knows that Ramona has made up her mind.
Simon and Alex, along with their kids and a couple of friends, are cooking hot dogs over their backyard fire pit. After they shoo their son, François, away from the fire it seems he heads for the beer. They ask him not to drink the beer, and Simon asks him to wait until he's 17 or 18. Then they begin discussing Alex appearing in the video. Simon notes they have friends visiting who Alex would miss spending time with as the first excuse. But Alex says she doesn’t like LuAnn dictating class to everyone else and not displaying enough of it herself. Then she says her mom would not like it either. It’s not personal, she says, but ”you just don’t say class.” I guess to her that means you have none. We also learn that though Alex is from the humble state of Kansas, her father owned oil fields and they had three, count 'em, three houses. It seems Alex could have bought and sold, title-less LuAnn. They both disapprove of LuAnn throwing her title around and defining herself with her title. In other words, fuck her and her video.
Jill is at a medical center wearing a funny red cap with electrodes on it. She runs through all the diseases you have to check out loud. How annoying. It’s just her and the doctor but it’s still annoying. Can she ever just be silent? She’s having some kind of a brain scan to test her memory power. Of course, this is a doctor Sonja referred her to. Then Sonja arrives and Jill immediately tells her that her daughter Allie thinks it will be cool for her to be in the video.
Can I interrupt here and say that I have never in my life gone to a doctor’s appointment with any of my friends. Ever. But I would go if they asked me, say it was something serious. But these women think nothing of crowding a small examination room with their jewels and furs.
Sonja starts running down excuses about why she can’t be in the video, most concerning her daughter. Then she says she's concerned it will be too sexy. Jill says it won’t be and she tells us she doesn’t believe any of these excuses. When Sonja tells her that Ramona is out, the light bulb comes on and Jill tells us that that is the real reason. When Sonja tells Jill that Ramona’s issue is her daughter, Jill says you can’t listen to your kids and invites Sonja to just come along for the ride and to support LuAnn. Sonja still cries, my daughter, my daughter, homework. The doctor (yeah, remember him?) has been witness to this entire conversation. His face says he just wants to be anywhere else.
We're having lunch with LuAnn and Ramona at a restaurant named Madison & Vine. They swap Sweet 16 party stories and then get down the video. LuAnn says she heard Ramona doesn’t want to be in it. Ramona says she’s a role model to her daughter and that Avery doesn’t want her to do it. Ramona tells us that LuAnn just wants all of the ladies to make it better for LuAnn. Then she goes on to tell LuAnn how much time she spends with Avery, how you have to spend time with your kids so they can turn out well. LuAnn’s eyes open wide at that and she says she does spend time with her kids. She gets that Ramona is dissing her and can’t let that fly. As Ramona prattles on about her family unit, including Mario, LuAnn’s wheels are turning. After all, Ramona is pretty much saying she’s a lousy mom. When Ramona says it’s just the right message to send to her kid, LuAnn brings up Turtle time and we see a flashback video of Ramona, drunk as a skunk, dancing in circles on a pier, drink in hand. They argue, it gets heated and LuAnn’s pursing her lips in a death grimace. When Ramona continues about the family unit, LuAnn asks how things are going with all the parts of her tight family unit, meaning how are things Mario. Ramona bites right back: things are great, married 16 years, both so lucky. But then tells LuAnn it must be horrible to be with someone who cheats on you all the time. Oooooo, chile. LuAnn asks like she has no idea who Ramona is talking about. So Ramona points out that LuAnn’s husband cheated on her. Well, LuAnn, steaming now, is not getting into that topic, so she huffs it outta there quick. That was enough of her business being thrown around. She's so disgusted with Ramona it’s a wonder she doesn’t hook her chair with her foot on the way out and dump her on the floor. I know she wanted to. Game, set, match -- Ramona.
And the spats don’t end there. We're now at Sonja’s townhouse, waiting for Cindy to visit. Sonja's giving her another shot at friendship, another chance to be part of the pecking order. She’s going to cook breakfast for Cindy and make her a Bellini. And then all will be well. Cindy does that 5 meals-a-day thing, so she’ll have 6 today. When Sonja complains of missing her dance class, Cindy tells us she’s missing work, damnit. Sonja’s annoyed when Cindy’s assistant shows up. She gets more upset when Cindy takes a conference call at the table and Sonja is ignored. But, really, she’s hosting a conference call when she’s a guest at someone’s home? If she’s that much about business come another time. Cindy is such a screwball. Then when Cindy shushes her Sonja is fucking beside herself and calls her rude. Cindy asks for two more minutes. Sonja gets livid, politely, and continues to get on her. Cindy says give me 30 seconds. Nope, Sonja is not about it. Cindy tells us she thought they were friends but apologizes even though she didn’t know what she was doing that was so wrong. Maybe Sonja shoulda just stayed quiet and listened. She failed at the movie business so you would think she would appreciate a lesson from a successful businesswoman.
We’re in AC (Atlantic City) now, doing hair and makeup for the music video. Jill is beyond thrilled. She asks us who would want a 47-year-old, non-singer in their video. She’s right. When she sees the beautiful sunset they’re driving by, Jill starts directing the director, since she can’t sing. She and LuAnn chat in the back of a limo and lipsync the title lyrics. LuAnn tells us she felt sorry for the director having to put up with Jill. Feel sorry for me LuAnn.
Alex and Simon are giving a small benefit at their home for the New York Foundation for the Arts. Ramona’s husband, Mario, doesn’t like hanging out in Brooklyn. Neither does Ramona, but they’re going and Sonja is joining them. Sonja’s breasts are already halfway outta her silver sequined dress. She’s dressed, as she and Ramona tend to do, for a much grander affair than an artsy gathering across the bridge. I think they like showing the Brooklyn denizens that they are definitely not from here. Ramona is appalled at the wire hangers for coats. She and Sonja do a quick Mommie Dearest impersonation, saying in unison, and just a little too loudly “NO WIRE HANGERS.” After hanging up her coat Sonja’s boobs do fall out but it’s an artsy crowd so… as Simon says, no harm, no foul. Ramona complains about the low energy of the party but perks up when Sonja’s hunky boyfriend appears. She also feels her presence livens things up. Okay. Believe that if you want, babe. As Simon warmly welcomes the group from Manhattan to Brooklyn, Mario embarrasses Ramona by chiming in “and on a Friday night.” That was lame. Lame, Mario.
Sonja tells Ramona and Alex about her horrible breakfast with Cindy and how Cindy had the nerve to shush her. Doesn’t she know who she is? She's an ex-Morgan. She says she gave Cindy’s utensils to her assistant and Cindy said, “Oh no, she doesn’t eat.” Sonja was giving them to the assistant so she could help Cindy eat, but Cindy was too busy on the phone to appreciate her gesture. I hope the assistant eventually got something to eat somewhere.
Then we're back in the casino and Kelly and Bobby have joined the video crew. Jill complains about the absence of the blondes and Kelly tells us it was wrong for them not to come and support LuAnn. When Jill deems LuAnn's video coif too curly, she also tell us that as LuAnn’s best friend she couldn’t let her go out like that. God, she is up that woman’s ass like a hemorrhoid.
So instead of shooting the video the blondes are taking a hip hop class to learn how to do the Dougie. But first Ramona has to learn whether it’s hip hop or hop hip. Yea, she said hop hip. In 2011.
Alex, unembarrassed, says she used to do the 'running man' and that dance moves are always the same, just the names change. Alex says she’s rather be learning hip hop than shooting a video with a message she doesn’t support. Alex, get off that soapbox already. It’s like marriage equality déjà vu. We understand, you’re just not about "class."
Back at the video shoot, the brunettes are walking across the marble lobby of the Borgata. Again. Jill’s whining, of course, about the amount of takes. Oh yeah, and her legs are shorter, her shoes hurt. Then take off those six inch Louboutins, girl. They’re shooting around a craps table and Kelly has left. Of course. Unless she’s in another country and can’t escape, Kelly never stays long. The director says to not look directly at the camera and we know he means Jill. Oh, Michael the assistant has made it into the video. When they get to throw the chips all up in the air and let them fall where they may, I'm jealous. LuAnn tells us that she knows Jill thought the shoot would be easy and it’s just not. Jill says she’s leaving the music videos to P. Diddy.
A YEAR AFTER INTRODUCING US TO BRADLEY MANNING, WIRED ATTEMPTS TO COME CLEAN BY RELEASING THE FULL chat logs between Adrian Lamo and the military analyst accused of spilling U.S. government secrets to WikiLeaks. But the chats' release only further muddy the tech publication's reputation.
In June 2010, the tech blog released redacted online conversations between the soldier and the notoriously publicity-seeking hacker Lamo. At the time, Wired claimed it was withholding "portions of the chats that discuss deeply personal information about Manning or that reveal apparently sensitive military information." But the complete chat logs reveal Lamo's outright deception of the isolated soldier who reached out to him, in part, because he had donated to WikiLeaks. And they undermine Wired's claims that they withheld information to protect Manning and the U.S. government.
"Uhm, trying to keep a low profile for now though, just a warning," Manning tells Lamo after a few dozen chat exchanges.
"I’m a journalist and a minister,'' Lamo writes back. "You can pick either, and treat this as a confession or an interview (never to be published) & enjoy a modicum of legal protection."
Over the course of several days, Manning goes on to spill details about his family dysfunction, about growing up harassed as a "girly boy," his desire to transition to a female, his isolation, and ultimately his feeding of sensitive military documents to WikiLeaks' servers.
"I'm in the desert, with a bunch of hyper-masculine trigger happy ignorant rednecks as neighbors,'' Manning lamented. "And the only safe place I seem to have is this satellite internet connection."
The complete chat paints Manning as an idealist, confused about his gender and his future -- and also wildly naive and trusting. The latter conclusion is reached after reading how eager he is to confess to a renown publicity hound who keeps dropping his own clues about his intent. Lamo digs for Manning's name, age, assignment and location.
"How old are you?,'' Lamo asks. "22,'' writes back Manning. "But I'm not a source for you… I'm talking to you as someone who needs moral and emotional fucking support."
"I told you, none of this is for print,'' Lamo responds. "I want to know who I'm supporting."
Twice now Wired has strenuously argued that it withheld the full chats out of journalistic due diligence. Kevin Poulsen, the editor who collaborated with Lamo on publicizing his role in Manning's arrest, wrote a fiery defense last December in which he dismisses criticism, particularly from Salon's Glenn Greenwald, as "murky conspiracy theory." And Evan Hansen wrote this week: "We stand by that decision and our reasoning, but we now believe that independent reporting elsewhere has tipped the scale in favor of publishing.''
But a close reading of the full chats implicate them in covering up Lamo's underhanded attempts to mislead Manning into trusting him. And though the editors claim that they sought to protect Manning's privacy as well as U.S. secrets, those are hard arguments to swallow in light of Lamo's duplicity. 
Poulsen, who has previously served time for hacking, gets peeved when accused of having a "relationship" with Lamo. And you can forgive him for wanting to break the news of an arrest in the biggest military leak in history. But that scoop landed in his lap because of his "relationship" with Lamo, and from a distance it's clear that his hunger for the story got in the way of his objectivity over Lamo, who has shown time and time again that he'll do anything for publicity.
"I don't know… I'm just, weird I guess,'' Manning muses at one point during the chats, then goes on to add over the next 35 minutes: "I can't separate myself from others. I feel connected to everybody… like they were distant family.
"I… care?"
Lamo's response : "I get that...which is why I’m sad for the people I sometimes have to hurt."
Elizabeth C. is a supporter of WikiLeaks.
I'VE NEVER READ THE BLOGS OF THE HOUSEWIVES BUT CURIOSITY FINALLY GOT THE BEST OF ME.
I was so confused about the tiff between Simon and Jill that I decided to read Simon's blog entry for the latest episode. It was everything I expected -- gossipy and to the point. He's totally the seventh Housewife.
I didn’t actually hear him ask Jill to lunch but just followed along after I heard Jill say that. Turns out he just wanted to meet -- didn’t care where or when. But Jill continues to act like he was trying to get her alone to mug her. And he wasn’t apologizing for being a cyberbully but for telling her earlier to "watch out."
He and Alex also got together with some Chicago bloggers, including a woman who dislikes Jill maybe even more than I do. And when Jill got word of their largess, which I think was pretty cool, she got her shapewear in a twist. She's one of those people who demands that her friends (or acquaintances) hate whom she hates and the world just doesn’t work like that. Simon and Alex are grownups who can meet with whomever they choose.
I really believe Simon when he says he never "mean tweeted" about her. He doesn’t have to: there are thousands out there who will do it for him. Jill needs to face the ugly truth: she's not a likable person, at least not to a lot of us real folks. She started out as a favorite Housewife, and just like Nene Leakes and Teresa Guidice, wore out her welcome quickly. The show went to their heads and viewers witnessed it happen. Alex and Simon don’t care who says what about them – Simon says they even try to chat with their haters to convince them otherwise – and it shows in how chill they usually are.
So Jill, chill out. When you show that these people get to you, that’s what enables them to continue. They like to see you squirm. And so do I.
CURIOSITY IS THE MOST AWESOME FUEL FOR EXPLORATION.
Here, Berlin artist IEPE and "an anonymous crew" dump 500 liters of water-based paint onto a Berlin intersection to paint the town. Then, of course, videotape it, cut it with cool music, and throw it up on YouTube. There are worst ways to snatch your 15 minutes of fame.
Via Gawker.
THE HIT DRAMEDY GLEE IS GETTING REAL.
When Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson and the other incoming seniors graduate next spring, the show won't follow them to college. And Mr. Shue will not follow them to a fictional place of higher learning.
Creator Ryan Murphy has announced that season three will be those characters’ last -- making way for new students to take over New Directions. But teaching nemeses Matthew Morrison and Jane Lynch will stay on at McKinley High School after the class of 2012 graduates. Thank god, too, because what would Glee be without Sue Sylvester’s wonderfully offensive remarks about the socially-impaired show choir members?
To find fresh faces for the series, Ryan and Oxygen launched The Glee Project which led to the casting of at least one new cast member, although it’s uncertain that one new regular character can fill the big shoes Lea Michele, Chris Colfer, and Cory Monteith will be leaving behind.
The shakeup in season four's cast will no doubt be good for the show, despite how hard it is imaging McKinley without Michele’s shrill voice, Colfer’s “woe is me” Kurt (who really carried the show during season two), or Monteith’s self-conflicted charms.
"You can keep them on the show for six years and people will criticize you for not being realistic," Murphy said of the departing characters. "Or you can be really true to life and say when they started the show they were very clearly sophomores and they should graduate at the end of their senior year."
Then again, very little of the dramedy seems “true to life” when you’ve got football players breaking out into Michael Jackson’ Thriller or kids thinking they can successfully pull-off a Rocky Horror Picture Show tribute. At least Rachel Berry and Co. can say good-bye with integrity intact.
Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.
SINCE THE PARTY NEVER STOPS IN THE BIG APPLE, Sonja decides to throw a burlesque jam. Hope she does it up right or Jill will have a field day.
She goes costume shopping with Ramona and her daughter, Avery. Sonja asks Avery if she wants to come to the party. Avery looks like she asked her to strip right here and now. She pretty much says, 'With all you old people in nipple baring bustiers? No thank you.' She thinks these clothes are only fit for Halloween. I love that.
And Sonja's giving a performance of sorts.
When the clerk shows Ramona a very, very short black, spangly skirt, Avery is horrified and tells him her mom is not 20 years old and can't wear THAT. But it goes so well with the cane and pasties they look at next. Hee. One of the sales people is obviously transgendered and Ramona says he looks like Sonja. To which Sonja agrees and compares their makeup. Then, ching ching let that cash register ring. As they try on clothes they talk about Simon and his tweeting, which seems to be the hot topic lately.
Jill's gathering munchies to eat on her train trip to visit daughter, Alison, who's studying in Bronxville. So she's either at Concordia College or Sarah Lawrence. Since Jill didn't mention the name of the school, I'm guessing Concordia. Jill has her little dog with her. Inane chatter ensues about vegetarianism and classes. Jill is surprised when Allie tells her that one of her classes is "Sex is not a natural act." Allie finds the sexual theories interesting and wants to maybe be a sex columnist, maybe. Jill's not having that although she smiles when she tells Allie she just wants her to be happy. They go shopping; what else is mom for but the credit card. Jill's critical from the git-go, a typical mother-daughter shopping trip in my opinion. So familiar. She makes sure to save 10% by asking if the store has a student discount. She's nothing if not parsimonious.
Lots of mother-daughter bonding this week. LuAnn gives daughter Victoria a driving lesson in the Housewife car of preference, the Range Rover. Meanwhile Ramona meets Avery at a restaurant. When Ramona says she needs to make a couple of calls, Avery whines that she'll just sit there then. Ramona gets the message and decides the calls can wait. Ramona tells us she's just a hormonal teenager. But then Avery continues in the same vein, complaining that she feels like she lives in the apartment by herself, never knowing when her parents will be home. Ramona's not having it, she tells us that even though Avery won't say a word to them, she still wants them home. Right, Ramona, it's called paying attention to your kid sometime. Life's too short, girlie, she'll be gone in a minute.
Then Avery surprises and delights her mom by reading her a paper she wrote for school. It's all mushy about how Ramona is her role model and how much she loves her. Only problem, she mentions Ramona's age -- 54. Ha. Ramona is as touched as any mother would be.
OOOOO, it's Chris March again. I can't get enough of him. Sonja asks him to "March" her, baby. It seems he's really going to make adjustments to a white swan-like outfit she's already bought. When she wonders why the front of her skirt is so sheer Chris tells her that it's on backwards. Then she starts to float across the small room from one side to the other, arms fluttering like a ballerina, saying, "Catch me if you can, catch me if you can." Chris looks quizzical. When she shows him how she tried on her bustier, backwards as well, and wondered why her boobs were hanging out, he choked. She tells him she needs his help since her nipples go east and west. O.....K.
Ramona arrives with the Pinot. What's weird here, well at least to me, is that Sonja pours a glass, hands the bottle and glass to her assistant and asks her to give it to Ramona -- who is one foot away. But after she passes it to the assistant, she then walked right past Ramona. These people are all just one or two feet from each other. But it was up to the assistant to serve. Makes me wonder, Sonja.
Sonja then runs the lyrics to her performance by Ramona. Here's a sample:
Those who doubt are outWhen asked her opinion of the lyrics Ramona calls the piece witty and fun. Very diplomatic, Ramona. You know they're wack.
Beauty comes from inside
So don't try to hitch a free ride
Money can't buy you class
But you don't need class when you have this...a --(She's doing the finger lick-touch-your-ass-psssst! movement, instead of saying the word ass.)
You know those jealous bitches
They're always snitches.
JUST IN TIME FOR WHACK WEDNESDAY COMES THE ULTIMATE WHACK: BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA ARE GETTING MARRIED.
Or so says US Weekly which reports that the news comes from three separate sources. The two will reportedly make it legal sometime in the next several months.
This latest wedding rumor just as their usual publicity stunts -- he takes the kids to the set, she speaks about anything -- have failed to generate the usual buzz. But the couple did say they wouldn't get married until it was legal for gays to get married -- a milestone that will reach New York on July 24 and bringing to six the number of states in which same-sexed couples can get wed. Congrats to you two tatted wacky lovebirds.
And here's the rest of the tidbits making this week worth talking about:
Have you seen the "Got PMS? Get milk" ad campaign. Apparently milk reduces the symptoms of PMS, and this campaign is aimed at men who might want to see that happen under their own roof. In addition to the usual magazine ads, there’s a site called EverythingIDoIsWrong.org, where men can verify that they’ve fucked up, among other things. And I’m like, “Really? These fucking cavemen need a whole WEBSITE?”
Look, here’s where this campaign misses: the PMS factor is irrelevant. Men need to use emotional common sense when they deal with women, and 90% of the time, they simply don’t. That’s where they make their mistake. Think about it, ladies: when it’s your time to shine each month, you probably want sugary stuff like pop or a margarita. NOT MILK. So yeah, sport-o, you DID do something wrong. You put this fucking milk in her fridge instead of the pop she asked you to pick up because her RAGING CRAMPS make it difficult to get off the couch without the heating pad.
This campaign sucks so hard. It also makes me remember the assholes who made snide comments about how I must be PMSing instead of actually thinking about the dumb shit they did to make me mad in the first place.
If you thought advertisers verifying your jerky brother or boyfriend’s “PMS” slander was invasive and rude, you really shouldn’t engage Rupert Murdoch’s "news" organizations. This week, the media mogul who famously over-over-overpaid for MySpace was red in the face once again when the story surfaced about his UK publication, News of the World. The reporters seem to have had a penchant for hacking the personal voicemails of celebrities, politicians and underage murder victims (and, in the case of that last one, totally fucking up the investigation). Now, Murdoch has quietly dropped his bid to purchase one of Britain’s biggest broadcasters, BSkyB. Might those two Bs stand for “Big” and “Brother?”
And finally, to cap off the most invasive week ever, we now have a new social networking site, Google Plus, to migrate to. That’s right, folks, the Facebook pool is officially overcrowded. So here’s a quick cheat sheet from Lifehacker that shows you how to navigate the new site, so you can ditch your mom, your cousins and anyone else who’s cyberstalking you, or posting embarrassing pics of your awkward years for your co-workers and various exes to see.
Miz J has an attitude. Deal with it. Check out her NSFW comedy podcast, I SAID IT, on iTunes or follow her on Facebook or on Twitter @askmizj.br>
JUST ABOUT NOW, JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IS SNACKING ON HIS WORDS. The pop star publicly shamed Mila Kunis into accepting a date from U.S. Sgt. Scott Moore to the Marine Ball Corps in Greenville, N.C. later this year. "Do it for your country," Timberlake pressed when he overheard Kunis being quizzed about the invite by a reporter while the two stars were promoting their upcoming movie, Friends With Benefits.
He then told the reporter, "You know what man? I'm gonna work on this for you."
Kunis responded, "I'll go. I'll do it for you. And it's November. OK. We're going to make this happen, sir. I'm with ya."
But now the tables have turned: a female soldier has extended an invite to Timberlake.
"So Justin, you want to call out my girl, Mila?," teases Corporal Kelsey De Santis, serving at the Martial Arts Center For Excellence at Quantico, Va. "Well, I'm going to call you out and ask you to come to the Marine Ball with me on Nov. 12 in Washington, D.C. And If you can't go, all I have to say is cry me a river. Hit me."
DeSantis' threat to "cry" is reference to a popular Timberlake song rumored to be about Britney Spears.
Where's your patriotic fever now, Justin? It's your duty to serve.
PARTAY, PARTAY, PARTAY! There ain't no party like a Housewife party cause a Housewife party don't stop. But let's skip over Ramona and LuAnn's sweet 16 parties for their teen daughters. What happened?
A bunch of entitled teens danced and had a great time. But of course, the moms spared no expense. Now Ramona is having a party for Sonja but telling everyone, except Kelly and Alex, that it's a birthday party for herself.
We see Cindy waxing some guys stomach, very near his woo hoo. It's a promotional event for her bikini waxing services. Jill's first question when she arrives, 'Who does your packaging?' Always the businesswoman.
Simon refuses to have his chest waxed which is a surprise. He corners Jill, with Kelly at her side as her new bulldog, and refers to the grievance-burning ceremony she had with Alex and asks her to lunch. Well, you woulda thought he said, 'Please Jill, run naked with me through Central Park today.' Kelly starts frowning and is curious as to what that is about, while Jill says she's not sure what he wants with her either. Kelly advises Jill to just blow him off but Jill senses a challenge and walks over to chat with him.
She tells Simon it's weird for him to ask somebody elses wife to lunch. Really? Really, Jill? She claims that the past is the past, but he tells her she's not over it. Over what? Jill says Bobby wouldn't ask Alex to lunch (he knows Jill would kill him) to hopefully solve a problem between Jill and Alex. Simon insists they''e gonna settle whatever and she should watch out. Why did he say that?
When LuAnn joins the coven she agrees with Kelly. She tells them her lunch with Alex did not go well at all. Meanwhile, Alex tells Simon maybe it's time for them to go. The ladies get all atwitter about cyberbullying and who's dangerous and who's social climbing. Alex and Simon leave, but not before Kelly asks him to stop mean tweeting her and to be a man. Kelly really doesn't like mean tweeting. LuAnn says th couples treatment of "the circle" has been abominable.
Outside, Simon has had it with "that lot." I love that phrase, "that lot." And so appropriate in this situation. He just wants to talk to Jill and they act like he wants to fuck her. Jeez, It's a weird day when I feel for Simon. That lot, indeed.
Sonja's cleaning toilets and summons a plumber. You see, she only has help two days a week now, in her weakened financial state, and absolutely no help on the weekends and is just discombobulated. But she has time, and money, to hire some woman to come and clear the bad energy in her house. Sigh. Then the plumber shows her what's been plugging up her commode. A blackberry. Not a giant, toilet-plugging piece of fruit -- a phone. Yes. And she hadn't missed it, I guess. The rich, they are not like you and I.
The cleansing woman talks some Feng Shui shit then asks Sonja what, exactly, she wants to clear. Sonja tears up and tells her how hard it is for her now. And the haters, oh, the haters, So cleansing woman talks about sitting a certain way at her desk, facing prosperity, making dedications, o, boy. They burn rose petals and sage, so new age. They kiss goodbye. Hope it works, Sonja, we love ya and wish we could kiss it and make it all better for you.
Oh, get the fuck outta here. Jill is painting her apartment herself (!!???)and has asked Kelly and LuAnn over to help. Please, no way she wouldn't hire people for that. She had her entire apartment professionally decorated, no way she risks a nail painting. And they're not even painting that horrible wallpaper in her living room. Some random room, probably not even in her house, some set somewhere. And there's a woman in the background that is actually painting. We don't meet her because she's the real painter, the hired help. Anyway, she tells us that Simon has been cyberbullying her. Ah, such a persecution complex. Kelly and LuAnn continue to tell her to stay away from him. HE'S A CYBERBULLY. Fucking Twitter. Why is anyone over 12 on Twitter? I'll shut up now. Had to get that out. Luann pronounces Simon creepy and tells us he's using "the circle" to further his new online career. Is he getting PAID to mean tweet? Should I take a drink every time someone says tweet? I have some Sangria that's calling my name.
It's the day after the party and Simon asks Alex if she's upset with what happened last night. Of course she isn't, Alex loves Simon unconditionally. That I admire. When he tells her he doesn't want to mess up her relationship with Jill she tells him there's no Alex and Jill unless there's Simon and Jill. Awww. And it seems that she knows Simon and Jill were kinda tight at one point. But alas, that now seems to be torn asunder. Well, Simon's hungry, they go eat.
it's the night of the party for Sonja. Ramona has invited a lot of Sonja's old friends and tells us that Sonja deserves some sunshine. Awwww, again. Aimon's dressed in what Mario calls a muumuu, some long black thingy with a zipper from shoulder to neck, very Matrix. What a peacock, even if he's in black.
Ramona's bossing everyone around, arranging them into a receiving line, each one with a rose for the guest of honor. Sonja finally arrives and Kelly escorts her up the stairs. She seems bewildered and can't imagine the party is for her and thinks it must be a party for Kelly since everyone is staring at them.
When Ramona explains what's happening, Sonja says she's used to throwing the parties and no one has ever thrown a party for her. She's shaking she's so moved. Her cutie guy friend kisses her hand. With violins playing and canapes being moved around the room, Cindy enters all apologies. She had come late from her own office holiday party. That was nice of her. She tells us that even though Sonja's not her favorite, since they made up she thought she'd come through for her tonight.
Ramona confronts Jill about not inviting her to be part of the group product survey. She thought Jill should have at least called to tell her about it even without an invitation. Jill immediately blames it on her partner. Ramona cries bullshit in a nicer way and Jill, caught, says she's glad Ramona called her on it in a nice way (which is what they vowed to do in Morocco) so she can learn from it. I call double bullshit, learn scherm, she'll still be the catty, two-faced "friend" she always is.
Ramona takes Mario and Sonja into a separate room where photos are showing on a big screen. It should be for Sonja but there are more pictures of Ramona, and of Ramona and Mario, than Sonja. This is weird and I wonder why they aren't sharing it with the rest of the guests. Sonja wonders how Ramona got all her friends, who were supposed to be in San Tropez or on their way to Palm Beach, stay in NYC for a fabulous party. Ramona hopes this party shows Sonja how much she is loved. You are Sonja, we love ya and wish ya the best. I hear her ex is being a real dick with the finances, and that's hard for a glamour girl like S.
I know now, after this scene, that Cindy is one of those people who's really smart but doesn't have a lick of common sense. The kind of person whose tooth falls out on a city street. The kind of person who tries to match wits with Sonja. Today she's having lunch with her cute elderly parents. She only has one of her twins with her. Bring them both? Impossible. She acts like she's never met a baby. What are these foreign beings? She has one kid and is with her parents and she can't cope. Nope. She can't seem to figure out how to seat the child in a high chair but when she holds the baby on her lap it starts grabbing things, as babies will do, like knives. So she calls her office and asks someone to come help her. That person must have been waiting outside in the car because they arrive within two seconds, Seriously, two seconds. The woman takes the kid, before even taking off her coat, and sits a few feet away. Cindy tells her parents she has to take the kids on a trip and traveling with them is a major predicament for her -- first class or business. Her mother, exasperated with her lack of parental skills, finally says do whatever you want to do. Jeeez.
Kelly meets Alex for brunch. They're supposedly just checking in with each other, but Kelly is out for blood. She tells Alex of her concerns about Simon's mean tweeting about the ladies and how it hurts her feelings. Alex says she should talk to Simon. Kelly calls him creepy and inappropriate. They both profess to never saying anything about the other. Ugh, Kelly starts her passive-aggressive "I don't want to fight" then proceeds to fight. She tells Alex, condescendingly to her face, that she's always telling people Alex is having a hard time, she has two kids, and that she always sticks up for her. WHAT??? says Alex's face. WHAT. A. BITCH, says I. Yeah, tell everyone we're broke, thanks. Alex, getting red and hivey, tells her she can stick up for herself and tells also tells Kelly, once again, that if she has a problem with Simon -- take it up with Simon.
But no, no, no, They get all school teacherly on each other with Kelly professing to just caring about Alex. Then, she starts that "calm it down" stuff she pulls with Bethenny all the time. Like someone is going off on her when they aren't. Alex is not going wild and is perfectly calm, she's almost comatose she's so calm with this bitch. Man, do I hate when she does that stuff. She has much more of a problem than Alex will ever have. Kelly tells us that Simon is like a pageant dad, and since Alex won't take her side over his Alex is guilty by default. She tells Alex she's in danger of being "iced out" by the group. Now Kelly is going gangster, she's learning from LuAnn. Alex doesn't seem to care about that. She asks us what makes Kelly think she would take anyone else's side over Simon? All right, girl, stand by that man.
HERE'S A MESSAGE TO LADY GAGA FROM THE COTTON CANDIED QUEEN OF POP, KATY PERRY: Anything you can do I can do better.
Katy tweeted the snap above of herself transformed into shimmering mermaid just weeks after Lady G performed as mythological sea creature on French TV's Le Grand Journal. Even earlier, leaked photos showed that Gaga initially toyed with using the concept on her Edge Of Glory music video.
But taking the contest one step further, Perry's pic shows her planking on a piling beneath a bride. "PROPER planking FTW! #itswhatArielwoulddo," Katy boasted on Twitter.
The tweeted pic has Gaga's so-called "creative director" Laurieann Gibson in a snit. "Proud of my artist #1 in the world @Ladygaga her vision& passion,'' Gibson tweeted a few hours after Perry's photo went out. "Even though they try to steal a tail there's only 1 Mermaid, Swim On!!!"
For the record, Gibson and Little Monsters: Katy also appeared as a mermaid at the 2009 Life Ball in Vienna, held to raise money for those afflicted with HIV and AIDs. 
A MICHIGAN WOMAN WANTS HER FACEBOOK BEAU TO PAY UP FOR UNFRIENDING HER.
Cheryl Gray, 50, claims she was romanced by Wylie Iwan while the two played "Mafia Wars" but then unceremoniously dismissed shortly before flying to meet her dream beau.
"I feel foolish," Gray confessed to the Tri-City Herald who claims Iwan frequently claimed he was falling in love with her.
"I'm not so much mad or angry,'' she said. "I feel foolish. I am disillusioned."
Iwan, who allegedly derailed the impending meeting after confessing that he met a woman at a bar, has said he didn't mean to lead Gray on. He accuses Gray of starting a Facebook page calling im a predator.
"For Valentine's Day, she said she wanted to tell me she loved me as a friend. I told her I love her, too. I was meaning it as a friend."
Iwan halted Gray's plans to travel to Washington, D.C. to meet him person. Now she's seeking in excess of $8,000 in damages against the Applebee's server, according to the New York Daily News.
EVEN PLASTIC ARYANS WERE OKAY IN HITLER'S BOOK. OR SO CLAIMS A Sun story that alleges the Führer approved the purchase of blonde plastic dolls to protect France-based Nazi troops away from diseased hookers.
Author Graeme Donald reportedly uncovered the "Borghild Project," while researching the Barbie doll.
"It is our duty to prevent soldiers from risking their health for the sake of a quick adventure," SS chief Henrich Himmler asserted in a memo which declared that the "greatest danger in Paris is the widespread and uncontrolled presence of whores, picking up clients in bars, dance halls, and other places." Allegedly Hitler personally approved of the blond, blue-eyed blowups that were "small enough" to fit into backpacks.
Officially designated "synthetic comforters," the dolls ultimately were discontinued because troops feared the humiliation of being caught with them by the enemy, published reports maintain.
THERE'S NO BETTER DAY TO SEEK OUT YOUR SUGARY FIX FOR THE SLURPEE! Today, in honor of it's 84th birthday, the convenience chain 7-Eleven is giving out free Slurpees to celebrate.
According to the Boston Globe, a Southland Ice Company employee started selling bread, milk, and eggs on an ice dock in a suburb of Dallas, Texas, thus founding the idea of "convenience" shopping. And as they say the rest is...
Oh, the cat above? I have no idea if it's actually licking up a Slurpee, but he's called the "Rainbow Slurpee cat," which is good enough for me!
Also: let your capitalistic impulses make you feel sorry for 7-Eleven: last year on free Slurpee day the company sold 38% more than on a typical day. "“Free is magic,” Swarthmore psychology professor Barry Schwartz tells Time. “If you offer something for free, people will gladly spend money to get it.”
So line up without guilt! Heck, grab one for your cat!
IT'S GUIIDO CHRISTMAS IN HOBOKEN!
As Caroline and her kids are getting her sons' apartment ready for Christmas, are she sends the boys on a hunt for a feathered Christmas tree. Greg, Chris and Ablie's roommate and best friend, put on his best "guido voice" and starts making some phone calls.
Jacqueline, determined to fix things between Melissa and Teresa, plans to reunite the Giudice-Gorga families with a holiday cocktail party. Ashley tells her mom this isn't a good idea. Of course, Jacqueline knows that listening to Ashley about anything is a complete waste of time.
Melissa has "well-known" music production team Soul Diggaz over to the house to hear her sing. They tell her that she’ll be in the studio 15 hours a day, and Joe is not happy with that idea, so he instead says he'll build her a studio in their basement. Because God forbid he takes care of his own kids for once.
Kathy continues looking into buying a restaurant. She visits Albert, the current owner of the Brownstone, who gives them advice and advises them to hold off on throwing themselves into such a big project.
At the apartment in Hoboken, Lauren clashes with her brothers and Greg when she feels she’s being left out of their friendship. Nothing too interesting here, but watching them decorate a feather tree was a little odd.
Jacqueline visits the airtime-starved Kim G., who first tells her about her past illness, but then, of course, proceeds to trash talk Teresa. Jacqueline first politely asks the drama-hungry bag of skin to not talk about Teresa and what she heard about her financial woes, but when Kim keeps talking, Jacqueline starts telling her to “shut the f--- up." Over and over again. Nice! But, of course, Kim likes to prove to everyone that you’re never too old to act like you’re in middle school.
And now it’s time for the big party. Teresa, after spending a long day in court with her husband, arrives at Jacqueline’s in a floor-length fur coat. Joe Gorga makes a mildly inappropriate joke about how Melissa stays in shape after three kids, and Caroline, surprisingly, finds it funny. Everyone seems to be getting along, and maybe a little too much. Melissa says to never dare her husband to do anything, because he’ll do it, and of course, someone dares him to wear Jacqueline's clothes. He looked like a flying trapeze artist, but it was definitely a highlight of the episode. The Manzos and the Lauritas fall in love with the Gorgas, and Melissa and Joe are looking forward to getting to know them better, so they invite everyone (including the Giudices) over to their upcoming Christmas party. Sure, it sounds like a great idea, but the previews include Kim G. at the party, who's speaking in the tease. This will not be good.
Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.
FASHIONISTAS EVERYWHERE are thrilling at the news that the world will soon hear the pitter patter of tiny steps following trendsetter Posh Beckham.
Victoria and David happily delivered the news today of the birth of their fourth child but first daughter, named Harper Seven Beckham.
"I am so proud and excited to announce the birth of our daughter Harper Seven Beckham,'' the footballer declared on Facebook. "She weighed a healthy 7lbs 10oz and arrived at 7.55 this morning, here in LA. Victoria is doing really well and her brothers are delighted to have a baby sister xx."
The former Spice Girl, married to Beckham since 1999, received excited congratulations on Twitter from former band mates.
"Big kiss to @victoriabeckham,'' tweeted "Baby Spice" Emma Bunton. "Can't wait to meet your gorgeous little girl!"
"Yipeee another spice baby is born," tooted "Scary Spice" Melanie Brown, who also is expecting. "I wish it was me this AM cos I feel like I'm about to POP!"
Early in this pregnancy, Posh lamented publicly that she would likely never have a girl.The famous couple already are mum and dad to Brooklyn, 12, Romeo, 8, and Cruz, 6.
LET'S BE HONEST: IF ANY OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK had a good head on their shoulders, they would not be a "Real Housewife of New York."
When faced with trying times, these women solve their problems in more unconventional, train-wreck sort of ways. Like throwing a burlesque party in hopes of ridding yourself of looming bankruptcy.
Yes, Sonja, with her never ending financial woes, threw a burlesque party with the help of celebrity stylist Chris March. Only Jill, bless her heart and her new face, seems alarmed by Sonja’s actions. Really, though, if she wanted to make a ton of money, she could "write" a cookbook or something like Teresa Giudice.
Sonja and her friend Tina performed their “sexy” burlesque routine and it was nothing short of interesting -- and embarrassing -- for anyone who may know them personally, or even watch the show regularly. Luckily for everyone, the ladies were wearing pasties. God forbid they look silly up there!
Jill also visits her daughter Ally at college and the two have a meaningful conversation about whether or not vegetarians like her can eat nothing but chicken quesadilla. Apparently, she can!
Later, Ramona and Avery go out to lunch, and Avery calls out her mother for never paying any real attention to her. Ramona plays it off as if she’s not really always on the phone when she’s at lunch with her children or just ignoring them, but I guess she forgets that the cameras see everything.
Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: Countess LuAnn de Lesseps has released her second single. After what seemed like decades, the Countess finally flexes her vocal chords once more, and this time for a club banger titled “Chic, C’est La Vie”. The best part of the song has to be when LuAnn calls on her cast mates and Simon to bring their jewelry, their men, and their whatevers to what I can assume is the dance floor, although the Countess fails to mention the location. Thankfully, the song also came with a music video, packed with all the class money can buy (get it?).
The video was complete with Jill looking as if she was bribed to look that happy, and the whole thing actually looked like a “Tosh.0” parody of what LuAnn probably envisioned. In other words, it looks amazing.
Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.
IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE A MORE THOUGHTFUL AND CONSCIENTIOUS JUROR THAN THAT OF JENNIFER FORD, AKA "JUROR NO. 3" who served on the Casey Anthony murder trial.
Ford shares insights into the jury's reasoning, and reacts to public outrage over its "not guilty" verdict, in an in interview with ABC's Terry Moran. The full interview is transcribed below.
"Why is it my fault that they didn't prove its case?,'' Ford, a nursing student, said. "If you give me the evidence, I'm happy to you know return a verdict accordingly. But if it's just not there, I’m not going to speculate."
I'm not being dramatic when I say I sleep better knowing there are jurors like Ford and her compatriots who spared the notorious "tot mom" from a possible death sentence. Not because I think Casey Anthony is not guilty of murdering her toddler daughter Caylee -- I don't pretend to have a clue. But because in a judicial system in which prosecutors hold most of the cards, and in a nation where too many demagogue legislators and jurists are thoughtlessly reversing civil rights, it's a relief to know that a jury still can balance the disproportionate power of the police state.
The manipulative media, which begins with Nancy Grace and that includes Moran in his exclusive interview ('How are you going to sleep at night?' he asks Ford) are eager to feed the fire breathers who lust for blood or revenge despite the evidence. Let me assure you: I understand and appreciate vengeance. But I get the most satisfaction out of it when I know I've got the facts right. And the 12 jurors and five alternates sequestered for more than a month, and who know this case better than any member of the public, concur that the state didn't prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Casey killed her daughter.
The little girl's death is a horrific tragedy -- but so too would it be a travesty if prosecutors won simply because Casey Anthony is a liar.
If we can convict her of murder primarily for the unforgivable crime of being unlikeable, then we all suffer an injustice.
Here's the transcript:
ABC’s Terry Moran: Why?
Um, there wasn’t enough evidence.
Ford: I don’t think anyone in America could tell us exactly how she died. If you put even just the 12 jurors in the one room with a piece of paper to write down how Caylee died, nobody knows. We’d all be guessing. We have no idea.
Moran: So it’s cause of death that was a problem?
Ford: How can punish someone for something if you don’t know what they did?”
Moran: The prosecution wasn’t able to give you a solid enough picture of how Caylee died?
Ford: You see that picture? I have no idea. They didn’t even paint a picture for me to consider.
Moran: You think that this might have been an accident, that she might have drowned in the pool. You believed the defense on that?
Ford: I’m not saying that. I’m saying it’s a lot easier to get to that conclusion. I can walk from here to there and make it happen. But the chloroform? I’m all over the place. I have no idea. I’m in a maze. I know I don’t know where I’m at. I don’t know where the end is. I’m not even quite sure where I began with the chloroform. So I can’t get from beginning to end, A To B to see what even happened. I can’t make it work.
Moran: When you all went to deliberate this case, were you unanimous from the start?
Ford: No. Oh no.
Moran: Really?
Ford: …I mean, I don’t know, I don’t really want to speak for everyone else. But there were a lot of conflicting ideas. And some people where like, ‘You know, I feel like she did but there’s just not enough to substantiate it. Some people were just like, ‘Nope, she didn’t do it.’ Like they have nothing, they have nothing for me to even have any idea what happened. And, um, I did hear someone say you know we’re from Pinellas County, we don’t have that emotion. Whatever. That means we have no bias. We’re just looking at the facts, and the facts when you don’t have that emotional connection, they don’t prove anything. Like, I’m still confused. I have no idea what happened to that child.
Moran: There are people who said you only deliberated 10 or 11 hours and that shows you weren’t serious. That you didn’t look at the evidence. It’s a 31-day trial or whatever it was, a 33-day trial. They say you must not have looked at the evidence.
Ford: That’s speculation and you know what speculation is not fact. We had a lot of discussions. We started to look through stuff but none of it [answered] how did she die? If you’re going to charge someone with murder don’t you have to know how they killed someone or why they might have killed someone? Or have something -- where, when, why, how? Those are important questions that were not answered.
Moran: That gets to Casey. Thirty-days, 31 days that she does not report the death or disappearance of her daughter. And she parties. And people say that’s evidence that she is a killer.
Ford: It looks very bad. The behavior is very bad but bad behavior is not enough to prove a crime. It’s not.
Moran: What did it tell you about her?
Ford: Well, if you consider the whole family, they didn’t really live in reality. They wanted everything to be happy and everyone to be fine. Even she, in the jail video, she came up smiling. And she looked happy. She’s in jail. Do you think that’s how she really feels? I’m guessing not.
Moran: Did you believe the defense accusation that this was a family that had incest in it, that Casey had been molested by her father or brother?
Ford: I have nothing to substantiate that, so no, I mean --
Moran: That played no role in your deliberation.
Ford: No, if you don’t prove it, I’m not going to just…that’s not a factor.
Moran: What did you make of George Anthony’s testimony?
Ford: He did not, he did not help the state’s case.
Moran: Why?
Ford: Because he was clearly dishonest. And…
Moran: He was dishonest?
Ford: Yes.
Moran: How?
Ford: Well, he was evasive, number one. Um, his story seems to changed depending on like they said, initially he was on the defense’s side. So he would you know fight with Mr. Ashton, not give straight answers. But then he switched to the prosecution’s side and then, now he won’t give the defense straight answers. It’s all what do you mean? And, and, can you ask the question again? And you know like clearly you can follow a logical conversation and respond. Like he acted like he couldn’t understand what was going on. It was clear to me that he was just being difficult. He didn’t want to answer questions, and if it didn’t help the prosecution’s case, he was going to try and just [say], ‘I don’t recall.’
Moran: Do you believe George Anthony had something to do with what happened to Caylee?
Ford: I don’t know if he had something to do with it but I think he was there. Him and Casey have something and um… Like, the jail videos again, she, her mom has all the questions and George sits there and, you know, pats his wife back. And then he’s like, ‘Do you have anything else you want to tell me?’ He’s not like, ‘What’s going on?’ You know, he’s always like, ‘Step back. Hands are clean. Not too close.’
Moran: I want to get back to Casey because she’s been the focus of so much attention.
Ford: Right. It was her daughter so--
Moran: Casey lies.
Ford: Yes she does.
Moran: And lies again. And then she goes out and leads the high life while her daughter is dead. People say that is evidence that this person is capable of killing that child.
Ford: Even if that’s evidence that she is capable, it doesn’t show that she did do it. Do I think she’s completely innocent? I mean, I have no idea, I don’t have the evidence to say one way or other. I‘m not going to accuse her of killing. I have no idea. But we’ll just say some, something happened. At some point she probably needed medical care. Or at least there could be some attempt, some attempt to save the child’s life. That was never made. That bothered me.
Moran: If it was an accident in a pool or wherever, how did the child end up in a swamp months later rotting away?
Ford: You deny, you get rid of it. You don’t look at it. You don’t think about it. It doesn’t exist. It’s gone.
Moran: You cover up a murder. That’s what the prosecution said.
Ford: You’re covering up something. It’s not proof that it’s a murder. You’re covering up something. It’s either an accident or, I mean, nobody knows what it is.
Moran: I’m going to press you on this.
Ford: Go for it.
Moran: Duck tape on a baby in a bag rotting in the woods. Most people look at that, they put two and two together, they say that’s a murder.
Ford: Well, in our country, unfortunately we have to prove it. You can’t just be like, yeah that really looks bad. Smells bad, looks bad, I get that. It does. Smells bad, looks bad. I get that. But it’s someone else’s life and if I’m wrong and I kill someone else, I can’t live with that.
Moran: When you’re in court as a juror, you have certain responsibilities. You’re here now. Do you think Casey Anthony might have killed her daughter?
Ford: Again, it’s a possibility. I don’t know one way or another. Gut feeling, I think she had something to do with it. I don’t know what, and I don’t think it’s fair to speculate. That’s how I feel.
Moran: If you feel that she might have killed her daughter, a lot of people might say how are you going to sleep at night?
Ford: I’m going to sleep just fine. Because in this country that’s our constitution. I applied the law, I did the best I could. I tried to make it work. I was reaching. I was trying to, you know, like I said, …if no medical attention was given, then that’s culpable negligence. Failure to provide safety and medical care and things like that. I was trying to go for that. But there’s just not enough. It’s just stretching and reaching and there’s just not quite enough to get there.
Moran: How emotional was it to be a juror in this case?
Ford: I mean there were quite a few people who when we got back after the verdict was read were in tears.
Moran: Why were you crying after you handed down a not guilty verdict …
Ford: Not guilty doesn’t mean innocent.
Moran: How do you feel about that? That you may have let a woman who murdered her own daughter walk off that [charge?]
Ford: It doesn’t feel good. It was a horrible decision to have to make. But I had to do it based on the law.
Moran: One thing you hear among the people who followed this trial is they wanted justice for Caylee. Was there any justice for Caylee here?
Ford: It’s the way our system works. You can’t just, you can’t, I don’t, I don’t, if there was a way to give Caylee justice, if that’s what happened? You have to prove what happened and then I’ll give Caylee justice. I can’t just do it because. I can’t. It’s not how it works.
Moran: When you left the courthouse after your verdict and you found out the national -- international -- reaction. Anger, fury. People calling you names. What was your reaction?
Ford: My reaction is why be mad at me? The prosecution had to prove it. Why is it my fault that they didn’t prove its case? If you give me the evidence, I’m happy to you know return a verdict accordingly. But if it’s just not there, I’m not going to speculate. I’m not going to be emotional and just charge somebody. I can’t do that in good conscience.
Moran: How much did the fact that this was a death penalty case weigh on you in the course of the trial and in the deliberations.
Ford: Well it weighs heavily. It’s pretty, it’s the ultimate. It’s ultimate. It’s as big as you can get. It’s someone else’s life in your hands. So if they want to charge and they want me to take someone’s life, they have to prove it. They have to prove it. They have to prove it. Or else I'm a murderer too. And I’m not any better.
GAWKER.TV'S MATT CHERETTE IS LIKE A SHARK IN PERPETUAL SEARCH OF FEED.
Only in his case, the web is his boundless sea and his quarry is video. And you can count on him to often come up with something fresh and/or tasty.
Today's offering: a three-minute video boat ride along Chicago's waterfront by professional filmmaker Philip Bloom. The video isn't really revelatory of Chicago so much as it skims from thes top. But it's aptly laid with the "industrial rock" of Nine Inch Nails that makes you feel like you really are tripping.
You could find a lot worst ways to spend three minutes. Thanks for sharing, Matt!
Via Gawker.
THE WEEK FEELS LONG AND IT'S ONLY WEDNESDAY. LET'S RECAP THE WILD AND CRAZY SO FAR:
First, Casey Anthony, "tot mom" of murdered two-year-old Caylee Anthony, was found not guilty and Nancy Grace and all of Twitter and Facebook is burning hot with sheer rage. Here's why: Lie after lie found Casey more and more suspect, starting with the fucking whopper that a babysitter named Zenaida stole Caylee. Then photos surfaced of Casey whooping it up at nightclubs the week of her daughter’s disappearance, then four weeks later, her mother calls the police and reports that Casey’s trunk smells like a "dead body."
Since she’s been in jail for the length of three-year trial, it looks like Casey could be out as soon as Thursday.
Need a drink yet? Wait! There's more!
Comedy Central is planning to roast Charlie Sheen. Talk about shooting drunk fish in a giant, dumbass barrel. "I've been providing the kindling for a roast for a while," Sheen said in a statement. "It's time to light it up. It's going to be epic."
They should really try to roast someone with ACTUAL tiger blood and Adonis DNA, like Samuel L. Jackson. Now THAT I’d tune in to see.
Finally, is anyone else all like WTF over this tale about Prince Albert’s tried-to-runaway bride, Charlene Wittstock? The story goes a little something like this: Prince meets commoner, courts her, but fathers three illegitimate children; commoner tries to escape on two separate occasions and has her passport taken away; Prince and commoner wed in storybook fashion, complete with embroidered crying towel for commoner. Yikes. Sounds like the only happy endings going on are the ones between Prince Albert and his “other women.”
What say, gentle readers? Weigh in or contribute a tidbit in the comments.
Miz J has an attitude. Deal with it. Check out her NSFW comedy podcast, I SAID IT, on iTunes or follow her on Facebook or on Twitter @askmizj.br>
FINALLY, A WATCHABLE Jennifer Aniston movie. After years of seeing America's Sweetheart being typecast as the lovable romantic comedy leading lady, she's found a role that will give her the credit she's always deserved: playing the bad guy.
In Horrible Bosses, out July 8, she proves that CAN play just as hard as the boys. It’s also a damn funny movie.
Very few comedies have come out in the past decade that do not have rom-com undertones, so Horrible Bosses is a breath of fresh air. The movie revolves around three average Joes (Jason Bateman, SNL’s Jason Sudeikis, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia''s Charlie Day) driven to the edge by their bosses. One day the three conspire to off their tormentors one-by-one. Unfortunately, their well-meaning ways interfere. Bateman plays Nick Hendricks, who works for psychopath David Harken (a terrifying Kevin Spacey). Harken forces Hendricks to drink scotch in the early morning, calls him an alcoholic in front of the office, and then threatens him. The mind-mannered Hendricks is forced to sit back and take the hits as he fantasizes about throwing his boss out the window.
Sudeikis plays Kurt Buckman, working for cokehead Bobby Pellitt (an unrecognizable Colin Ferrell), who turns the office into his own person brothel when he inherits the business. Last but not least, Day plays Dale Arbus, a dental assistant working for Dr. Julia Harris (Aniston). Dale is happily engaged, but because he's a registered sex offender (it’s a long story), Harris's office is the only place that would hire him. That keeps him squarely under her thumb, and Dr. Harris constantly sexually harasses him, even while he's under anesthesia during a procedure his first week on the job.
Dale has an extremely hard time convincing Nick and Kurt that he’s aggrieved in his position, even after revealing that the dentist has threatened to fire him if he does not have sex with her. Nick and Kurt tell him that he’s got it easy, since she’s hot.
The story turns into joke what would be tantamount to torture in real life. But Aniston’s character so unbelievably foul that it's impossible to see her more than just a campy caricature of an out-of-control sex fiend. She successfully pulls it off because she is, in fact, just a character portrayed by America’s Sweetheart. The more she tries to seduce him, the more the audience cringes out of sheer discomfort.
The guys first conceive the idea of killing their bosses after a long night of drinking and commiserating about work environments. Although at first just a joke, Dale decides they need to take action after finding out his boss is blackmailing him. But their naivete quickly trips them up when they set about finding their hit men in the two worst possible ways: Craigslist, and then walking into an inner-city bar and asking the bartender if he knows anyone who kills people for money. After making several accidental racist comments to the bartender, you can’t help but feel sorry for them.
As the protagonists get themselves into deeper trouble, the funnier their misadventures get. While going from house to house in search of clues as to what they could use to kill their bosses, a misplaced stolen cell phone inadvertently causes one boss to kill another. Kurt’s DNA is found all over the crime scene because he had crudely wiped himself all over random items in the bathroom. And just as the sadsack workers face the evil Harken, Aniston's nymph dentist Julia calls Dale from her bathtub, demanding that he talk dirty to her. The scene's suspense erupts into laughter when Dale begins, screaming unspeakable things to her despite the three fearing for their lives.
Although it's hard to say who the real scene-stealer is, Aniston delivers in the memorable role as sex-crazed dentist. Sure, Spacey plays a man possible scarier than his character in Seven or The Usual Suspects, but Aniston is refreshing as the horrible boss you love to hate, or more believably, America's funniest sweetheart.
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Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.
THIS SHIT CAN'T COME SOON ENOUGH: A British Scientist is predicting aging will be cured through the use of "preventative geriatrics" such as gene and stem cell therapies.
"I'd say we have a 50/50 chance of bringing aging under what I'd call a decisive level of medical control within the next 25 years or so," de Grey, chief scientific officer of the California-based ISENS (Strategies for Engineered Negligible Senescence) Foundation, told Reuters in an interview. "And what I mean by decisive is the same sort of medical control that we have over most infectious diseases today."
By Grey's definition, aging is nothing but the "lifelong accumulation" of molecular and cellular damage. And his work "is about preventing people from getting sick as a result of old age. The particular therapies that we are working on will only deliver long life as a side effect of delivering better health."
Ultimately, he says, "the idea is to engage in what you might call preventative geriatrics, where you go in to periodically repair that molecular and cellular damage before it gets to the level of abundance that is pathogenic."
In his not-too-distant envisioned future, cardiovascular diseases will be banished because of medicine's ability to flush "molecular garbage," and individuals could live as long as 1,000 years.
There really shouldn't be any limit imposed by how long ago you were born,'' Grey says. "The whole point of maintenance is that it works indefinitely."
But here's my biggest question: when government and businesses are breaking bank to pay for healthcare, who will have the money to pay for it all?
Oh, and by the way, here's a trailer for a film that explores the very concept of How To Live Forever. Check it out.
And for those too young to even consider dying, here's Oasis's Live Forever. See you on the flip side, homeys.
PRINCE WILLIAM PRACTICES POISE UNDER PRESSURE as he (awkwardly?) engages a punk fan during a tour of the la Maison Dauphine youth shelter in Quebec Sunday.
Moments earlier, the green-and-blue tattooed man showed off his juggling skills to the Duke of Cambridge, who in turn shows off his invaluable gift to The Firm.
William and his new bride Kate are engaged in an 11-day tour of North America. Though largely welcomed with lavish praise, the Royals have also encountered protesters in Quebec.
AND THAT'S A WRAP.
Or more likely a beef sandwich. But it could have been a hot dog with all the fixins. Or corn cob on a stick. Or deepdish pizza. Whatever the woman above's eating, it was sure to be tasty.
THE CITY THAT WORKS WAS THE BACKDROP FOR THE 31st annual TASTE OF CHICAGO, touted as the "nation's premier outdoor food festival showcasing the diversity of Chicago's dining community."
Held in the lakefront's Grant Park, this year's 10-day festival is projected to have drawn fewer than 2009's crowd of 3.5 million, in part because of the city's decision to cut its spectacular fireworks display due to budget woes.
Couldn't be there? Then feast on the street scenes shot by photographer and attorney Nima Taradji, whose eyes are bigger than his stomach when it comes to shooting pictures. Taradji, 45, is also a founding member of Margin Gallery and The Chicago Photo Union, both cooperative art associations of Chicago's established and/or emerging artists.
"Although law is what I do professionally, I am a photographer at heart no matter what,'' he says. "Truth is,'' he confesses, "I have been spending more and more time shooting than anything else!''
How lucky for the world that he does. Taradji's street scenes are relentlessly revealing: Little seems hidden no matter how guarded the subject.
"I like to find the sense of disarray, lost in the crowd," Taradji writes in an email. "And oftentime I like to juxtapose the disconnect between a person and his or her environment....I like to capture the moment in time and explore all the going ons in that moment -- a moment that the camera sees but goes mostly unnoticed."
Below is a "taste" of Chicago as captured by Taradji. Happy snacking.
Hello, Mrs. Chips. Well, she could be a Ms. but the pun proved too tempting.
Beefy, it's what good for you.
Deep fried fun.
Time out.
br>
Lost in space. 
That's a mouthful.
Plaid, separation's insurance.
A boy's smile reveals an irrepressible joy.
A FRENCH NEWSPAPER IS REPORTING THAT THE NEW WIFE OF MONACO'S PRINCE ALBERT TRIED UNSUCCESSFULLY THREE TIMES TO DITCH THE WEDDING.
Charlene Wittstock, 33, went so far as to seek refuge in South Africa's embassy in Paris to escape exchanging vows with Albert, according to French & British news sources. She traveled to the city in May for her wedding dress fitting.
Wittstock, an Olympic swimmer, allegedly tried to flee two more times: during the Monaco Formula 1 Grand Prix, and then last week while enroute to the Nice airport by helicopter with a one-way ticket to South Africa. Police have confirmed that her passport has been confiscated, according to Le Figaro newspaper.
The couple married in a "glittering ceremony" in Monaco Sunday, amid reports that the Prince faces DNA testing for allegedly parenting a third illegitimate child. Albert, the son of American movie star Grace Kelly, has a six-year-old son with a former Togolese flight attendant and a 19-year-old daughter with an American real estate agent.
The couple have dated for five years.
THE ILLINOIS PRISON SYSTEM IS LITERALLY GETTING TOO BIG FOR ITS BRITCHES: the state's prisoners are being forced to wear dirty drawers because of budget woes.
A prison watchdog group reports that prisoners at the Taylorville Correctional Center are being forced to wear "threadbare" clothing that's only washed twice a week because money shortfalls are forcing the cutback on clothing purchases.
"The practice of administering used underwear that inmates must wear multiple days without washing raises serious hygiene concerns," reports the John Howard Association. " "DOC must find a way to provide sufficient clothing for inmates."
The association's director John Maki told The Pantagraph in Bloomington, Ill. that the thinks the the clothing shortages and dearth of washings are "system wide."
A state official tells the paper that "budget constraints prevent us from being able to do mass uniform replacement." The Taylorville prison is bursting at the seems --built to house 600, the space now holds more than 1,200 prisons.
KAATYYY PEERRRRYY!!!!"
That's some guy Alex calling to me during last weekend's CampusMovieFest in Hollywood.
I was there -- not posing as Katy -- but as a contestant in the fest's International Grand Finale for Deeper, Harder Love, a short film I wrote, codirected and starred in about the first porno to win an Oscar.
The fest’s first day was jam-packed with industry workshops and panels with industry types like director McG, Gabourey Sidibe, James van der Beek (from that Ke$ha video), and the folks from Funny or Die. And I caught sightings of Rob Corddry (Children’s Hospital, Hot Tub Time Machine, my dreams), Jack McBrayer (30 Rock), Max Minghella (The Social Network), David Arquette (I know, right) and tons of other people.
On the red carpet before the ceremony, this guy Sean I know announces “some guy from ‘SNL’ is here.” He whips out his camera and shows me a picture of Chris Parnell.
My heart stops. Anyone who knows me well knows that Parnsie is one of the most important people in my life. I whip out my phone and call my best friend Anette and as we talk, Parnell appears. I corner him like a maniac, demand a picture, and then ask him to say ‘hi’ to Anette. He takes the phone, chats her up, and I can hear her screaming on the other end. It’s a great aperitif to what follows.
To celebrate its 10th anniversary, CMF shows a 10-year-old commercial for iMovie starring Jeff Goldblum. Then Jeff Goldblum emerges on stage and everyone’s screaming like gays at a Lady Gaga concert. A guy named Dave leans over and asks me, “Wait, so what’s he been in?” People start yelling out, “I love Jurassic Park!” and “I love Armageddon!” and “I love Independence Day!.” It was a great film history lesson, but my heart’s racing for T.J. Miller, stand-up comic and co-star of Cloverfield, She’s Out of My League, and Yogi Bear: 3D, who’s presenting an award tonight.
Still I had no idea just how aroused I’d become locking eyes with the man whose most famous movie line is “Oh, my God! Look out!”
To offset the fact that I portray a porn star in my film, I came to the show looking classy and elegant. Now I’m a pale girl who stands out in a dark theater, and my low-cut dress is snapped to hide my cleavage.
Then Miller arrives. I keep my cool while staring at giant bowtie and wondering how many F-bombs he’ll drop. He greets the audience and scans the room left to right, right where I’m sitting. Our eyes lock -- and I gasp so hard that my dress pops open and BAM! -- suddenly I feel an uncomfortable breeze. I have just pulled a Janet Jackson.
Embarrassed, I re-snapped my dress and silently cursed BCBG for making snaps too weak to support my top shelf. Part of me, though, hopes that he see that I’m a huge fan who enjoyed him in Carpoolers. Sadly, I may never know.
But I did find out that I had my own fans: Guys kept telling them they recognized me from my movie, and from the movie’s Facebook page. I felt like a celebrity and briefly considered getting my own IMDB page.
Even better, about a dozen male participants kept saying things like, “You do comedy? We should totally work together!” and gave me their phone numbers. Out of seven female students in the festival, I was the only who had written a comedy. I felt like a unicorn in a forest full of centaurs. Or a zorse in a field full of regular horses or zebras. It was beautiful.
Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.
THIS WEEK ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK, the ladies show their love for each other and their vajajays by treating themselves to "vajazzling," the twat-bejeweling trend. Apparently it makes them feel pretty.
Ramona's getting ready for her own big day when she reflects on Sonja, who's been having a tough time with bankruptcy. Out of goodness of her own heart, she decides to let Sonja bring a whopping five friends to the party, and allows her have two of her own pictures in the party slideshow.
Cindy also decides to throw a bash. Not to be outclassed, her party also has a "vajazzle”theme. The cameras are there to capture her encouraging them all to try the jewels-on-your-vagina trend. Just as everyone’s starting to have fun, wet blanket Simon pulls Jill aside to confront her about her claims that he was cyber-bullying her. He doesn’t mention what she claims he said, but he suggests they work it out over lunch. Jill and the ladies think this is creepy.
Sonja, now forced to do her own housework a few days a week (she can only afford for the maid to come the other few days), discovers her toilet is clogged. When the plumber comes, he finds the culprit: a Blackberry. It’s amazing how, in her "situation,” Sonja's amused to find an expensive phone in her toilet. Not pulling off the "I'm poor now," her feng shui expert wanders around the house, burns a hole in her wallet and tells her to move some furniture around. And she wonders why she’s bankrupt.
Kelly and LuAnn visit a shaken Jill at her apartment to discuss the cyberbullying thing with Simon. They call him dangerous, and she says that he’s got “gang of people” cyberbullying her.
It’s time for Ramona’s party, and she can’t wait to see the look on Sonja’s face when she finds out "it's her party too”. Sonja says she’s going to pee her pants, which we think means she's happy with delight. Ramona tells her that instead of gifts, everyone is donating money to her favorite charity, the ASPCA. Sonja is moved to tears, although secretly she probably wanted a real gift, like her maid being able to clean her house more than three times a week.
Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.
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