Meanwhile Ramona's crying to Sonja about the argument. When the countess comes bustling in, Ramona asks for a moment. But the Countess can't give her that and charges right in with "why are you causing problems?" They ask her for Pinot and as she's opening the bottle, both Sonja and Alex try to coax her out of the room. But she continues to berate Ramona. Alex tells us that last year it was Jill and Bethenny and now it's Jill and Ramona. She says that LuAnn seems to enjoy her ringside seat to the Christians versus the Lions. You betcha.

Ramona says she felt that Jill was -- here's that word again -- "aggressive." Ay, if it's not one calling the other aggressive it's... one calling the other aggressive? Never mind. Ramona's impressed when Kelly comes in and says she doesn't play sides and that the women should agree to disagree. Another flash of voice of reason. Ramona tells her she felt attacked by LuAnn. Attacking, aggressive, such strong words for socialites.

But let's forget about all that and go out for dinner and belly dancing! I'm in Marrakesh and life is short. Although I would have thought Ramona and Jill would each just want to go to bed after such a blow out, dramatic acti.... uh, scene, they both join the group. The restaurant is dark and candle lit. Sonja flirts with an entire table of men, then the belly dancers begin performing. They're all right, but the real bad ass chicks are walking and semi-dancing around with trays full of big, fat, LIT candles balancing on their heads. Wow, that's fantastic. Ramona tries to stick money in one of the belly dancers costumes but they're wiggling too fast and she keeps missing. Sonja tells us she doesn't know if that is correct, but that’s Ramona. It must be all right since there was already money in there. And any performer appreciates a tip, don't they. Well, we have to remember that Sonja is frugal.

Yaaaaay, cloaked in a white hooded robe and his signature sunglasses, it's Mustapha! It’s the next morning and Jill, Kelly, LuAnn and Alex go with him to visit a palace. Oh, and Cindy, almost forgot she was here. As Jill asks question after question after question, Sonja tells us she’s the Barbara Walters of the group. She's like, grilling my man Mustapha and I'm annoyed from thousands of miles away. Later, we see Ramona lounging outside, being sad, thinking her 20-year relationship with Jill may have been a sham. She feels the situation won’t be resolved for a while and she's sick over it. She's also really pissed at LuAnn for asking her what she did to Jill. Alex joins her and as they discuss LuAnn she tells Ramona that LuAnn can be very charming but then viciously attack you. They hug, sisters in feelings.

“

Sonja says her best part was Mustapha. YeaH, tell it, sister. She says what I pretty much knew. That he was even finer than I thought under those cool, white robes of his...

”

LuAnn treats all the ladies to a henna party so they can inflict more of the native population with their bad behavior. But right now the only guests are Cindy and Kelly. Kelly seems to be LuAnn's shadow lately, taking her back in every situation. Sorta like LuAnn was to Jill last season. Suddenly they hear heels clomping down the stairs and LuAnn wonders aloud if it's a buffalo. That was funny. Nah, it’s only Alex and her big shoes. She asks to speak privately with LuAnn. Immediately LuAnn gets her back up and asks her to come out with whatever now. Then she and Kelly begin to bully her. Fucking "no sides" Kelly tells her she's acting now and not being real. Kelly tells us dramatically and quite funnily that Alex tends to be Alexis (Carrington?). Intimating to us that Alex is chewing scenery, Kelly dramatically tosses her head to the left and right, saying a word with each toss, "I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU NOW."

LuAnn pretty much tells Alex, just speak bitch. With all eyes on her, Alex starts and stops, trying to tell LuAnn about Ramona's frustrations. LuAnn tells her to stay out of her business. Kelly keeps piping up, calling Alex inauthentic, while Alex continues to try to speak, but as usual in these situations, she can't seem to get out what she really wants to say. She finally charges LuAnn with taking sides and constantly reprimanding Ramona. LuAnn doesn’t like this behavior one bit and dismisses her, saying she has been nothing but nice to everyone. She then tells Alex to go back in the cabinet she came out of, calls her a witch, and stalks out of the room, her henna now spoiled. Cindy remains mute, thinking, I’m sure, these women take the cake.

The henna women watch these antics in mute displeasure. After LuAnn leaves, Kelly lays into Alex, telling her that she's being weird and that Ramona can fight her own battles. That they're on a trip of a lifetime and that Alex should create the calm. She shushes Alex, calls her stupid, an idiot and says that she's messed up her henna. Cindy, with one of the about three lines she has in this episode, finally tells us she feels bad for Alex. That she was steamrolled and it was a disaster, pronouncing disaster more like a Long Islander than Manhattanite.

Meanwhile, Kelly is yelling at Alex that she's weird, weird, weird and walks away. Alex runs after her, crying that she feels bad because of all this, that she was just trying to be a peacemaker. Kelly turns around and starts that fucking shusshing again and, well, I’ve never been in a physical fight with another woman but I wouldn’t have blamed girlfriend for slugging Kelly’s big, wide mouth right then. But Alex has an education and is clearly a better woman than I. To calm her, Kelly tells her to close her eyes and she fucking does it. Kelly then starts her psychobabble again, telling Alex she's not angry she’s actually sad and trying to create calm. That sometimes it’s better to just observe than participate. Well, that was OK but she’s being so fucking smug. Oh, arrrughhghhf!

Kelly does this annoying rapid fire back and forth thing when she’s displeased with a situation, and it is truly maddening. She claims she's "creating calm" when it is clearly the bullying behavior she so abhors. In this situation, since she's the left rib of the hostess she knows she’s on the side of the big dogs now. Especially with Bethenny gone. She’s passive aggressive but I do understand about wanting only peace and pleasure on a freaking vacation of a lifetime.

After sneaking past the brouhaha, Sonja and Ramona try on the gowns, hoping to pick the best ones for themselves before the other ladies get a gander. Ramona tries one on and begins jumping up and down and flapping its long flowing sleeves. The poor designer guy again tries to remain calm and upbeat in the presence of these spoiled witches.

Jill's just had a bad hair appointment and wants to vent. She runs into Alex and Kelly but doesn’t immediately notice the tension between the two. Alex tells Jill she was angry and upset and trying to fix things between LuAnn and Ramona, but Kelly interjects and insists, once again, that Alex was really sad and didn’t know what to do. Bitch, STFU, please. Alex runs to Sonja and Ramona to tell them what happened. She lets them know she told the Countess she didn’t appreciate her digs at Ramona. Sonja questions the wisdom of saying anything she wanted to tell LuAnn in front the entire group. And Ramona tells us that the red hives on Alex’s chest says everything.

At dinner later, LuAnn tells Cindy, Kelly and Jill that the others were told dinner would be at 8 but that they requested dinner in their rooms. That sets off a big hubbub as they talk over each other complaining about the other women. LuAnn calling Alex Dracula, saying her behavior’s appalling and letting us know that the Countess is just not into petty.


When Alex, calmly, comes in for dinner, everyone shuts up in that way where you know they were talking about you. Alex tells us she wasn’t told what time dinner would be but she tells them she’s sorry she’s late anyway. LuAnn haughtily reprimands her for not letting her know she would not be there for dinner. LuAnn glosses over Alex’s apology for not knowing the time but accepts it as apologizing for not telling her she wouldn’t be there. After all, LuAnn says, Alex has an education. Whaaa? And the others don’t? As Alex feels the tension builing she decides to take her leave. But not before LuAnn gets all gangster and tells Alex that if she wants to start with her she has to finish. Now who’s bringing the negative? Isn’t it bad manners not to just let someone go instead of goading them on their way out the door? They begin to politely, in soft, moderated voices, dig at each other and Kelly stands up to usher Alex out. Alex tells us Kelly’s annoying habit of shutting down any uncomfortable conversation, even one she’s not in, is very frustrating. Oh, Alex.

Cindy is all, is this reality? No, Cindy, it’s reality TV. After Alex leaves, Sonja and Ramona breeze in asking, “What’s for dinner.” Ha. LuAnn says dinner is over, the kitchen is shut down and that this is not the Plaza. They explain they were not told the dinner time and that they had just ordered snacks, not dinner, in their rooms. LuAnn leaves the room in a huff. Ramona brings down the snacks to show them it wasn’t dinner they had eaten. This dinner/no dinner argument is going nowhere. LuAnn continues to insist everyone knew the dinner time. Kelly wants Ramona to apologize to LuAnn. Amazingly, Ramona agrees but says that if LuAnn starts screaming at her she’s not taking it.

Ramona goes to say she’s sorry, telling LuAnn that it was just a misunderstanding. She tells us LuAnn is acting like the R.A. of the riad. LuAnn calls bullshit on everyone not knowing the dinner time. Then Ramona tries to make peace by saying that maybe she forgot. That seems to finally soften LuAnn, who then claims Ramona’s been running away from her. She then brings up the fortune teller’s remarks about another woman thinking about Mario. She tells Ramona she just wants her to know that she cares for her and is there for her. Ramona wants to shut that down quickly and tells her that she’ll be fine, LuAnn should not worry. Then she tells us that she knows LuAnn would not ever be there for her, and that she thinks LuAnn really wants the fortune teller’s information to be true. You know LuAnn does. She still bears the sting of her husband carrying on with another woman then divorcing her for said woman. Nothing would satisfy her more than it happening to another one of the Housewives. And if it were to happen to Ramona, who now seems to be her arch-enemy, it would be the cherry on top.

Packing day! I’m exhausted. This freaking stupid trip if finally over. All the ladies give back clothes that they’ve borrowed from each other. Jill has a bathing suit of Ramona’s and Cindy sees that as an opening for them to make up. Jill goes to return it, chatting up Sonja and Alex while Ramona hangs back. After Sonja and Alex leave give them privacy, they tell each other how much they care for each other. Jill says they’re too hard on each other and that she really wants them to get to a good place, they’ve been friends for so long. Ramona tells her how sick she was over it. She tells us that she was really happy Jill came to speak with her. One thing I think they should agree to is to never bring up past indiscretions on a fabulous vacation, ever again. More hugs, and Ramona says that went well.

Now we’re back in New York, shooting pool with Mario and Simon. And some dark-haired young hottie. Hmmmm, what a set up. Anyway, at one point Mario poses at the end of the table with young hottie and Simon snaps a photo, which is going to be emailed to Dubai. Oh no, that’s where Mario thinks they are. Simon tells him they’re actually in Morocco. Ya know, this is just too, too obvious. Said photo will probably land on LuAnn’s phone some way instead of Ramona’s.

After that setu..., scene, we’re back in Morrocco at dinner with the gurls. Everyone has on their beautiful, custom made caftans. Sonja tells us you have to be in the in-crowd to get into the restaurant she booked. Please Sonja, if I have enough green I’ll get in. LuAnn asks everyone their favorite Moroccan experience. Alex goes on and on about her past visit and compares it to the new. They pretty much groan and say, no, like the palace, shopping? Ha. They reminisce about the camel ride to the tent and their other adventures. Sonja says her best part was Mustapha. YeaH, tell it, sister. She says what I pretty much knew. That he was even finer than I thought under those cool, white robes of his. I knew it!

I thought the end of this trip would be the end of the season but I was mistaken. Next week we learn of Sonja’s bankruptcy and witness the fallout of this so-called trip of a lifetime.

Trisha B. is a regular contributor at Crabby Golightly.