His press is always unfailingly negative and it seems he just can't escape his deadbeat dad label, no matter how hard he tries. When even your own mother doesn't think you have a job, no matter how many times you tell her about your "consulting contracts," you, sir, have a problem. Slade, stay in the house, man. And wake up, Gretchen gurl.

Contrast his life with that of Bethanny Frankel, a real Housewife. Girlfriend recently sold her Skinnygirl company to Fortune Brands’ Beam Global for a rumored $120 million. That’s in addition to her book sales and television show. She’s doing so well she's now sue worthy. So well that though former cast mate, Ramona Singer, called her out on it the New York freaking Post, claiming she's probably made only $30 million at the most. Oh well, pardon me, but even that ain't peanuts. But, since Ramona just came out with her own brand of Pinot Grigio, maybe ol' girl knows whereof she speaks. Just saying.

Oh, and someone needs to tell Simon Van Kempen that he is not a Housewife either. I woke up in the middle of the night Thursday and thought my cat was warbling. But it was Simon on Andy Cohen’s Watch What Happens Live. Singing his heart out, reading the lyrics, hands shaking and wearing bright blue shiny pants. Dude, only bonafide Housewives get to wear shiny clothes, quit their jobs (if they had one) and try to sing. He was just as good as the Countess, know what I’m saying. If you haven’t experienced it yet here it is from Tvgasm. I enjoyed the dental ad that comes before it more than the performance.

Since both Simon and Alex seem to have abandoned their real 9-to-5's for the celebrity life they’re both now scrambling desperately for cash and have lost all shame. If they ever had any.