She thinks 'cause he's photographed Lady Gaga that he can make her look good I guess. Her assistant, Melissa, prolongs her employment by saying Ramona looks like a young Pamela Anderson. Haaaaaaaaaaa, almost as funny as when Ramona said people compared her to Cameron Diaz. Hear that Alex? Your girlfriend looks like Ramona Singer.

Jill visits Cindy and her crew of 25 people to take care of two babies. Jill goes on again about wanting more babies but really wants to get to the gossip. Cindy tells her that Ramona was so rude to her at their lunch and she can’t figure out why. Jill’s all cheerleader about someone else regretting their friendship with Ramona. She encourages Cindy to just drop her, end it. Because that worked out so well for her and Bethenny.

OMG, it's Chris March, from Project Runway, one of my faves. The rotund designer is hired to bedazzle Sonja's Venetian outfit and mask for the Masquerade Ball she’s hosting. She brings out a big ol' ratty white-haired wig, which scares Chris. She says a boyfriend gave it to her years ago. Now I've heard of guys buying their women maybe a blond wig to spice things up a bit. But who gives someone a big white curly, Marie Antoinette-after-a-bender, wig like that? Rich guys? Jamaicans? Chris assures her he’ll fix it up and sexily bedazzle up her dress. When Chris tells Sonja whatever he wants to do she can afford it, she tells him how frugal she is. After all, it's last years costume and she cooks meals for kings in toaster ovens. I swear, if she puts out a toaster oven cookbook I’m buying it.

“

She walks around saying how much into herself she is and I just love her. I think she even says 'Shazam!

”

Jill and the Countess shop for costumes together. Jill smugly tells the clerk that she’ll be able to fit into the outfits better since she’s had breast reduction surgery. Then she still has problems stuffing those boobies in. Did no one have breasts in the 18th century? Trying on costumes and accents, both say they’ve never been to a masquerade ball.

We meet Cindy's baby daddy! Her brother Howie is already at the apartment and we can feel through the screen that things get weird when Kevin arrives. Cindy tells us that Howie and Kevin used to be friends but then, well, she doesn’t know what happened. We see Howie slowly sidle out the door. She says that happens every time.

Evidently Kevin comes to see the kids whenever he feels like it, which seems only about once or twice a week. They were together when she gave birth and broke up couple of months after the babies were born. Hmmmm, maybe he’s just one of those effete New Yorkers or an artist or something but he seems too soft for Cindy. He probably left because she's so neurotic. She constantly corrects him on his handling of the babies. A little roughhousing never hurt. Babies do kinda like to be playfully tossed around every now and then. That’s what dads do. She treats these kids like they're eggs, constantly saying there’s no guidebook and it’s annoying. Maybe because she has so many staff she’s not giving herself time to get to know them. I guess she works a lot but we see her not working a lot as well. Why so much staff? Because she can afford it?

Sonja's staff now consists of friends’ children who want to spend some time in New York. They do errands, bring tea and stuff like that. Damn, she’s frugal. And since she doesn’t have a man right now, any man will do for the heavy lifting. As her niece and a stylist arrive, she's looking for ruffled panties to wear with her outfit. Then Chris returns, in what seems like seconds, with her blinged out Venetian outfit. He's done miracles with the ratty wig, so much so that Sonja says she wants to wear it to lunch tomorrow. She walks around saying how much into herself she is and I just love her. I think she even says, "Shazam!"

The champagne is flowing in the limo as Sonja and her entourage make they way to the party which is being held at Cipriani. LuAnn calls with regrets, she’s ill, and Sonja's cool with that. She tells her she'll miss LuAnn’s long legs, she tells us that LuAnn would have probably come as someone fabulous like Josephine Baker. Record scratch, wha? She goes on and on about how many people she’s thrown parties for 2,000 here, 3,000 there, but tonight is planned as an intimate affair. But costume balls aren’t intimate affairs.

Alex looks great as Cleopatra, with her gold fringe mask, and almost unrecognizable in a black wig. Jill gets negative on the party immediately. She says this isn't a masquerade ball, it’s a cocktail party with people in costumes, then bad mouths the food. Which is kinda sparse. Kelly calls it a costume party in a bar. We see Sonja and Cindy air kissing as Sonja tells us that they said what they had to say to each other at lunch, and that she's looking forward to seeing her. While most of the women are in costume, the men sport suits or black tie with masks. Except Simon, who’s a freaking 7-foot-tall Marc Anthony, headdress and all. He will not be ignored.

Jill says Sonja shouldn't be throwing non-important parties, doing it half-assed like this. She’s intimating to us that if she doesn’t have the money to do it all out she should just stay home and play with her ratty white wig. Then Sonja stands up, turns around, bends over... and we see her entire ass. Guess she never got her ruffled panties. Totally unashamed, she drunkenly claims to have left half her costume home, “Damn, I left half my costume home!” she cries. There was a petticoat that woulda, shoulda covered her ass and the big bruise she got falling off that horse a few episodes ago. Kelly deadpans that it’s time to cover that ass, Sonja’s 40 something. Jill says she doesn’t want people to laugh at Sonja. Like she is over her half-assed party.

There's a vignette with Kelly buying Manolo Blaniks. Yeah, you can afford skyscraper high expensive shoes. Boring. And then there’s a scene with Jill going with Cindy to a dentist appointment. Jill proceeds to stand on the doctor’s shoulder, giving advice and annoying the doctor until he just says that she’s wrong. Who goes into the actual examination room when accompanying someone to a doctor’s appointment? Why isn’t she in the waiting room reading an old People mag?

Ramona's having another wine tasting. I think I’ll have some wine myself, it should get me through the rest of this.

Up pops Jennifer, the bride from the Hamptons. Remember? Ramona stuck her finger in her cake. She tells Ramona that Jill called her aside on her wedding day and grilled her about Alex and Simon being there. Jill told her that Jen and Ramona were friends because of Jill and she wanted to know how close they were. And Jill says she’s changed. Ha. Well, that got Ramona to the other side of angry. Who says that kinda stuff, she rails. It’s rude and it’s undermining her relationship with Jen. Poor Jen, not even a housewife and caught in the middle of all this drama and all she wanted was to get married in the Hamptons.

Alex tells us that Ramona is to Pinot Grigio what salt is to the ocean. I guess that means she’s just constantly filled with it? You can see Ramona seething that Jill was talking about her behind her back. She can barely hold it in. Those eyes get all wide and goggly. Then the Countess starts grilling her again on the origin of her wine. Ramona shuts that down by telling her they’re at a party and she doesn’t want to get into technicalities. Ramona tells us that when LuAnn was with the Count that she was all about manners and that now that she’s with Jacques she's all-knowing about wines. She's absolutely right and it is tiresome I do agree. But LuAnn sees the goggly in Ramona’s eyes and that tells her that she's about to go off. When LuAnn sees Ramona pull Jill aside, she tells us she smells danger.

Ramona asks Jill about her talk with Jen. She can’t believe she grilled her on her wedding day, and then asked her why she was friends with Ramona. And why Alex and Simon were there. Jill says get Jen over here so she can say that to her face. Jill's on the defensive, eyes darting back and forth, sometimes looking straight into the camera, knowing she's been called out. Then a waiter interrupts to ask if they want pizza. Ha. Jill politely says not now. Then gets back in Ramona’s face, telling her the story is not true and that it’s, as usual, the wrong time for this. She says Ramona has no class and invited her there to ambush her. She says that Ramona’s attacking her and walks away in a huff. Ramona is shaking, eyes about to pop out of her head, and I think it’s Alex that asks if she needs a defibrillator.

Jill sees Jen outside and claims Ramona just mauled her over what Jen told her. She tells Jen it wasn’t true but Jen sticks to her story until Jill tells her that, well, if you have a problem with me please come to me. Jen agrees, they hug and that’s that. Then Jill goes back in and tries to apologize to Ramona and asks her to lunch. Ramona’s all stiff and flailing and, OMG, Jill says something about it being over and walks away muttering. Ramona runs into poor Jen, tells her what a bitch she thinks Jill’s been, badmouthing her for years and Ramona never said anything, but those days are over. She calls Jill wrong, evil, toxic and says she’s not going to be her friend anymore.

Outside in a limo Jill, who’s crying, says the same things about Ramona. We hear Bobby on speaker phone tell Jill that she’s done so much for Ramona. The Countess is also in the limo and tells Bobby that Jill didn’t do anything wrong, that Ramona was being mean. Jill hands LuAnn the little Koala bear she brought for Ramona and tells her to give it to her. LuAnn says that she should give it to her herself but Jill is too overcome and says no, that she and Ramona are done. Until they all go to Morocco.