Jill's in, it was on her bucket list. Sonja invites Ramona who immediately says no, hesitating because it's an undeveloped country and she thinks her liver might get stolen and she'd never drink Pinot again. Cindy and Alex are immediately in. Of course Kelly hesitates and says she will think about it. Ha, if at first you don't drive Kelly to the loony bin, try, try again.

LuAnn has lunch with Ramona because she’s scared she’ll screw up the entire trip with her evilness. She's bitchface from the gitgo, scolding Ramona and telling her that she has to be careful what she says to people. Ramona, permanent glass of Pinot in hand, says she just says what she thinks, feelings be damned. LuAnn huffily tosses her the little tiny (cheap) Koala thing you hang on your purse (what are they, 11?) that Jill brought back from Australia. I don't have no money but I would bring back something better than that. I just can’t get over it. So I googled them. And here they are, at $9.95 for 12! You have got to be kidding me. Anyway, Ramona’s surprised (I don’t know why) LuAnn’s taking Jill’s side because she maintains that Jill caused all the ruckus last week, not her. They go back and forth about feelings and hurts and LuAnn asks her how she sleeps at night. “Darling, darling, darling,” Ramona vamps, she says she knows she sometimes puts her foot in her mouth but she just cannot stand the Countess' haughtiness. She says tells her she’ll call Jill and hash things out before the trip.

Today is the photo shoot for Sonja’s toaster oven book. She's posing around her lovely house, looking gorgeous and sexy. Kelly’s been invited over to help and is then appalled, first because it's a shoot for a cookbook that doesn’t exist. And then, Sonja, posing on her dining room table with no undies on, flashes her. Kelly thinks she’s selling more sex than toaster ovens.

Cindy takes Jill, Kelly and LuAnn on a trip to Canyon Ranch. She didn't invite the other women because she doesn't like them. Simple as that. Kelly tells the girls about Sonja flashing her and Cindy’s all, please, telling us "it's just a vagina, Kelly, we all have one." Kelly says she’s only seen her own, while Jill, for no other reason than they must not be selling, plugs her shape-wear by slyly throwing in, "I'll send her some of my shape-wear.” I'm sure Sonja has loads of underwear, she just choose not to wear any. That Jill, doesn’t miss a beat. LuAnn is not surprised at Sonja’s oddball behavior and attributes it to her hanging out too much with Ramona. There’s that bitchface again, she just loathes Ramona and it grows episode by episode. It oozes from her pores.

Here's Kelly in the limo, and again we hear her “tough life as a single mum of two kids who lives in the Hamptons and works her ass off and gets invited to all the parties but she just can’t find a good man” moan. LuAnn tells her that she’ll find someone but agrees it’s hard to find someone of quality, by which she means a European. Like her boyfriend, Jacques. Then Kelly reveals she's been abused by men, having been slapped by one and gotten arrested with another, and how such bad luck hurts. LuAnn grabs her in a bear hug and tells us she feels Kelly’s pain. I’ve heard it all before. I feel nothing. When the ladies arrive at the Ranch, after six hours in the limo, everyone is sore and stiff. In addition to paying for the trip, Cindy has gift bags for them at reception. They ooohh and aahhh over thick, monogrammed terry robes, among other things. This so excites them that Jill puts her robe on right away, in the lobby. The countess is appalled, once again. “Really darling, she sniffs, “you never open a gift in a hotel lobby." Well, she’s right. Jill’s so Long Island as she waddles to her room in her robe.

Canyon Ranch is beautiful and we see the girls lounging and relaxing. They all go to an African drumming class. They seem to be holding up the class, rudely chattering on so loudly they don’t notice the instructor trying to begin the class. Who’s idea was this since none of them seem to be really into it. The instructor asks each person to say something about themselves no one else knows then they beat the drum , and the class kinda answers back with drum. I’m just tired of talking about it. It was boring.

While they’re busy drumming Ramona invites Sonja and Alex to visit her plastic surgeon. Oh gosh, with these women, if we’re not on a trip we’re in a doctors office. Ramona tells us Sonja and Alex could use a touch-up. Well! Alex tells us her new modeling career means she definitely has to maintain a beauty regimen on her face. She'll be all right, she’ll always have her Herman Munster bone structure. Sonja gets some kind of suction treatment on her stomach. She neglected to exercise after her tummy tuck, you know, to tighten things up. This is much, much easier.

At dinner at Canyon Ranch, the ladies thank Cindy for the trip, toasting her with apple juice in champagne glasses. There's a little menopause talk, then LuAnn shuts that down but not before Jill asks if the ladies have ever seen Menopause the Musical. Immediately Cindy, trying to prove herself just as worldly as the other women, asks if anyone has seen the “Vagina Monocles.” The others laugh and correct her. Thank God she looks embarrassed. She’s losing me, this girl.

Kelly again tells the group how fragile she was in St. Bart’s. Says that she can handle a party or event with Ramona, because there’s an easy out, but another trip outside the U.S with her- - NO. They use the “you she can’t let Ramona dictate your life” line, telling her she just has to come. We’ve all used that tactic many times, it always works. You have to prove nobody is the boss of you. And, since this is so not real life, and Kelly has told us herself that she makes AMAZING television.

Here's Alex, come to help Jill, who’s throwing an anti-bullying event and silent auction. Jill didn’t really want to invite Ramona but money for charity is money for charity. She doesn’t want to be petty but she’s surprised that Ramona just texted her and did not call to invite her to lunch to talk like she told LuAnn she would. Alex says this new Jill sounds just like the old Jill to her. Jill says Ramona shouldn’t bully her at an anti-bullying event.

Ramona arrives with her case of Pinot and immediately asks every server in sight to pour her a glass of it. Running into Jill, Ramona tells her she thinks they should discuss their differences later. But Jill tells us they have to get things straight before she gets on a plane with her. LuAnn complains about the amount of charity events she’s invited to, says that if they had to give blood instead of money she’d be drained by now. LuAnn tells the group that Ramona won’t let her wear Ramona’s designer. Ramona tells us that LuAnn’s designer has always been Ungaro and she doesn’t know why she has to get all up in her contacts. Countess Instigator tells Ramona that no one wanted to come on the trip because of her. Of course that upsets Ramona, who wags her finger in LuAnn’s face and tells her she’s trying to pick a fight. Alex tells LuAnn she’s being negative but LuAnn insists that she’s only telling Ramona what the girls said at the spa.

Then, then, Alex calls her a thug in a cocktail dress. Aha! I thought that line was going to go to Sonja. How wrong I was. Bravo, Bravo, you tricked me. Anyway, LuAnn continues scolding Ramona, while Ramona tells her to zip it. Ramona is insulted that she’s also telling her about an outing that she was not invited to, just shoving it in her face that she was specifically excluded. Doesn’t she remember that Ramona is the Queen Bee? LuAnn tells us she thinks Jill is afraid of Ramona and she can’t fathom why. Then there’s a skirmish when Jill sees Ramona is drinking her wine when she was supposed to bring it as an auction item. “She drank her own fucking wine,” Jill whines. LuAnn smells blood again and is getting hyped for drama when Kelly arrives with the good news that she’s going on the trip. LuAnn grabs her and squeals and they both jump up and down. Kelly tells us that she won’t let Ramona tell her what to do. I knew that would work. LuAnn says that when you have to bring your own Pinot to a party there’s a problem.

Ramona hugs Kelly and tells her things will be fine. She insists to Kelly that she did nothing to her on their last trip. Kelly disagrees and tries to get Ramona to say that she understands Kelly’s feelings. But by now Ramona’s already had two or more glasses of Pinot, so her eyes are just rolling around in her head.

After everyone is seated Ramona asks where the wine glasses are? You know, for the table. Jill’s stepdaughter tells the group about growing up with her large facial birthmark and how she lost friends because of it. It almost brings Jill to tears. I know Kelly thinks she can relate, thinking about her horrible curse of being pretty, single mum to two kids living in the Hamptons and not being able to find a European man because she won’t put out on the first date.

Then we’re treated to clips of the three week trip to Morocco that WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING. That’s what they put in big block letters. There’s lots of screaming, dancing and crying. For three weeks. We have been warned.