She tells us she’s finally getting a little breathing room from Jim and the kids. We also hear her concern that since she introduced Peggy to the rest of the gang their long-time friendship seems to be waning.

Vicki's threatening her staff with spankings before making a call to Tamra. In a small shaky voice Tamra tells her that Simon is in jail. For chucking a dog leash at Tamra. While she didn't want him to go to jail the cops said that because he threw it around the kids they had to take him in. Vicki commiserates, remembering all the trials and tribulations of her divorce from her first husband.

Gretchen is still in Texas. We find out that she’s combining business with pleasure by inviting the ladies to chill with her Lone Star style. She wants to have fun, so Vicki and Tamra have not been invited! We see her lounging in the back of a Hummer limo, off to the airport to pick up Fernanda, Peggy and Alexis. Everyone has their cowboy hats and diamonds on. Alexis tells the group that Jim approves of the company she’s keeping on the trip, she can only be around good girls. Peggy thinks Alexis’ choice of a traditional marriage was maybe more than she bargained for.

Walking around San Antonio sightseeing, eating and shopping, the three of them look like triplets with their thin bodies and long legs, long blond hair, short dresses and sunglasses. Except Fernanda, who’s different in more ways than being the only brunette. Lunch talk turns to man talk as Gretchen asks the girls, "How do you know he’s the one?" Peggy says she has a list and Alexis immediately pipes up to say she has 150 things on her list, honey. That annoys Peggy. "It’s not a competition," she tell us. Oh, but it is. Especially as it seems both Peggy and Alexis are trying hard to hold onto their fabulous mansions. Which one will lose? Who will join Lynn in homelessness?

Peggy also throws out that he is 14 years older than Alexis. And then Alexis tells the group that Jim married her because she wasn’t the girl who had to tinkle every five minutes. Yes, she said that. That Jim, he’s particular. Gretchen says their lists are more about the finances than character and then tells us that the lists seem really shallow to her.

Tamra’s at Eddie’s house, examining the dog leash of death. She filed a temporary restraining order against Simon and she and Eddie are on their way to the courthouse, maybe for his arraignment? I don’t think she was really hurt but she’s still mad as hell at him. She says that after Eddie, the trip to Spain, the new house and all, her newfound independence was wearing on Simon until "he broke," as she says. Then she gets a text from Jeanna asking her to fix the Simon situation. "What the hell," she says. Oh no, that was me. What is Jeanna doing all up in her bidness, she wonders, as do I. At the courthouse the DA decides not to press charges. Tamra’s happy it’s over and just wants Simon to realize he wanted the divorce and now he has to deal with it. I know that Simon, as hot to trot as Tamra always seemed, didn’t think she was going to be sitting around crying in her new smaller house. If he did he’s more of a fool than he looked last year.

We're back in San Antonio in the Hummer limo on the way to some neon-lighted barbecue joint. Alexis is getting really drunk. I think they’re serving drinks in 16 ounce glasses, who wouldn’t get blasted? And Alexis starts eating like nobody’s business. She threatens to pour ketchup over the desserts so she can stop eating them. Peggy and I are both incredulous at the amount of food girlfriend is downing. Especially since she’s always seemed so picky. She’s making happy noises and rocking back and forth like Stevie Wonder. Then she tells us she once had an eating disorder. I thought so, that ketchup thing is a sure sign.

Alexis comments on how great it is to be on a drama-free trip. Gretchen asks how come Jim is giving her so much freedom and she says he’s decided to let her out of the box. They both realized that they can do other things, that it’s not a sin to be without thou husband or thy wife once in awhile. We also find out Jim is 14 years older than her. Damn. In her deep, husky Brazilian accented voice Fernanda says "no husband around is good for Alexis."

Vicki and Don double dinner with Tamra and Eddie. Vicki talks business and she and Don debate the correct name for a Zamboni. Don calls her anal and she gets all bent outta shape. Can the man say anything without her looking at him like Scooby Doo? I mean, really, everything he says takes her aback and incites the stare of death. Then Tamra starts to tell Don the Simon story and Eddie excuses himself cause he’s heard it one time too many. Vicki says it’s not going to be easy on Eddie and remembers how hard it was for Don when she was getting divorced. Don seems upset when he finds out Simon actually went to jail. All he can do is look at Tamra and say "duuuude." Tamra’s worried that all this divorce hubbub might drive Eddie away, but, then maybe that would mean he’s not the right guy for her after all. Tamra tells them about Jeanna contacting her and telling her that she should say she made a mistake, anything to make things better for Simon. Vicki tell us that Jeanna is still defending emotionally immature men and that Tamra never butted into her relationship with Matt so she should just butt out, Buttinsky. Amen, Vicki.

Now the girls are at a honky tonk with Alexis and Fernanda boot-scooting around the dance floor. Alexis tells us once again that whatever Fernanda does is between her and God. And what’s an innocent boot scoot between two girls? Gretchen spots a bull ring with actual bulls at the rear of the bar. She asks the man in charge is one is named Tamra or Vicki. Hee. Because of her recent boob job Peggy declines the mechanical bull but all the other ladies give it a try. The crowd is cheering but the bull is going so slow that none of them get thrown off violently. What’s the fun in that? Gretchen says she likes this drinking, dancing, tata shaking Alexis. She says Alexis was almost naked wasted but not quite. Hahahahahahaha. She will never forget that phrase. Then Alexis and Peggy get into a "who has the bigger lips" competition. Peggy feels jabbed by a close friend, I say what the hell -- your both have thin lips, for real, for real.
Jeanna’s been talking shit about Tamra to the press, telling them that Tamra’s acting out because she had an encounter with Simon’s girlfriend. Telling us she’s a bitch, Tamra arranges for them to meet in a park. Jeanna sounds like his mother when telling Tamra that she's ruining Simon’s life. Tamra wonders why she cares and says she’s not going to be treated like a doormat, like Matt treated Jeanna. Tamra’s not living her life like that. Jeanna asks why she called the police and Tamra tells her that this was not the first time Simon made a scene in front of the kids. They argue back and forth with Jeanna eventually telling us she doesn’t think Simon is a threat and that Tamra’s just looking for attention. "Did you ever throw something," she asks us, "and it missed?"

What the fuck, Jeanna? Now I’m pissed. I think Matt threw something very hard at her head and it didn’t miss. Tamra starts crying that it’s not about Jeanna and that it really hurts her to see Simon spirally downward like he is. Jeanna tells us that she doesn’t think Simon was abusive and she’s been around them a lot. I can’t believe she never saw how controlling he was. Vicki sure did. Tamra ends it by telling Jeanna to stop talking to the press and especially to stop telling them that she’s jealous of Simon’s girlfriend. Jeanna laughs and walks off. What. A. Bitch. Seriously.

Horse riding at sunset in San Antonio. Enough said.

Eddie and Tamra make stuffed salmon while he comforts her about the situation. Baby, baby, baby, it’s ok. Tamra just doesn’t want to fight with Simon anymore. She thinks maybe there’s something wrong with her. Eddie, good new boyfriend that he is, says there's something wrong with Simon and that’s why she had to divorce him. But she still feels bad that’s he’s taking the divorce so hard. And she shows him that Jeanna is still dishing the dirt -- on Facebook.