Shangela confronts Manila about her caustic remarks on the main stage, and Manila retorts, "I don't want you to think I’m attacking you--" and Shangela does that typical girl thing where she interjects with a series of soothing "Nononononos." But Manila continues, "but I am attacking you, because this is a competition and I want to beat you." Shang throws some side eye and tells us that "Manila has more faces than my feet have blisters after a show."

But before anyone can bear their meticulously manicured claws, Ru interrupts with a SHE MAIL: "Drag is a serious business. But sometimes a queen can take herself too seriously -- " the camera zeroes in on Raja. I can't imagine why. "Remember, laugh and the world laughs with you. Bomb, and the joke's on you, honey."

In walks Ru in an oh-so-appropriate black leather jacket and matching beret to announce the mini challenge: reading each other…or just throwing shade. Either way, it all entertains Ru.

Naturally, all the girls are very good at throwing shade. And most of them throw it in the direction of Delta's weight, which, we both agree, is TOTALLY OBVIOUS. I mean, you bitches spend every waking minute together, plotting against each other, forming and reforming secret alliances, revealing deep secrets and opening a new emotional vein in front of your lighted mirrors. You should have much better shit to work from than that.
As someone who dabbles in the stand-up lifestyle, I've experienced the horrifying feeling of flubbing a joke. I am TERRIFIED for some of these girls (*cough* CARMEN *cough*). But of course, not for Shangela. She's done this sort of thing before.

So she KILLS IT. And the big competition is to create a stand-up set with the coaching of comedy motherfucking LEGEND Rita Rudner!

As the winner of the mini-challenge, Shang gets to choose the lineup, which can have fatal results for what she dubs "team looks" : Raja, Delta, Manila and Carmen. Essentially, the Heathershop Quartet based each of their personas on looks and fashion -- they can't perform. So Shangela's got this one in the bag, and everyone knows it right from the start. Carmen tells us about how, at drag shows, they put on the performer no one likes first. Of course, Shangela pops Raja right into that spot. Delta tells us that the work room is silent, and everyone's trying to dig deep to find out what’s really funny about themselves.
I'm gonna take a stab at the square root of every queen's routine: Raja’s a bitter old dragosaur; Manila is annoying; Yara can't speak English very well; Delta is overweight; Alexis is not from this country; Carmen's a hoochie and Shangela’s name is SHANGELA for Chrissakes. It’s a made-up fucking word.

How on-fucking-point am I? Well.

At the rehearsal with Rita, Raja refers to Carrie, the 10-years-older-than-me horror film. Manila, against Ru's sage advice, recycles some lame jokes about how gay Sesame Street was. Yara used her thick accent (brilliantly and to her advantage, tho). Delta talked ad nauseum about her weight. Alexis drew from her experience as a Puerto Rican immigrant (albeit very loosely). Carmen acted like a hoochie, more interested in speaking into the microphone than telling Rita ANY of her jokes. No, I mean it. She was enamored with how loud her voice sounded in the mic.

And Shangela was off-the-wall, mega watt Shangela (the best kind). More on that in a sec.

It's almost show time and you can see that Delta's feeling the pressure. Shangela VOs that having been a performer doesn't necessarily help you in a sitch like this. Mainly because comedy is so subjective. I know that's true. Sometimes you can make a joke that your friends swear up and down is the funniest damn thing in the world, and it'll bomb so bad you won’t get up on stage for a few months after (I should never have agreed to be paid in Mai Tais).

Raja gets a load of Carmen in a wild fat suit and we both are like, “Oh, honey, NO.” But. Wait.

So Ru struts out as her typically fabulous self and greets Billy B, Michelle, Rita and Arden Myrin from…CHELSEA LATELY! GASP! It's like my funny bone just pissed itself.

Time for the Drag Queens of Comedy to make with the funny. Raja's up first, and she comes out in this ridiculous Carrie ensemble, complete with tilted bucket hovering over her perfectly coiffed head. She makes the perfect period joke, because really, ladies, admit it: you've thought it too damn many times for someone NOT to make the joke. But being a lady, you kept it to yourself. Just like your period, because you’d never risk grossing out your best friend’s older brother. (If only he could see you now, dishing freely about your rag online!)

Carmen comes out next and I wince, waiting for the pain a live show brings. But no. She's truly funny. She talks about how she wants to be fat, because every man secretly wants a fat woman. She strips off her long coat to reveal the fat suit, complete with sequined titty tassles (OF COURSE). Alexis goes a similar route as a big-titted Puerto Rican stripper. Yara takes her accent to the next level as a Hispanic little person. You really need to see that for yourself, because honey, it is a SPECTACLE.

Shangela destroys my insides with her LaQueefa the Post Modern Pimp Ho character. I'm laughing so hard that I have to hit pause and go pee. It’s official; Shangela's my new favorite.

Manila recycles some stuff about how gay Sesame Street is, and while she claims she wrote the material herself, Ru feels that much of it was borrowed…or at least very similar to what she’s already heard in the past. And Delta starts off strong but veers off in too many weird directions. She let the pressure get to her.

In the end, Shangela wins, and Delta and Manila are up for elimination. They must Lip Sync…for their Lives! And it is a command performance. The drag queen dramatics go way past eleven and if it weren’t for all that perfectly applied MAC, I’m sure Ru would have shed a tear. I guarantee you: if eyes weren’t moist, then panties were. Picture it: Donna Summer’s MacArthur Park with the two ending the theatrics in a bittersweet hug. In the end, Delta must –-
My husband walks in right here, drops his bag at his feet, and plops down on the couch without removing his jacket. "Did someone just sashay away?"

Now I’m getting all moist.

Miz J has an attitude. Deal with it. Check out her NSFW comedy podcast, I SAID IT, on iTunes or follow her on Facebook) or on Twitter @askmizj.