She's uncomfortable that the judges enjoy that sort of thing, and Manila defends her character by explaining that she was going for a "Margaret Cho sort of thing, you know, like how she makes fun of her mom all the time." So then Shangela's all, "She can do that, cause she's making fun of her own culture." And then there’s this hilarious camera shot, all dramatic, up close on Manila, and she looks like she just realized, "Oh, shit, wait, I’m not Chinese." Raja just rolls his eyes, because, as he points out, the go-to funny character for black women is the "ghetto girl." And that perpetuates stereotypes too.

No clear conclusion is reached, though, because RuPaul breaks the mock racial tension with a SheMail! "In the cosmos, there are billions and billions of stars. But the brightest ones are in Hollywood. Now, when it's your turn in the spotlight, will you sparkle-nearly-sparkle (OMG, I actually whiffed my first pop culture reference – I have no idea what she just said) or will you fall deep into the valley of the dolls?" Cue maniacal, over-the-top laughter that I wish I could replicate in awkward situations: "

No, no, your children are little joys, even when they're torturing my cat. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, leaving so soon?"

Okay, so this shit is hysterical: Shit RuPaul Says, the mini challenge, pits three queens against each other Wheel-of-Fortune style. The first one to solve the puzzle advances to the final round, and the winner gets a phone call home. Shangela’s gramma (Meemaw? I was sure it’d be Meemaw, since she reminds us at least once every episode that she's Southern and all) lives alone and is ailing, and Shang is tearing up at the possibility of being able to check in on her.

First up: Shit RuPaul Eats. Delta gets this one: “Two Piece and a Biscuit.” Frankly, I would pay good money to see RuPaul actually EAT a two-piece and biscuit without smearing MAC crimson all over the breaded goodness. That is truly the magic behind being the ultimate drag queen, I think.

Next up: Shit RuPaul Says. Raja nails it: "Eleganza Extravaganza." And last, Shit RuPaul Plugs, which Shangela immediately figures out: "Available on iTunes." Now, for the WIN, and the phone call home: Ghetto Shit RuPaul Says. And naturally, here’s little miss Southern 'N Ghetto Shangela, sayin' it because she IS it: “Mmm-HMMM,” with a neck snap. I still co-sign Raja's statement from earlier, so as a snotty white chick raised in the Mean Girl suburbs, I do the bitchy scoff coupled with the deep eye roll that makes anyone over 25 want to slap me.

Delta for the win! “Um, it’s She Done Already Had Herses.” Way to shank Shangela for that phone call home, gurl. Although, Delta, being the class act she is, gives Shangela the call anyway. Shang immediately calls her gramma, and I am STUNNED that there wasn't more drama centered around this moment, since this show tends to fabricate it out of thin air at every other turn.

On to the main challenge: the girls will be on a game show called Snatch Game, where they have to bring to life their best celebrity impersonations. "In other words,” Ru reminds them, “you have to be an entertainer who entertains.” She then reveals that Aisha Tyler, she of Talk Soup fame, and Amber Rose, she of Ray Charles glasses wearing and Kanye fucking fame, will serve as guest judges. Oh. I’m sorry. Apparently Ms. Rose is also a “model-slash-red carpet phenom.” But I like my intro better.

Sequins! Eyebrows! Hair! Padded asscheeks! It’s dress up time, and Manila, sick of all the "Asian talk" earlier in the day, decides to go as…another Asian. I’ll wait to tell you which one, though, because it’s FABULOUS, and in true queen fashion, fabulous things deserve a big, fabulous unveiling.


Raja settles on Tyra, which turns out BRILLIANTLY. Alexis settles on a “pregnant, butch Alicia Keys.” Yara decides on Amy Winehouse, and reassures Ru that she's been “watching Hottie Potter” for help turning her thick Puerto Rican accent into a smooth British one. I probably don’t need to point out that this is one magic trick even Hogwarts can’t turn. I'm also concerned about Delta, who chose to go as Cher. And so is Ru, who warns her that "Cher’s a fan of the show, so she'll be watching, and every queen that’s ever done her will be too. But no pressure or anything."

And then there's Stacy, who’s struggling mightily with her decision to go as Anna Nicole. Ru asks her how she's going to convey that she’s Anna, and Stacy points to her shoes and purse, which are pink. I hear the flat trumpets: WAA-WAAAAAAA. “You’re going to rely on your pink shoes and purse?” Ru tears into Stacy a little here, reminding her that she really needs to bring it this week, and how she said she’d bring it last week, and uh, forgive me, Shangela: it ain't being brought'n. Stacy breaks down and Shangela helps her figure out a new character, which turns out to be sheer genius: Mo'Nique.

So okay, here’s how it all goes down: the girls come out and have to match their "fill-in-the-blank" answers to Amber and Aisha’s. The standout stars are Manila, who shines as IMELDA FUCKING MARCOS, and manages to add a pair of shoes to her table every time the camera pans to her; Stacy as Mo’Nique's character in Precious, who snaps at everyone, smokes cigarettes and grumbles incoherently about a chicken leg every now and then; Raja, who’s spastic Tyra is dead-on and laugh out loud funny; and Alexis, who absolutely NAILS Alicia Keys. Well, actually, that's Swizz Beats who does that, but you know what I mean.

Of course, there are haters. Shangela, who pretty much misses with her Tina Turner impression, snipes about the Imelda getup on Manila: "Well, at least this time she picked a Filipino." Mariah’s Joan Crawford is a nightmare – no intensity, all camp. Same with Yara’s Amy Winehouse: the accent really doesn’t help it, because she doesn’t play it up as a feature. Carmen’s J.Lo is kinda weak, but that’s not really her fault -- the real thing’s pretty lame, too.

So for the elimination ceremony, everyone's supposed to just look fab in their favorite drag, but as Carmen reveals, "no one’s feeling very confident tonight."

The vibe in the dressing room this episode is all about “Look how deep we are.” First, a stimulating discussion about race; now, a stirring debate: What makes a good impersonator vs. a good illusionist? And yet again, RuPaul cuts like a fierce drag queen knife through the conversation with a strut down her own runway. Tonight, she’s joined by Santino Rice, Michelle Visage, Amber Rose and Aisha Tyler. The girls strut their fabulous stuff, and it comes down to Raja, Stacy and Alexis for the top spot. And because Stacy so thoroughly nails Mo'Nique, she wins the Bahamas cruise. Unfortunately, we’re at the halfway point in the competition, and no one enjoys next-week immunity anymore. So Stacy must continue to BRING IT like she did tonight.

Bottom 3: Yara, Delta and Mariah. Yara is excused, and Mariah tries to save herself by saying she is surprised she's down there, since Carmen basically just played a "bitchy version of herself." But facts are facts, and the queens don’t like Joan Crawford satire unless it’s at least half as sharp as the crazy curve in her crazy eyebrows. So she and Delta must LIP SYNC for their LIVES.
And it’s really too bad that Mariah doesn’t know the words to the song. Because that is precisely what makes Ru tell her to sashay, away.

Until next week, kiddies, I too must sashay.