Clearly, this isn't an exact science, but the girls pair off like it's third grade science all over again, and make educated guesses to get them through. In the end, Phoenix and Mariah emerge victorious, being the only pair to correctly guess the color of the plush kitty (not pink, surprisingly) that one of them is holding.

This little ruse determines who will play director for two hotly anticipated camp films written by RuPaul: Drag Queens from Outer Space: From Earth to Uranus and Drag Queens from Outer Space: Return to Uranus. I give them both five stars, especially because RuPaul unveils them with such an air of sophistication, like “For Your Consideration…”

So each gal has to pick her team, kickball style. Phoenix chooses Raja, Delta, India, Manila and Carmen. Mariah chooses Yara, Alexis, Shangela, Stacy…and lastly, the one with actual acting chops, Mimi. Naturally, Mimi's thousands of ACTING! emotions are swirling over being chosen last (the OUTRAGE!), and yet, like a true pro, she doesn’t let it hamper her performance, but enhance it.

Here we go -- lights! Camera! Action! Fake boobs! Wigs! Jewelry! The girls dig into it all (and that eventually includes the scripts, too). Although, from the start, there are doubts about Phoenix and her leadership abilities. You can tell she's uncomfortable. And then, of course, there's Mimi: Will she overact or overreact?

RuPaul, her majesty, enters gracefully. "Ladies, on the set you'll be visited by…"

There's a pause, and I'm like, “Three spirits?” OMG, can you imagine the kind of spirits those would be? At least one would be a cocktail, and the other two would be such a swirl of glitter and sparkle it would be like My Little Pony visiting me in my 6-year-old dreams. Yes! Please say it’s three spirits, RuPaul. "Michelle Visage and Alessandra Torassoni." Oh. LE SIGH.

RuPaul swans around the workroom, asking Phoenix why she didn't take the lead for herself, like a true diva would. And of course, Mimi can't help but to overpower. Regardless, RuPaul reminds them to make sure it's a "hit picktcha!" and not to "fuck it up." Words to live by.

It's time to act it out, with Alessandra and Michelle giving pointers. Pheonix's team goes first, and here are the facts: Delta spends more time on her hair than her lines. Which is perfect, because she plays Boobarella. Let’s face it, the lines are scarce and big, blond hair like Pam Anderson’s does in fact an Oscar make. I’m pretty sure that’s how Pam herself got famous in the first place, right?

Phoenix is clearly uncomfortable in her own skin. The judges keep reminding her to look at and engage with the camera, and she’s just…distracted? Michelle intervenes with, "What is your character feeling right now?" And I'm looking at her space-age getup thinking, “Giant silver Madonna cones?”

On to Mariah’s team, where Shangela and Alexis are killing it as the sexy robot twins joined together by the weave. I am laughing hard enough to create my own little drama on the couch, and I have to stop and compose myself like the diva I am. Even Mimi, who's overdoing it a wee bit, is clearly having a great time as the villainess Hermaphrodite. Although we get a little bit of that Shangela shade right here: "Miss Mimi, there’s a difference between being talented and being a showboat." No, I disagree. When you're ON STAGE, there’s no such thing as being a showboat -- there’s only your chance to shine. And I'm glad Mimi takes it, because it gains her the recognition from RuPaul that she doesn't get from her peers. Vindication is the best revenge.

Premiere time with Miss Tomlin rolls around, and our girls are decked out in their best space-age couture. Let's dish: first off, Raja is killing shit again with this C3PO’s slutty cousin ensemble. I love it. Other divas worth a shout: India, Alexis, Shangela.

Then there was Carmen. Again with the body, and some wacky hair she can't control. Okay, she has these hair rings that are GLUED to her head but are pulling themselves out, and her head is stuck in this weird position to keep everything together. Michelle warns her again not to rely so much on her body, and I hope she hears the warning this time, because she's gonna be bald and pneumonic soon.
The judges decide that Mariah's team wins because naturally, that's where all the talent is. Shangela, Alexis and Mimi are all recognized, and RuPaul says she can only choose one of them. Pause, sad faces, then: “Oh, the hell with the rules. Shangela and Alexis, you’ll each win a pair of Boobs for Drag Queens, from Boobs for Drag Queens. Miss Tomlin, did you hear me? I said Boobs for Drag Queens." Listen, if loving RuPaul is somehow wrong, then I never want to be right. This woman is all that.

So that means Team Phoenix is on the block this week (excluding Raja, who is immune, due to her superior fierceness last week). Delta’s shiny outfit comes into question, and she must explain that she was going for that “50s/60s retro futuristic look.” And the dude is all, “Well, other than its shininess, I don’t see how this is futuristic.” Um. SAID THE DUDE IN THE SHINY SHIRT. Discredited!

Carmen is issued another warning about overrelying on her body. But she's safe from the Lip Sync For Your Life challenge, probably because she's HOLDING her hair onto her head at this point. It’s between Phoenix and Delta, who must battle it out to Bad Romance.

Phoenix is all over it, “I want them to see the fire in my eyes right now,” and I laugh because that is SO what every hopped up raver in the club is totally thinking to themselves at like 2AM on Thursday under the strobe light in the center of the floor. But it’s also the main difference between these two divas.

"Delta’s being herself and Phoenix is just copying Gaga," India says.

Shangela puts a finer point on it: "Phoenix is a man doing moves." So he he must sashay away. And that pretty much clinches this fierce dance off -- which is so much better than last week’s.

Thank you ladies. And now, until next week, sashay.