Because I imagine somebody would get territorial and bust caps in asses before that happened. Bit of an overstatement. But I digress.

At the bar, Leif decides to tempt fate by ordering a beer, which prompts Shelly to crusade for his dismissal. She's at her breaking point, and I think this season is particularly difficult because it's a bunch of pseudo-celebs: all the entitlement, none of the talent. I bet it doesn't really feel like you’re doing society a favor by talking, say, Jason Davis figuratively down from the ledge.

Leif argues with Shelly: “I’m 48 years old, you can’t tell me what do.” Waaaaaah, I’m Leif, I’m 12. Naturally, Rachel defends Leif, probably because she wants a beer, too. There is no conviction, no empathy, no nothing from that woman. And she calls herself an "actress." Pssh.

Drew and Bob speak to Leif one on one after the outing, and Leif actually snickers when Bob marvels that his addiction is "so powerful right now." Drew, clearly getting sick of this shit, points to his Wall O' Medical Degrees and is all like, "Check it, bitch, you on my turf now," and Leif is asked to choose: Will it be drinking or continuing treatment? He picks the treatment. Hey, a check’s a check.

Even the music on this show is super-whiny: "Why's it gotta be hard?" is an actual lyric. Coupled with all the Juicy sweats, flip flops and general moping and shuffling, it's a call to arms for any and all hardworking members of our society. Literal arms.

While all this non-drama is brewing, Jeremy figures out that his wife Melissa, being treated on the other side of the fake plants, sold him out to the Enquirer in 2008. He's pissed about it, saying it ruined his career. And I'm like, "That was ‘08. Your career’s been ruined since '98." I guess this is what Drew means by denial.

At any rate, most of the show focuses on the players' extreme pettiness, which I feel like is its own addiction -– you know some people can’t get enough of the dramatics, and these are two shining examples.

Today's group concentrates on the patients' "lowest points." Leif details seeing a photo of himself with scabs and scars all over his face; Jeremy vents more about Melissa; Jason Davis looks a little more like 1977-era Elvis.

Then, the episode transforms into a clip show -- hey! Remember when we had interesting people staying here? With REAL problems? With the exception of Janice, I have a hard time believing that any of these people are getting anything out of this besides a check. Drew rolls clips of Tom Sizemore and MacKenzie Phillips, arguably two of the most hardcore users out there, and there's not a dry eye in the house. Except Rachel's. Because SHE'S NOT AN ADDICT and she can't identify. Seriously, maybe she should check into Sociopaths Anonymous. Mac and Janice have similar horror stories, and Mac and Leif go way back. I kind of want to see the three of them together. And then again, I kinda don't.

Commericals -- I get into an argument with my husband about minivans. I say he needs to remember that I don't want to drive a minivan, and that is as important as remembering that I don’t want a C-section or to be cremated. He raises an eyebrow at me and said I’m nuts.

Frankie and Shelly are arguing by the time I finish arguing with the hubs. I rewind it to make sure I didn't miss anything, and I want my three minutes back. Basically, Shelly's at her wit's end. She's pissed that Leif skated by, and now Frankie’s poking at her with some trivial shit. Shelly says something to the effect of, "I know because I’ve been sober for 14 years," and Frankie counteracts with her usual nonsense: 'I've been sober 18 days, what’s the difference?"

What’s the difference, indeed.

Miz J blogs at Ask Miz J.