SPEECHIFYING

Some Hard & Fast Rules For Dr. Laura

By Staff

DR. LAURA IS EATING HER WORDS AFTER SPEWING THE N WORD at a caller who complained about her husband's racist friends.

"Black guys use it all the time. Turn on HBO and listen to a black comic, and all you hear is n-----, n-----, n------. I don't get it. If anybody without enough melanin says it, it's a horrible thing. But when black people say it, it's affectionate."

After a commercial break, the caller professed asks "Is it OK to say that word? Is it ever OK to say that word?"

Dr. Laura responds "Black guys talking to each other seem to think it's ok."

But you're not black, they're not black, my husband is white," the caller says.

"Oh, I see, so a word is restricted to race. Got it. Can't do much about that."

Things get even uglier but you get the point: Dr. Laura doesn't know the "rules," which, you've got to admit, can be contradictory and confusing for the savviest among us.

But following them is a little bit like algebra: you don’t need to understand it to get the right answer, just so long as you follow directions.

So to make things crystal clear to those ignorant about them, here are some hard and fast rules of verbal engagement:

Whites can’t ever use the ‘N’ word.

Straights can’t call gays ‘fags.’

Nappy is only acceptable when it’s the title of a children’s book.

Bitch is off-limits to everyone, but beaatch is acceptable usage by bloggers and gang bangers.
br>‘Ho’and slut? See ‘bitch.’

Wetback is anathema to all but the most vile.

Raghead is forbidden, even when Prince Harry says it.

Jew is acceptable depending on the context. But under no circumstance do you ever call a Jew a Nazi.

Scot-free is a cheap expression.

Cracker, well, cracker is a thin wafer that you eat with cheese and olives.

That's the short list. If I’ve missed anything put it in the comments. Because there really ought to be a “list.”.