SUBJECTURE

The Fake Doctor Is In: Contemplating What Katie Perry's Bizarre Twitpic Reveals

By Elizabeth C.

WE PREDICT A BUSY DAY FOR DR. DREW TODAY AS WAGS PONDER THE MEANING OF KATY PERRY'S TWEETED BIRTHDAY MISSIVE TO HER BEAU RUSSELL BRAND.

Katy photoshopped her face on Russell's body on the current Rolling Stone cover.

"In honor of @rustyrockets birthday; film release! MY Rolling Stone Cover!," she exclaimed. But the bizarre photo could just as easily be a Rorschach test on the subliminal urges of the girl rocker.

Russell, starring in the just released Get Him To The Greeks, turned 35 June on 4th. The daffy twosome are engaged to become one later this year.

We could spend all day fingering through the DSM-IV for clues as to what disorder Katy's suffering. But who has time? And what would that reveal about me? Thus, we'll keep this pointless pastime brief.

Here, for your consideration, a few diagnoses:

Depersonalization Disorder, in which your body doesn't feel like your own?The photo suggests that Katy's clearly uncomfortable in her own skin as she prefers her pretty little head attached to someone else's body. Is it mere coincidence that it's atop a man's? I think not.

Perhaps Katy's just subconsciously revealing her underlying Gender Idendity Disorder as she chops off her female body and substitutes it with the sexless form of a pubescent boy. For sufferers of this disorder, there is a "sense of discomfort in their own gender and may feel they were ‘born the wrong sex." Katy seems like a girly girl to me, but looks can be deceiving.

Then there's the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, pedestrian for its application to stars and "special people." Katy may be feeling jealousy toward Russell as narcissistics are "often envious and even angry of others who have more, receive more respect or attention, or otherwise steal away the spotlight." Who's the bigger star now, Katy?

Lastly, we must consider Impulse Control Disorder in which the sufferer fails to control impulses "despite the negative consequences." Because Katy surely didn't think through how many eyebrows her little Photoshop gag would raise, now did she?.