Both Alex and I think -- What??

Alex's worried about what will happen when Jill arrives and urges Alex to smooth things over. She's not having any of it and tells her that Bethenny was right about a lot of things and she could care less what Jill thinks about anything. She tells us she wanted to slug LuAnn. Hee.

Sonja makes her entrance in a tight purple mini with a bright red ribbon down the back. So chic, and where is that pooch?

Oh, here comes Kelly with Jill and Bobby. Kelly pretends she doesn’t know the protocol of charity and asks if people will learn which donated items came from whom. Not that she cares, of course. Sonja thinks there will be drama tonight and says bring it on.

LuAnn and Kelly try to shore Jill up for Alex’s appearance. Alex hangs back while Jill pointedly ignores her at first and babbles about interior decorating. She tells us she’s not happy with Alex and has nothing to say to her. Alex hangs off to the side. She says that Jill keeps standing right beside her saying nothing, wanting everyone to feel that she’s ignoring her.

Ramona and Mario arrive, along with more fabulous folks and Jill’s event planner, who mysteriously figures prominently in this episode.

Now Bobby takes Alex aside to scold her. He’s sweet but he should butt out, too. Yea, maybe Jill was hurt but she’s also done a lot of hurting. Alex will not apologize but says she wants to talk to Jill herself. Bobby urges her to do so.

Meanwhile, in another corner, Jill is crying to Kelly about her broken relationship with Bethenny and how, since she’s pregnant now, she should be with her. She talks about the supposed ambush and says she just wasn’t ready to talk then. Then she begins to really cry and babble. Too late now, honey. The damage has been done and you are the culprit.

Now Ramona is scolding Alex. Gosh, is this what happens when someone finally shows some balls? Mario breaks the tension by telling them he’s disappointed Simon’s not there. Oh, Mario. Then Alex tries to talk to Jill but Jill immediately says she’s leaving. Alex fumes and says it’s probably over between them and that’s just fine and dandy with her. Outside Jill says “Alex, she’s done.”

Bethenny’s dying father wants to see her! She and Jason limo to the airport. She’s feeling weird about the situation and decides to call Ramona since she’s recently gone through the identical deal with her dad. We sit through a heartbreaking conversation. Ramona, as silly and off the wall as she can be, is amazing during this call. She understands, gives good advice, calmly tells her everything will be good and sends her love.

Ugh, Gotham mag is throwing a shindig for Kelly. Hey, that wedding planner chick is here again. What’s up with that? Alex and Simon arrive but she vows to stay away from Jill. Next thing you know Simon is sitting at Jill’s feet and she’s tousling his hair. Simon, you so crazy!!!

LuAnn brings some fey blonde guy she’s courting named Cort. She tells him she wants to sing, calls herself maybe a female Barry White, and they flirt. Kelly gets up on a table and talks about herself, blah, blah. Then Jill is all “Hey Alex, how are yewwwwww?’ As Alex says, she’s all "kissy-kissy" all of a sudden. Alex turns away as they yell out what a good hair day she’s having. She’s done with this fake society shit, at least for this night.

Ramona chooses her re-wedding dress. While she and the designer talk to her daughter Avery about her dress, we see that Avery still just doesn’t get it. Then she tells her mom she gets it but thinks it’s ridiculous. Ha, ha. I think she’d understand better if they just said, we’re loaded and we want to dress up and party, instead of all the endless “how much we love each other” talk.

LuAnn takes Kelly, Jill and Sonja to her secret spa. They listen while she talks about depression, soul mates and other spiritual and mystical stuff. Jill just listens as Kelly and Sonja pipe up about their divorces and feelings. Sonja says it was a nice experience and that they got to see each other on a deeper level.

In L.A. Bethenny clings to Jason after seeing her father. It was hard but Bethenny will make it. She says she can shut the door on that part of her life; now she can just look forward and not to the past. She also says if her mother knew he was dying she’d say “good.” He must’ve been quite a guy.

Then there’s a hilarious short scene with Jill reprimanding Kelly about saying “like” to much. Thank you, Jill. Remind girlfriend she’s not, like, 17 anymore.

Ramona invites Sonja and Jill to lunch. She’s having a girls yacht trip before her re-wedding, a bridal shower kinda thing. Sonja tells them about her modeling career and Jill breaks in with, “Really? You’re not that tall.” So negative, all the time. Ramona tells them about the trip and insists that they must come. Jill doesn’t want to come if Alex and Bethanny are invited. Ramona says she really wants her to come and it’s time to grow up. After all, there wouldn’t be much drama with everyone there. Oops -- that’s my thought -- not Ramona’s.

Now, that wedding planner chick is having a cocktail party. Oh goody, a change of apartment for the drama we know is coming. Doing something I hate, Jill quizzes the planner on who is coming. When she finds out Alex will be one of the guests she stiffens but says “whatever.” Ramona arrives and tells the group Bethenny’s father died. Jill immediately goes the fuck off and rails at Ramona for not calling her sooner. Ramona’s getting sick of Jill’s shit and asks why didn’t she call her herself. Now Ramona’s not Jill’s friend. How silly is this woman. Then Jill runs into the closet to cry crocodile tears, be comforted by Kelly and call Ramona a bitch. Then LuAnn and Ramona get into it, each blaming the other for sundry wrongdoings. I wonder if the planner knew what she was getting into. I hope she got paid well.

Then Alex arrives. She immediately says to Jill, “How dare you.” She accuses Jill of texting her for Bethenny gossip. They throw fingers up in each other’s faces like gang signs and Alex’s hives return. They argue, sitting down on either side of Kelly, who then makes the perfect funny face for that situation. Alex then reads Jill the riot act. Then comes the line we’ve waited for all season as she tells Jill: “You are a mean girl and you are in high school. And while you’re in high school I am in Brooklyn.” O...K.

Jill says then let’s just cut it and be done with each other, I don’t need you in the fabulous circle of friends I run with. Then cheers to the end of gossip and their relationship.

Alex leaves, still frustrated that Jill, since she didn’t just shut up and listen, didn’t understand what she was really saying.

P.S -- Bethenny welcomed baby girl Bryn Hoppy into the world!

SexyChattyCatty is a regular contributor at CrabbyGolightly.com where she writes on TV, America's favorite snack food.