CURIOUS MINDS WANT TO KNOW

The Low-Down: Answers To Your Burning Questions

Credit: The Reminder's Deluxe EP DEAR AVOINE,

Which is better: fake moaning or no moaning at all? - -DB.

If you're just not a moaner, don't force it, but understand that we all appreciate some verbal reinforcement, be it in actual words or euphoric sighs/moans/grunts. Is the sex that great to begin with? If you're not letting any breath escape your lips, I'd say that all signs point to "no."

How do I keep from crossing into "friend territory" with someone I'm into? --DG.

Offer to pay for something. Let your forearms touch. Don’t talk about other romantic interests.

What’s the deal with the gooch? -- BH.

The perineum –- a.k.a. "gooch" – is the area between one's vadge or balls and anus. On guys, it's essentially the very base of the penis, so don't neglect it. It's less sensitive for woman, but should still probably deserves attention.

Does asexuality really exist? -- ZC.

Asexuality, as mind-boggling as it seems, is definitely real. One percent of people consider themselves asexual, which only means they do not experience sexual attraction. Some, however, experience romantic attraction and have romantic relationships like the rest of us nookie-mongering humanoids.

Does semen cure a sore throat? -- JW.

My ex-boyfriend used to ask me to plop on down on his face whenever he had a sore throat, citing some "insider info" from a military doctor that performing oral sex on a woman cured sore throats. I don't know about semen, but I think it all sounds like bullshit. Cough drops and hot tea, man.

Why do vaginas smell bad? -- TB.

Vaginas should only smell bad if the woman doesn't shower, has an infection, or has a repugnant diet. Maybe you're gay, dude. If you think pussy smells bad, try giving a blowie to a musky pair of balls.

Does love make sex better? -- LR.

I'd say yes, because then sex is more emotionally fulfilling. However, good sex is good sex, and you can have a physically gratifying bone with whomever you stumble upon. Love usually makes sex better, but it can't redeem everything.

Why are some guys so possessive when they turn around and flirt with other girls? -- KB.

Because you are dating sniveling fools. Run, girl. Run as fast as you can.

What is the best boudoir soundtrack? -- SU.

You really can’t go wrong with the classic African-American male crooners –- Barry White, Marvin Gaye, the Chi-Lites, John Legend, etc. Other favorite boner jams include: India.Arie’s Brown Skin, Dave Matthew’s Band Say Goodbye, Bob Marley’s Stir It Up, and Broken Social Scene’s Lover’s Spit. Oh yeah, and Peaches’ Fuck the Pain Away for when you’re suckin’ on some titties.

What's your pleasure? Got a problem? Write to Avoine at AvoineSauvage@CrabbyGolightly.com