It's rare for women to get them as often as you do.

Problem is, yeast infections are tricky to self-diagnose, and in turn are over-diagnosed.

The vagina is a self-cleaning, self-regulating organ. It is always striving to maintain the balance between the levels of bacteria and yeast (fungus). When the balance is disrupted -- by things such as diet, antibiotics, douching, or over-use of Monistat -- you wind up with a nasty infection. Bacteria and yeast are both normal and necessary, but they must be equal.

By using Monistat as often as you are, you are killing the yeast and inviting the bacteria to go forth and multiply, since there is no yeast to regulate its growth. After repeated use of OTC yeast infection "cures," the bacteria is probably having a goddamn carnival in your lady-bits.

Sure, the soothing properties of those goopy suppositories can deal with the acute pain you're feeling, but that's all you're getting -- a masking agent for the real issue at hand. And speaking of pain, yeast infections shouldn't affect your ability to walk. Unless the yeast is experiencing figurative 'roid-rage, a typical infection should only entail some funky discharge and nagging itching.

Again, you need to get to a gyno for an exam to see if this is the case. Any symptoms beyond this could be indicative of an infection such as bacterial vaginosis or (god for-fucking-bid) an STD.

There are several methods to prevent this bullshit before it starts. Unless you’ve got a hot date, stick with cotton underwear. If you use tampons, change them within six hours. Never douche unless a doctor tells you to do so. Again, the vagina is a self-cleaning organ; respect its wisdom.

Stay away from scented laundry detergents. Avoid perfumed tampons or fragranced "feminine hygiene" products. And unless some huge corporate machine starts manufacturing special scented wipes for dude's stanky ball sweat, consider the mere existence of such products to be a misogynistic insult. There's nothing gross or dirty or smelly about you. Put the pussy on a pedestal and trust that it knows what it's doing.

It is also possible to prevent yeast infections with your diet. Yogurt contains the healthy bacteria Lactobacilli, which can help to maintain the vagina's balance. Garlic also has anti-fungal properties. Drink tons of water, always. It can also be helpful to take an acidophilus supplement. Like your doctor told you, cut back on sugar, alcohol, and – well – yeast.

All healing begins from within, and every aspect of your body is connected.

If your doc verifies that yeast is, in fact, the culprit, there are online resources for treating infections naturally, if holistic shit is your thang. But whatever you do, until you are certain it’s a yeaster, please stop wasting your money on Monistat -- it's probably making the problem a lot worse.

What's your pleasure? Got a problem? Write to Avoine at AvoineSauvage@CrabbyGolightly.com