CRY ME A RIVER

Halle Berry & Her Baby's Daddy Break Up? Yawn

By Miz J

Miz J HERE'S THE THING ABOUT HALLE BERRY'S BREAKUP WITH Gabriel What's His Butt:

I can't feel sorry for her. Even with a dud like Catwoman under her belt. Because the fact is, this is old hat for her. And isn't she lucky that, as one of the Lucky Straights, she gets the chance to fuck up marriage -- though technically THIS time she wasn't married -- over and over again?

I can't really give two shits about celebrity breakups because they make up/break up every ten minutes and it's getting old. Also, there are bigger issues around marriage and relationships that should have our attention, don't you think?

I see a lot of gay people struggling to find some legal way to be recognized as next of kin, spouses, domestic partners…and then I see celebrities like Nic Cage and Jennifer Lopez trying to be all cute and drive-thru about matrimony and it makes me want to puke.

So, I’m sorry, Ms. Berry, but I just can’t muster up the energy to care about your break-up, or anyone else’s divorce. And I’d appreciate it if you could just, you know, do it quietly and keep it to yourself. Thanks.

Miz J, who works in advertising, is a regula contributor and resident expert on all things Mad Men.