Because Andrew and Katie have been singing their whole lives. They were singing before Idol and they’ll be singing after Idol, cause that’s what singers do.

You know what they do win? A guaranteed obituary in their hometown newspapers, not some stinkin’ death notice for which their nearest and dearest will purchase as part of the funeral home package. An obituary is sooo much better.

Garcia entered the competition and rode the wave from his Straight Up performance but could never quite live up to the hype. And you know why? It’s too much pressure! Every week, getting in front of millions worldwide, hanging their invisible hopes and dreams on his curly bespectacled head. It’s fucking unreal, man.

And can you imagine the monster that Katie would be if she won? Seventeen effing years old. If she won this thing, she was in danger of turning into just another Miley or Lindsay, and then her life would be ruined! It was good that Simon thought her cover of Baby, What You Want Me to Do was loud and annoying. It saved her from a life of narcissism and entitlement. Katie needs to work a little longer before such a prize comes her way.

Winners in life. And don't you forget it.

Next week's theme? Idol Gives Back, featuring inspirational songs with mentoring by the lovely Alicia Keys.