Then Ru arrives suited in dark gray with an orange shirt, gorgeous, one of my favorite combinations.

Up next, a mini challenge: "The Queen Is Right!," played just like its namesake.

The products: drag queen essentials. After three rounds, the winners will advance to Ru’s Showcase Throwdown. The final winner gets the chance to phone home. Gasps all around, it seems they’ve had no contact with the outside world since the show began.

Our first item is a six-pack of tube socks. Exciting! Raven bids $9.45. Juju bids $5.98. Sahara bids $6.

The price: $10.99 Raven wins!

Our second item is Preparation H 2, used for under-eye puffiness.

Pandora bids $2.98. Jessica -- “She don't know wha dis ting does" -- bids $4.50. Morgan bids $5.85.

The price: $5.59. Ha, Jessica wins! She want to call her mom.

Our third item is duct tape for tucking some other things, hems or something. Tyra bids $2.98. Sonique bids $4. Tatiana bids $3.75.

The price: $6.98. Sonique wins!

The “Showcase Throwdown consists of essential ladyboy night on the town items: brass knuckles, a can of pepper spray and A BRAND NEW WIG! "OOOOOOuuuu,” all the ladies coo. And this ain't just not ho wig either, it’s a lace-front with human hair. Probably just like the ones the real Tyra wears.

Sonique bids $225.01. Jessica bids $390. Raven bids $395.

The price: $1,283.90. Raven wins it all and a phone call home to momma.

Raven calls home. Mom doesn't seem to know who he is at first then it's love and smooches.

Ru says this week's main challenge is The Snatch Game. It’s celebrity impersonation. Whaaa??!! Then why not just call it the Celebrity Impersonation challenge? What’s with the 'snatch'? Is it just to draw viewers. I don’t get it. Maybe it’s not made to be understood, let’s just go with it.

The queens have to impress the judges with more than their impersonations; they also have to have the right looks, precision and show some wit.

“Make us laugh,” Ru says, “And may the best Liza win.”

Poor, sweet Tatiana is new to impersonation. She asks Jessica who she’s going to do and she says Jessica Wild. Tattiana agrees and says that Tatiana IS her character so he’s just adrift and glances around looking lost and bird-like. Jessica has a reason to be Jessica - - she’s clueless as to what’s going on.

Morgan is Pink and Sonique’s doing Lady Gaga.

“Hey Squirrelfriends,” Ru says to the group. Jessica tells her she's decided to do Ru. Is she a nutball or what. She shows Ru some of what she calls Ru’s mannerisms and just looks scary and ready for her closeup.

But Ru gives her a pound for having the balls to do one of the judges. Oh god, this should be something. Ru also hopes she won’t be gagging on Sonique’s Gaga. Is that another reference to Gaga’s supposed penis?

Pandora’s doing Carol Channing and both Ru and I squeeze our eyes tight and cheer. Raven’s doing Paris Hilton. Ru reminds Tyra that the judges mentioned her deep voice. Tyra doesn’t care and Ru says it worked for Bea Arthur. Ha, she’s such a hoot. Juju will be Kimora Lee. Ugh, I fucking hate the real Kimora, but I guess I’ll endure. Morgan’s Pink tells Tatiana’s Britney that her blond wig is wack and she has a better one she can wear. That's a bit harsh. Morgan tells us the wig only had three hairs, ha. Tataiana is, of course, insulted and vows to knock stinkass Morgan/Pink off her pedestal. Tatiana tells Tyra, who’s chosen to do Beyoncé, that Beyoncé was only funny when she fell off stage. Tyra gives her a sideways glance that says, 'What you talking 'bout, bitch.' They go back and forth with Tyra extolling the wonder that is Beyoncé until Juju tells us that “Tyra talks like she knows Beyoncé, like she’s paying her bills.”Ha!

That's enough, let’s get ready for Snatch Game 2010. And let’s not fuck it up, dolls.

The game seems to be the dolls answering questions in character on a two-tiered dais. It’s Ru and two additional celebrity judges who are, oh my Lord, Phoebe Price!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- the red-head who’s only known talent is constantly photos appearing at premieres in outfits even Ru wouldn’t wear. This show is full of surprises. Oh, and Alec Mapa, a minor character on Ugly Betty.

Pandora’s Carol Channing is pretty good, in looks and wit. Morgan/Pink fucks up her first answer when Ru asks her if she's ever appeared on a game show before and she says yes, this is her first one. She immediately knows she messed up and is sulky the rest of the game.

Juju is spot on Kimora in looks but needs to be more stuck up.

Gaga says “trust.” Okay. When Jessica/Ru is called on, she ignores Ru at first then does this head thing and calls out, “Heeeeeeeeeelllllllllooooooooooo darling.”

Ru laughs but I think she just looks totally nutty in a wild blonde fright wig and Ru just doesn’t act like that.

Raven’s Paris looks okay and is a little bit funny, Sahara’s Whitney looks more like a corner barmaid than an international diva. And that little newbie, Tatiana, does a spot on Britney and is funny to boot. Tyra choose "Sasha Fierce" but is “Sasha Flat” in striped wig and overdone lashes. Pandora tells us that "Tyra is NOT Beyoncé." As if we didn’t already know.

Then they play a another stupid quiz game, the judges answering questions first, then the contestants. The double entendres are flying. Tyra, who last week said she was America’s sweetheart, manages to continue to make fun of Mystyique even though she’s long gone. None of them were really funny at all.

Elimination day. Tyra wishes everyone well. She can take the high road since she won the challenge last week.

Ru looks positively lurid today in bright blond curls and vivid, wavy strips as she trades compliments with the judges from the runway. As a tip of the hat to Neicy Nash she wears a large red ornamental flower in her hair. Neicy notices. The dolls’ personal style is on runway tonight.

Blonde Pandora looks pretty good in glowing silver with a long leg slit. Tyra looks absolutely gorgeous in a red and black suit with the most fabulous black hat with three long, slender feathers and black veiling while toting high-end shopping bags. She makes a very merry widow.

Morgan's just arrived from the circus with a little black top hat, gold outfit and black over-the-knee boots; Ru calls Jujubee Lil' Kim or Little Kimchi. Ha. She looks hot as Kimchi.

Sonique’s decked out in black and orange tiger stripes with pointy ears to match, she’s very Julie Newmar sex kitten. Tatiana’s blue/purple metallic skirt is in danger of showing her cucu. Jessica looks like Prince in black ruffles. Raven is Parisian in a long, black and white patterned dress with a red ruffled underskirt. And Sahara is all mutton-sleeved in black leather and lace -- the judges call her Grace Jones. Very Matrix.

This week’s selection process is pretty cute. The queens stand clutching small silver suitcases -- it’s “Heel or no Heel.” If you open the box and there’s a heel in there you’re safe. Tyra, Raven ("Oh thank God!!," she says), Jessica and Sahara are safe.

Tatiana, Jujubee, Pandora and Morgan are the best and the worst for the week.


The judges face-to-face critique: Jujubee’s personality should have been bigger, Sonique’s Lady Gaga was not funny at all. (But then again, nor is the real Lady G.) Sonique said it was all about the fashion. Pandora was campy and funny. Tatiana tells us she's proud of herself. Guest judge Lisa Rinna says that Britney used to live around the corner from her and that Tatiana NAILED her. But Merle says she looks like a hooker today. Oh my. Morgan fucked up her answer and was sulky. Now the Interior Illusions Lounge, and drinks, await!

The judges babble: Tatiana was amazing as Britney, just the best! Pandora has no personal style but is really funny. Morgan’s Pink was weak and she knew it. She said she didn’t want to embaraass Pink. Bull. Jujubee had makeup lines on her neck so she’s penalized for no attention to detail.

Pandora was a standout and is safe, Tatiana looked cheap on the runway but was confident in the challenge and she’s the winner! Take that Morgan! She wins immunity and a $1,000 shopping spree at Billion Dollar Babes, a high-end discount site. It’d better be discount, a grand doesn’t go far with Michael Kors.

Sonique is beautiful but they gagged on her Gaga, so she’s up to lipsync. Morgan’s performance was dull, she’s up too.

Jujubee needs to turn up the heat or she’s gonna go down in flames, but she’s safe.

The song tonight is Two of Hearts by Stacey Q. Sonique immediately starts stripping, throwing her skirt off to reveal a matching tiger stripped thong. Ass cheeks showing, she then starts doing cartwheels and splits. Morgan says it’s not a gymnastics competition, but she’s having a hard time keeping her eyes off the sex kitten.

The judges say Morgan’s lipsync was tight and that Sonique worked every inch of the stage. And it’s Morgan who will shanté and stay while Sonique sashays away. Everyone claps for her.

As she leaves she wonders if she was too cocky (Tatiana says YES!) but says she’s been humbled. Amen.

SexyChattyCatty is a regular contributor at CrabbyGolightly.com where she writes on TV, America's favorite snack food.