Besides Alexis just bothering me by being herself, she resembles a cartoon duck.

Tamra brings wine to Lynne's mothers house where she and the girls are staying. Lynne’s face looks so freaking taunt you wanna bounce a quarter off it. While unloading on Tamra about the girls' anger -- and her anger at Frank -- she seems drunk before the first glass. Both get teary-eyed over the situation.

Tamra has a 42nd birthday lunch. Former too sane housewife Tammy shows up. She wears white with a sparkly white fur tiara glowing "birthday." Where is PETA?

She doesn't believe Vicki's not going to show up so she calls but gets no answer. Let the drinking begin... She gets a gift of Virgin again pills and sprinkles them around to the hos and bros. Ok. Then Vicki’s assistant shows up with a gift. Tamra’s hurt by that but WTF, she sent something.

Yeah, Vicki has to work, bitch. When will they get it thru their heads that she doesn’t have time for the nonsense in the middle of the day.

Ron Ann, what an unusual name, Gretchen’s make up artist and partner prepares for their line’s launch. Vicki’s still a naysayer on the deal. And Gretchen’s got pimples! Yep, she's just like us.

Ugh, Alexis is wearing tiny satin shorts to lunch with mom. We she pictures of her from little kid to teen where she looks perfectly cute. She tells us she was just too fancy for Missouri and that everyone always said she looked like she should live in California. And that’s why we ended up with her.

Mom tells her that she didn’t like to walk outside because she didn’t want her hair to smell like... AIR. Huh??? Like... air. Alexis is amazed at the story and also that mom’s forehead is unwrinkled without Botox. Alexis, many, many women are beautiful without Botox. Live for years without it. But she loves the air in the plastic surgery office and thinks surgery makes women better people. Ugh.

They chat in the surgeon’s office and hug before Mom goes under the knife. The surgeon starts drawing those incision lines. He’s really sloppy, those are the sloppiest I've ever seen. Nighty nite, Mom. Blah, blah, blah, Alexis talks on about getting surgery.

Twisted sisters Alexa and Raquel grow closer after getting evicted from their house. Alexa wonders what’s up with parental units hiring that teen whisperer and Raquel, although she said it helped her previously, now calls that bullshit. They know this situation is straining their parents' marriage. Alexa says her parents want to live their dreams but wonders if her parents dream was getting evicted. No, honey, it wasn’t. But they’re both so kinda spacey you wonder.

Vicki, Don and Brianna wait anxiously for the biopsy results. And it’s good news, no cancer. Brianna wants a shot of Tequila, not the beer Don offers. Whew, that was a close one but now everyone’s smiling and eating limes.

Mom feels weird after surgery and Alexis, who says she’s never seen anyone in that state shudders and feels weirded out as well. But bandaged faced mommy is not going home with her but to some repair facility. Alexis is going to get a massage, it’s mommy time!

Lynne and Frank have dinner. They need to discuss their trust issues. Frank compliments her on her hair and she says she did it herself to save money and didn’t get spray tanned so she’s very white. I guess she means California white cause she looks to me like she's got some color. Frank apologizes again, says their will probably always be problems and we don’t quit. Lynne says she’s not going to tolerate it again and he’s not to keep her in the dark anymore. They’re still in love, you can see it. Two fuck ups in love, ain’t it grand.

Gretchen's launch at the Women’s Expo. There are really large, Sheree size, pictures of her all over the place. Fucking Slade is there. Does he have a job? Their booth is really awesome and gorgeous. You can tell she spent a pretty penny. The coordinator says that normally the event draws about 12,000 attendees, but this year there may be 2,000. And they trickle in one by one. The economy is blamed.

Simon and Tamra are out to dinner for her birthday. They talk of diamond presents past. Simon says they have a perfect marriage. No one does Simon, you’re deluding yourself. Then he compares himself to Desi Arnaz, saying Tamra does a lot to embarrass him but he’s a stoic and puts up with it. They seem pretty grim for a couple in perfect love. Eventually the talk turns to Vicki. Tamra says Vicki has a good side and Simon says Hitler had a good side. Ass. A gondola ride ends the evening.

While making out under a bridge she says he doesn’t have to tongue her anymore. Ha! Then he fucking ruins it by saying his friends wonder how in the world he puts up with his hot, wacky wife. Tamra says “Wha??? He says “Oh, nothing.” The divorce drama is upcoming.

All this drama ends next week. Bring on New York.

SexyChattyCatty is a regular contributor at CrabbyGolightly.com where she writes on TV, America's favorite snack food.