When Morgan McMichaels come in, Raven runs to her and says they started drag together so she knows somebody too.

Mystique is repping for the big girls and hating on the skinny bitches. Jessica Wild, from Puerto Rico, looks likes she’s in costume and has an accent but she’s no Nina Flowers, loca. Next in is Sonique, who was sent to military school and came out a drag queen. Tatianna, at 21, is the baby of the group and first did drag at 14. Pandora Boxx says she is a combination of Madonna, Goldie Hawn and Kathy Griffin, who she somewhat resembles. Tyra Sanchez arrives looking like a star, on point with her Rihanna hair and full makeup.

They all light up when RuPaul, the legend, enters to greet them. Chosen for their nerve and courage, the winner's reward is a lifetime supply of Nyx cosmetics and will become the face of the product, land a PR contract advertising LA eyeworks, $25,000 and a stint with Logo’s Drag Race Tour sponsored by Absolut vodka.

Mike Ruis, a familiar and welcome face from America’s Next Top Model, is the photographer for their first photo shoot. I wish he could be on every episode, I just like looking at him. Each queen has to pose with two hunka hunka oiled and barechested men while sitting on a cannon. O, did I mention that the theme for this show was the Civil War? I wonder if they had drag queens back then. Anyway, they use a fan for this shoot and it must be a real big’un. Their huge wigs start blowing around obscuring their faces, the cow-like eyelashes start flapping and I lose my shit. Morgan McMichaels actually loses her wig and someone says she’s never been blown like that. You know, if you love innuendo, sexual or otherwise, this is your show.

A nice treat is that the Absolut commercials feature queens from last year’s show. Winner Bebe Zahara Benet, sweet little Ongina and beautiful bitch Shannel tell their drag stories to a handsome bartender. Where’s Nina Flowers? I hope too busy doing something else just as fabulous.

Raven’s announced the winner of this first photo shoot. Of course, now she thinks she’s Queen of the Hill. We’ll see about that.

Since a most famous scenes from Gone With The Wind is Vivian Leigh making a dress from drapes, o course their next challenge is for each girl to pick curtains, along with some used home furnishings, ha, and create an ensemble. Raven gets first choice since she won the photo challenge. When the rest get their turn to choose, as someone noted, there were no ladies, only men grabbing curtains. Ha!

Shangela wants to team up with Pandora because she can’t sew... How annoying. It's like somebody wanting to copy your homework. Miss "no sew" Shangela also went and quit her job to do this show! As she’s only been doing drag for about 5 months she’s in for a hard time with these experienced queens.

RuPaul plays Tim Gunn and goes around giving advice and shoring up the ladies for the catwalk. Mystique complains about her dress-form being too small for her to create a fab size 22 dress. Ru tells her to pad it but she doesn’t want to spend the time. She’ll regret that. Ru then tell them that the surprise guest judge this week is Kathy Griffin and Pandora, the Griffin look-a-like, does a half swoons.

It’s time for Ru’s Cover Girl walk on the runway and the introduction of the judges: best-selling author and Launch My Line runner-up Merle Ginsberg, Project Runway designer Santino Rice, photog Mike Ruis and Kathy Griffin. The contestants come out in some amazing creations in true drag queen fashion. That's when I noticed how much Sahara looks eerily like Sheree from the Atlanta Housewives show. Hahahaha, Sheree thinks she’s so beautiful when what she has is the drag look.

Everyone is taken aback when Mystique, who knows her outfit is horrible, drops a split on the judges, with her 290 pound ass. She was seriously trying to win, I was scared. Ru praises them all, then calls out Jujubee, Tatiana, Raven, Sonique, Jessica and Nicole. None were winners but all are safe and asked to step up their game.

The rest are critiqued on their photo shoots and runway outfits. Tyra is told she doesn’t have much personality or facial expression. Shangela’s outfit has no bustline and doesn’t give good face. Morgan is judged fierce and Cher-like; Kathy says looking at Pandora is like looking in a mirror. And Mystique’s dress is raggedy and can't contain her breasts. Sahara/Sheree’s outfit is judged not draggy enough. Then they are asked to "untuck" in the Interior Illusions Lounge while the judges debate.

When they return to the runway, Morgan is judged the winner, while Tyra, Mystique and Pandora are safe. So it’s college friends Shangela and Sahara Davenport left to lipsinc for their lives. They perform to Ru’s catchy Cover Girl And they "work it" -- throwing their skirts off, kicking their legs to the sky, doing a little ballet, some splits and both do what I call the Leiomy fall.” Sahara wins but it’s bittersweet since she’s sending her friend, Shangela sashaying away.

The cherry on top of this confection is an additional half-hour show named Untucked. As Ru says it's for all the twigs and berries they couldn't fit on the show. It's basically a backstage bitchfest similar to Project Runway’s "Models of the Runway" show. Of course alcohol is available to goose the conversation.

They talk about anyone who isn’t in the room. How Mystique was complaining instead of creating a fierce outfit and using her size as an excuse; who has natural lips; who’s the hottest guy. We learn how and when they tuck. Mystique promises to kick Morgan’s ass, the usual. This show is so wacky, it’s tacky and I love it to death. Join me.

SexyChattyCatty is a regular contributor at CrabbyGolightly.com where she writes on TV, America's favorite snack food.