Elin Flees Because A Tiger Can't Change His Stripes
TIGER'S WISH COMES TRUE
Elin Leaves Because A Tiger Can't Change His Stripes
GOOD NEWS, TIGER!
COME CHRISTMAS MORNING, YOU'LL BE FREE TO CAROUSE WITH YOUR HAREM OF HOS, POP AMBIEN and maybe even some steroids.
Good riddance to those balls and chains named Elin, Sam and Charlie, who are off to Sweden to celebrate the holiday.
Who the hell wants those deadbeats around making your life a mockery, a sham, a "publicity" stunt?
As unnamed "sources" allegedly spill to People that Elin's packing up and moving on, and pap pics show her sans wedding band this week, reports conflict over Tiger's reaction to the dive his life has taken since Thanksgiving.
While some report that he's shellshocked; others say he's still texting Rachel Uchitel for hookups.
Because we presume Rachel and/or (fill in the blank) Jaimee/Cori/Holly/Joslyn/Jamie/Kalika/Mindy/Julie/Loredana together can offer so much more love, sex, security, glamour and contentment than Elin.
I'm sure Tiger gets a lump in his throat just thinking about it.
Now the golf god with the biggest balls gets the chance to find out what kind of person Rachel really is: The one he "got to know on the phone, e-mail, text and in person. Or the one who likes famous people?"
Because, you know, his brain and heart are "saying two different things."
Because, Tiger purportedly says, "It guts [him] to think I've fallen for the wrong one."
That's funny. The public's feeling the very same way about you, Tige.
After a lifetime of being "controlled," congratulations on your freedom. You clearly wanted it very badly.
Tags: Tiger Woods
