MENTORS & PROTEGES
Speidi Strikes As Hollywood Sours On Brangelina
THE BIGGEST FAMEWHORES IN HOLLYWOOD have written a book on -- ta da! -- how to be a fame whore! Because what other identifiable skills do Heid Montagi and Spencer Pratt have?
The titillating reality TV twosome are sharing their secrets on fame mongering in How To Be Famous: Our Guide To Looking The Part, Playing The Press and Becoming a Tabloid Picture.
In their latest devious calculation, Speidi teaches how to "increase your capacity for evil," feed the public's appetite for plastic surgery stories and and "outrageous behavior," and share the "secrets of celebrity couple math."
And in the opinion of this immodest couple, no one better personifies the game than the Jolie-Pitts.
"We'd love to sit down and discuss fame with them," Speidi, answering as one, told Playboy.com. "Consider this your formal invitation, Brangelina. Let's hang out sometime. We'll be SpeidiLina!"
Ha! That's hil-ar-i-ous, you kooky kids!
The duo also frets in mock horror about possibly offending Hollywood's reigning prom queen and king.
"We wouldn't want to piss them off. She might steal Spencer -- you know, because she steals people's husbands!" Bada bing. Bada boom.
We can practically hear the hiss of revulsion that Speidi's effrontery provokes in Angelina. "How dare they!," we feel certain she roars. "They're not worthy of our spit!"
But, take note, Brangelina: Now might be a better time to fuel up the jet and skip over to another continent. Because your imminent future looks bleak when Speidi feels safe to joke at your expense.
Yes, what goes up inevitably comes down, and today's zeitgeist demands that Brangelina’s puffery be deflated. And current Hollywood seems happy to oblige.
Megan Fox disparages Angelina as a “tigress,” Kristen Stewart laments being a “movie star like Angelina Jolie,” and Jim Carrey sarcastically snipes that Angelina’s “the problem for sure. We’re ok with [Pitt], seriously, because he can do no wrong.”
In the most organized attacked against the once-untouchables, Life & Style writes this week that Angelina Life & Style is a fraud, a “master manipulator” who uses her children as pawns for publicity, perpetuates violence through film and willfully stole Brad away from his ex.
On top of all that now there’s Brangelina: The Untold Story of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie which purportedly reveals the “story behind the crumbling of Hollywood's most carefully constructed fantasies.”
Among the bombshells delivered by author Ian Halperin, a former editor at Rolling Stone: Brangelina is permanently fractured as a couple, and that Angelina has recently used crystal meth.
That's a heavy load for any celebrity couple to carry, even one so versed in the contest as Brangelina.
But if the game's gotten bigger than both of them, I know a couple who will sympathize. Or, at the very least, send a copy of their new book.
Read Untangling Why We Can -- And Can't -- Hate Brangelina here.
Read Megan Fox Gets Stupid Ugly, Proves She's No Angelina here.
Read Brother, Can You Spare A Camera Crew? here.
Read Here's a Question For You, Ang: How Many Zaharas Could You Buy For $3,590? here.
Read A Kiss 'Au Revoir,' Brangelina here.
