CONSPIRACY SPOILER ALERT
In The Bag? Evidence Mounts That Chicago Gets The 2016 Olympics
By Elizabeth C.I SMELL PRODUCTION! AND PREDICT ORGASMIC JOY throughout Chicago's ruling class when the official word comes down that the city has won the 2016 Summer Olympics.
Signs are suggesting that the ruler of the Western world and the Queen of all media will rendevous in Copenhagen this week. And bookies are favoring Chicago to wins the games.
The White House confirms that the President's advanced ''security'' team traveled to Denmark just about the same time that news leaked that Oprah would make the trek.
Yes, yes, we know that Mayor Daley's fingernails have been chewed down to the nubs while awaiting news of whether the games would be awarded to his fiefdom. But this is also what's known as a 'tease,' the 'cliffhanger.' And when the U.S. chief lobbyist shows up in Copenhagen to get the good word, that will be the shocking 'reveal.' It's a common tactic in daytime and reality TV.
Someone far more versed in politics commented last week that President Obama wouldn't make the trek to Europe if he was going to come home empty-handed. That would not be 'presidential,' and would only dim his golden image. And Oprah wouldn't be going if she wasn't going to have access to her hearthrob. (Note to Michelle: Watch for strategically-placed banana peels."
What's no so clear is what Chi-Town's holy trinity gets out of the games. So let's speculate.
If Chicago hosts the 2016 games, Daley gets to fill the city's coffers with licensing and construction fees, all the better to keep clout's infrastucture in place. As long as the money's coming in, Daley can afford to pay city workers higher than average wages, thus making sure playas wanting to ride the gravy train will post placards and feign support at events the Mayor backs.
It's this army of supplicants who make it possible for Daley's political appointees to keep winning elections, thereby indebting them to Richie Rich, and for whom they will forever after pay back with favorable court decisions, zoning variances and city council votes.
Oprah already lets Da Mayor entertain in her studios' screening room. Helping him land the Olympics only expands her privileges to borrow Michigan Avenue, lose less sleep over potential lawsuits alleging business and labor violations, summon FBI protection from supposed blackmailers, and generally live above the law because she trades on her hypnotized audience and the magic of TV.
But the best prize for her is getting face time with her man crush Obama, for whom she feels she single-handedly delivered to the White House.
We're less sure what President Obama gets out of the deal. Come 2016, he'll be a lame duck about to leave office. He'll already be a rich man and no doubt will become even more so once the auctioning begins for his presidential memoirs. So what does he get? Surely it can't be just cheap land or access to luxury digs in his native Hawaii? Come to think of it, he does have a history of liking cheap land. We really really like the President, but we can't forget those past alliances.
The announcement is days away. Stay tuned.
