HEARTBREAK SELLS

Tabloid Trash Talk

Heartbreak, Betrayal, Deception -- Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Jessica Simpson's Breakup

By Vegas Vegas

UH-OH, OK! GAWKER CAUGHT YOU!

This week's OK! cover of a svelte Jessica Simpson jogging off the 224 pounds of football player she's been desperately clinging to for months is apparently a con job!

The cover snap is actually a photo from 2007 and the "before" photo is from earlier this year!

Shame on you OK for holding Jessica Simpson up to…her…own standards? I mean it's obviously a ploy to sell more magazines, but hey, this is what Jessica Simpson has looked liked and could look like again.

She's famous for that look in the purple T-shirt and it's just bad for the morale of the country when Jess packs on the pounds.

So I'm glad to hear, as OK reports, she has cleared out her fridge and started working out again. Get back into fighting shape and totally turn this into your "Britney Moment!"

You know, that's when your life falls apart all over the tabloid covers and then you miraculously pull yourself up by your Jimmy Choo straps and start smelling like a daisy.

Jess should probably see it as thinspiration then that both of her ex-boyfriends are dating girls who are practically younger versions of herself.

InTouch reports that Nick Lachey has been spotted with a woman who resembles Jess, in so much as she is a bottle blond and carries a large handbag. Nick took his mystery date to a Sherman Oaks, Calif., restaurant where he used to go with his more recent ex -- Vanessa Minnillo.

Us Magazine blows the lid off of Tony Romo's "other woman," a younger, thinner, more tanned version of Jessica. She's the daughter of Eastern Illinois University's Athletic Director, long time friends of the Romo family.

According to the sources for this story Tony had been texting and flirting (flixting?) with Natalie Smith for months before he broke it off with Simpson.

Now that the Dallas Cowboy is a free man the twosome have been sneaking around, trying to stay under the media radar but it’s not really working. Once you’ve dated a celebrity of Jessica Simpson’s caliber you are doomed to a hell of eternal coverage. Any time she gets together or breaks up with another man your picture is going to be thrown in with the rest of her exes. Or you’re going to be out somewhere and you’ll wind up with your picture on Page Six just so they have an excuse to use the phrase “Jessica Simpons’ ex.” Sorry buddy.

Us has a little side bar about how Jess' renewed contact with former beau John Mayer was the excuse Tony used to break up with her. But no one is claiming (yet) that these two are getting back together.

The National Enquirer is running a story that fat’s not the only thing she’s cutting out of her life. She’s reportedly going on a six month man diet. No men for half a year. I don’t think she’ll be able to do it. What’s she going to do, record a new album? Dear God please let her start dating again.

She wants to give herself some time to focus on “inner growth” says the magazine. Hrm, that might mean Kabbalah. But she could go Gospel on us. Either way the magazine’s sources predict that it’s only a matter of time before all of this introspection leads Jess to meet Mr. Right. Because it’s not a period of meaningful thought unless you find a guy at the end of it.

Vegas is a gambler who always loses money on craps. She spends her time in Chicago with her husband, two cats and various artistic endeavors taking up way too much space in her house and hard drive. Visit her blog at jensaysanything.blogspot.com.