MJ'S MEMORIAL

The Best And Worst Of Michael Jackson's Memorial

By Sophia Ulmer Sophia

THE STARS WHO PARADED ACROSS THE STAGE AT MICHAEL JACKSON'S MEMORIAL SERVICE AT L.A. Staples Center captured the good, the bad and the boring of mourning as entertainment.

The Good

Shaheen Jafargholi is the 12-year-old squirt from Britain's Got Talent. I didn't know who he was at first. From afar, he looked like a dyke and sounded like, well, a choirboy. (Don't get your skivs in a twist, ya'll. I've got the street cred to use the term "dyke.") The kid owned it, what can I say?

Next on the cue, the super-pretty, super-pregs Jennifer Hudson. As usual, the American Idol finalist delivered the bacon with her monster pipes. They breed 'em good in Chicago!

Last, and certainly not least, Stevie Wonder delivered a stellar performance. Before he began singing, he made a much-needed declaration that he was "at peace" with Michael's death. I'm not a religious person, but Stevie Wonder reminding us that "God is good" made me feel all fuzzy inside.

The Sad

The entire tribute tugged at the heartstrings, but these shredded them.

The most poignant and heartbreaking moment of the service was when Michael's 11-year-old daughter, Paris Jackson, took to the stage and declared that MJ was "the best father you could ever imagine."

Though I did not expect nor intend to cry while watching the tribute's clips, this was the first one I saw, and was verclempted for the rest of the show.

I had no idea that Michael Jackson and Brooke Shields were No. 1 chums. Regardless, her eight-minute eulogy was candid, sweet, and personal. Shields shared with the crowd that Michael's favorite song was Charlie Chaplin's Smile. Jermaine Jackson then sang the song, growing more and more tearful toward the end of the performance.

I have a little thing for Usher. He makes my heart go pitter-patter. And we share the same birthday (October 14). However, I was totally put off when he took to the stage and said, "We love you Michael. You meant so much to us, especially me." Ahem? "Especially" you, Ursh? What about his kids?

Luckily, Usher's rendition of Gone Too Soon rocked the mo-fuggin' house, and when his voice wavered at the end as he held back cries, all was redeemed.

The Boring

John Mayer was, as usual, rather flat and egotistical. Somehow he still manages to be tragically sexy. But compared to the rest? Snore city, my friend.

Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson. Not a lot goin' on here. The KFC story was charming, sure. I mean, they are basketball players. I guess I wasn't really expecting genius.

Mariah Carey. What can I say? Evidently, I never drank the Kool-Aid. I just don't get it.

The epic rendition of We Are the World was just, well, a little too epic. I'm sure if I’d been there, it would have been awesome. I suppose you can capture that power on celluloid without it seeming hokey.

We all have different ways of honoring Michael Jackson’s life. His postdeath record sales have broken records. YouTube will get zillions of hits on his music videos, TV and radio will continue to flood with MJ masterpieces. My contribution? I think I'll learn the Moonwalk.

Sophia Ulmer is a creative writing major at Columbia College in Chicago. When she's not writing for CrabbyGolightly, she's stirring things up at her cooking blog, feckinfranchtoast.blogspot.com