Meanwhile, while People quotes Bradley Cooper as saying of Aniston, "She's a friend of mine. Simply, simply, just a friend," Us Weekly counters that the two are "definitely dating."

"She's waiting to see how he plays his cards,'' a "source tells the tab. " But she's wanted him for a while."

We feel sure that regardless of what's true, the next tab story will continue the thread that Jen's unlucky in love.

TV's Jon & Kate continue to be big news even in the death throes of their marriage. Despite widespread disdain for Kate on the web's comment boards, she's the classy one in this post-breakup. Meanwhile, Jon proves to really be like her ninth child as he jet-sets to St. Tropez with 22-year-old skank Hailey Glassman, who's father did Kate's tummy tuck in 2006 for "free" (that's code for publicity). Purportedly the new couple are talking about "developing a clothing line" with Ed Hardy designer Christian Audigier. (That's code for him using them for the publicity.)

The tabs are all atwitter about Hailey's checkered past, her bust for marijuana possession and racy Facebook pics. And Us Weekly quotes a friend saying "there was a rumor in high school that her dad gave her breast implants." But with a plastic surgeon as father, here's my question: why hasn't he done her nose?

There was much less Michael Jackson tabloid news this week. But this week's story arc was conspiracy theories and "What happens the children?"

The National Enquirer claims there is missing video of MJ's bedroom death scene. "Insiders close to the investigation say Michael's death -- possibly his murder -- was captured on camera, but the video has not been recovered." Hmmm. we feel sure that if such video exists it's only a matter of time before it surfaces on YouTube, or is repackaged as "Moments in Michael's Life" by TimeLife and sold for $29.99.

The Enquirer also quotes police sources as saying "there are holes" in Dr. Conrad Murray's story, "including his claim that he didn't use his own cell phone to call for help" because he didn't know Michael's address.

"Detectives think that this is ridiculous because he had been living in the house for weeks." And there's more! "Police think there were massive efforts to 'sanitize' the death scene before 911 was called. More than one individual may have been involved."

In other MJ news, the Star reports that Michael's "secret diary" shows he had plans to adopt another daughter and wanted plastic surgery for "more prominent cheekbones."

Ok Weekly reports Michael's three kids have come to consider his sister Janet as a mother figure. "They just melt into her arms when she walks into the house,'' the mag toots. "Janet has completely bonded with those children in the last two weeks. She has been their rock." We are happy that someone is looking out for the kids, although we are wary after Janet pushed Paris toward the microphone during her dad's memorial.

There's a twist to the "Love Story" between Farrah Fawcettand Ryan O'Neal with InTouch reporting that Ryan was toodling with Farrah's best friend Alana Stewart even as the Angel lay dying and the mag has some pics to back the charges up.

"They were sharing a room together,'' Javier Salazar, a hired companion for the couple's son Redmon, told the tab. "Ryan and Alan's relationship was fishy.'' He also sayd that Ryan "treated her terribly and put her down. It was so sad. She was the most beautiful thing. "

Ryan's son Griffin says he was using Farrah for her money and fame. "There was no cuddling or loving. He didn't deserve to be around her,' he said.

And in more fallen Angels news, Star reports that the "level-headed" angel Kate Jackson has become a "crazy recluse" living in squalor in her $2 million Santa Monica home. "It stank in there because there was so much garbage everywhere," a hired hand told the tab, "from old coffee cups and leftover fast food to mildewed self-help book sand juice-stained unpaid bills. We had to load a dozen boxes full junk before we could even get to her bedroom." The mover says that there were pill bottles everywhere, the fallen star's eyes were yellowed and she was ranting about how Angels' producer Aaron Spelling destroyed her life. Another TV heroine bites the figurative dust.

Enquirer reports that Oprah treated her staff to an "X-rated cruise -- couples having sex on deck & and a drunk naked guy" on the Mediterranean!

Of the naked guy, a source tells the tab, "He was found passed out -- nude -- on a couch on the first night." Her beard of a beau Stedman Graham was nowhere to be seen.

Surely there were video cameras to capture the hijinks? Because, with her new network soon debuting, we feel sure that Oprah hiccup, every burp, every fart, every smackdown will be grist for the mill!