THE WEDDING SEASON
A Bride's Guide To Wedding Guides
SCREEN SIREN MEGAN FOX RECENTLY CONFIDED TO THE WORLD THAT SHE IS "not the marrying type.
"I know people will say, 'Why are you engaged if you're not the marrying type?' I am impulsive and I love my boyfriend," she told Extra!, "but I have no plans of getting married any time soon."
I can totally relate. I've never thought much of marriage, dismissing it as something weak-minded people did, a silly security blanket for traditional types. It's not that I'm a commitment-phobe. I just wondered why people felt the need to make it legal. Why not just hang out with someone for your life and then squeeze out a couple of wee ones if you so choose?
However, as I am never one to turn down a bitchin' party, I mourned what I assumed would be a lack of wedding in my life, settling in my mind for a "love party," i.e. an open bar to celebrate commitment to another. No paperwork or Jesus involved.
Alas, when a 6'3" hazel-eyed sex machine with white-picket fence aspirations popped the ol' question, I caved. I am in love, and knew marriage was important to him. Looks like there will be no love party for me after all, but a bonafide wedding.
Naturally, though we don't have a date set and I insist on waiting for a few years, I have begun planning. I employ the guidance of everything: websites, books, magazines, the whole she-bang. It's become an addiction.
Here is a biased and tragically incomplete list of the best and worst wedding planning tools:
Websites
Brides.com, I heart you. I love you for your infinite thumbnail images of dresses, flowers, hairstyles, décor, invites, food. And the way you save all of the images I "clip" really pumps my nads. If this whole thing with Zach doesn't work out, maybe you and I could, you know…
www.GreatGreenWedding.com is great for the eco-conscious bride like myself. Though not exhaustive in its content, it does have great little snippets of ideas and products. And LINKS.
Kvetch.IndieBride.com: This is a stupendous message board for brides-to-be. No frills, just fuckin' awesome.
Etsy.com: I have a professor whose wedding was totally Etsy-driven. A fantastic resource for people who want to support independent artisans, find restored vintage gowns, and have a gorgeous one-of-a-kind celebration.
Magazines
Martha Stewart Weddings: As much of a boner-killer as she is, I totally cream my effin' jeans whenever I open her magazine. It features great DIY ideas, tasteful advice columns, and that special touch that is exclusively Martha.Brides: Following in suit with the website, Brides magazine can’t fail.
The Knot: Also a stand-by publication, each issue of The Knot reads like an instruction manual, perfect for shot-gun weddings and brides who want to keep it simple. I also hear really impressive things about the website, but won’t become a member until my own day is a little bit closer. At first glance, it is very practical. So practical, in fact, that my flighty ass doesn’t need it yet.
Inside Weddings: Oh Mylanta, this magazine is gorgeous! If only I could afford anything in it. Sigh…It does serve, however, as a source of creative inspiration. Now how can I replicate those $500 centerpieces with duct tape and chicken-wire?
Books
Anti-Bride Guide and Anti-Bride Wedding Planner: If you are getting married, even if you're a "pro-bride," YOU MUST MUST MUST GET THESE BOOKS. I buy copies as engagement gifts more often than I like to admit. So, so useful. And the best part is that, while thumbing through, you are constantly reminded that you don't have to wear a veil that looks like it's from a horror film; nor must you outfit your wedding party in matching shower curtains. And if you want a trough of bread pudding in lieu of a wedding cake (my and Zach's every fantasy), go for it!
Eco-Chic Weddings: A nice, compact guide to planning "an environmentally friendly, socially responsible, affordable, and stylish celebration." Sold.
The Losers
RedEye: I was feeling hungover on the subway platform on Wednesday, and Garth’s sage advice, “If you’re gonna spew, spew into this,” echoed in my mind. I reach for a copy of the Chicago Tribune's RedEye in case I needed something to spew onto, and the cover story caught my glance. "Cheap Vows: More Chicago couples are saying 'I do' to DIY budget weddings." I tore into it, trying to find the article. I was more than annoyed to find that the featured couple had a $35,000 wedding budget? Suck it, RedEye. Last time I refer to the likes of you for any wedding advice.
InStyle Weddings: A big YAWN.
WeddingStar: The tease: a great cover, tasteful matte pages, and heavy, as if full of useful information. The reality: a fucking catalog. Useful, I guess, but also incredibly boring.
My Very Own Personal Tips For You
It's all about the color scheme, baby. But can't decide? Go to a hardware or paint store and swipe stacks of the swatches. You can choose your hues and pair them side-by-side with complementing shades.
Get a notebook. It doesn't have to be fancy, acid-free or leather bound. On the left-hand page, write a few key words, a few sentences describing your ideal wedding. Conceal your writing, flip it over, and hand it to your fiancé(e), having him/her do the same. Compare. Zach and I both ended up with words like "earthy," "rural," and "green." There’s our theme. For the rest of the notebook, reserve a page or two for each wedding component -- invites, guest list, vows, budget, etc. -- and write down everything. Guard that notebook with your life; it's more valuable (and waay cheaper) than any wedding planner.
Don't bury yourself in resources. Give your groovy mom a call. Watch "Best in Show" with your dog on your lap. Slurp some gin and tonics with your friends. Go on fun dates with your betrothed and have yo'self some sex, lots and lots of kinky jive. You'll go crazy if you don't.
Sophia Ulmer, a creative writing major at Columbia College in Chicago, will write on weddings every Saturday through June. When she's not writing for CrabbyGolightly, she's stirring things up at her cooking blog, feckinfranchtoast.blogspot.com
