BILE IN SHORT
Monday's Tabloid Trash Talk
Brit Hooks Up With Only Man Allowed Near Her! Stephanie Pratt Shares Diet Secrets! And Kirstie Alley Falls For Hostess Cupcakes
OKAY CATS AND KITTENS, HERE'S A QUICK RUNDOWN OF THIS WEEK'S TABLOID HEADLINES. Sorry it's not longer but I'm outta here for a few days. I travel. So what? I'm a popular girl!
This week the National Enquirer has the un-shocking and unflattering photos of Fat Kirstie Alley. The headline says that she collapsed because of her weight but there's no collapse in the story. That doesn't make her less fat though. She is uncomfortably large, especially in comparison to her "then" photo in which she looks more like Renee Russo than even her Cheers-y glamorous self. Personally, I prefer my Kirstie Alley in Vulcan ears but that's probably just me.
So, the lady likes to eat. Big deal. Well, BIG deal is more like it. Here are the foods mentioned as some of Alley's favorites:
* Sticky buns;
* Cheesecake;
* Pan-fried noodles;
* Orange chicken;
* Fried rice;
* Potato chips;
* Hostess cupcakes.
Mmmmmh is anyone else hungry? So now she's fat AND sad, but still really funny, even at her own expense. Isn't there a role for the funny, fat friend that Queen Latifa or Frangela hasn't taken yet?
On the other end of the body issue spectrum we have Stephanie Pratt on the cover of US. She claims that being on The Hills made her bulimic. That's sorta funny because watching The Hills makes me vomit! Stars, they really are just like us!
According to the article, the pressure of being renowned as She-Pratt (being the sister of Spencer "King of the Douchebags" Pratt) was just too much for Stephanie so she decided to drop weight like every other girl in LA, binging and purging!
Looking at this photo of her with the other Hills girls I can see how she might feel like a giant heifer next to these twigs. But I have absolutely no pity for Stephanie who, when told by a psychiatrist that she should leave the show for her mental health, refused because she loves The Hills! What is there to love? Not a single, genuine moment happens on that show. Do I smell a setup for an intervention cross over????
Speaking of interventions, Britney Spears is heading down the wedding aisle again. Or, so says Star Magazine. Despite her dad's tight leash -- or maybe because of it? -- Britney has made a love connection with her agent! The 27-year-old pop star and Jason Trawick, 37, have been doing things like frolicking on the beach, going to basketball games and hanging out in Las Vegas. Oh, and also he's part of her management team.
Well, he looks a little less like a scumbag then her last two husbands did and, according to the article, he’s already agreed to sign a pre-nuptial agreement so he can't be all that bad. But, if his idea of parenting is limited to "making [the boys] peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ice cream sundaes" those kids do not stand a Hostess Sno Ball’s chance in Kristie Alley's fridge of making it out of childhood. As always with Brit-Brit, only time will tell where the story line is going, but she's already planning her "fairy tale" wedding with this guy. How many fairy tales is she gonna get anyway?
OK! is still trying to make us care about Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson. There is absolutely nothing new about how the two Twilight stars are pining for each other as they spend their summer a part working on separate projects. Text messages, mysterious phone calls at all hours…no one knows if they are calling each other -- but who cares! The only noteworthy information in here is that Dakota Fanning is dived into this whole mess by unofficially declaring herself for Team Rob. Sorry, long time boyfriend Michael Angarano, but everyone's favorite precocious child star thinks Kristin would be better off with "funny" Rob. Take a hike.
Vegas is a gambler who always loses money on craps. She spends her time in Chicago with her husband, two cats and various artistic endeavors which are beginning to take up way too much space in her house and hard drive. Visit her blog at jensaysanything.blogspot.com.
