THE WEDDING SEASON
Forever Seems A Long Time When Uttering "Til Death Do Us Part"
I'LL NEVER FORGET WHAT ZACH'S SISTER-IN-LAW TOLD ME after she and his brother tied the knot in Fiji last year.
"Those are some powerful words," she said as we thumbed through photos of them reciting their vows on a beach. "You don't realize it until you're there, but oh my God. That is the most serious set of words you'll ever say."
I shrugged it off. I'm a writer; every set of words seems life changing.
Recently though, as I'm being pelted with wedding after wedding, I think I'm beginning to understand.
"Until death do us part?" Shit! Goddamn! WOW.
For the most serious set of words you'll ever say, you'd think more couples would opt out of the stock option. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, blah blah blah. Until death do us part…
Alternately, at a friend's May wedding, the bride and groom said: "…for all the days of my life," which sounded far less morbid and infinitely more celebratory.
My friends Christa and Phil wrote their own vows. The woman who married them spoke in a charming British accent. And even though she wrote the words, Christa had to request that the officiant read them slower so she could remember enough to repeat them.
If you choose to write your own vows, I suggest watching the wedding scene from Night at the Roxbury as an example of what not to do: No rhyming, and no conclusions that involve pre-marital fucking.
At another friend's wedding this year, the bride and groom actually included a bit about the man "leading" the marriage and the woman "serving" him. That raised a lot of liberal eyebrows at the service. I looked at Zach and shook my head as if to say "not in a million years," and he nodded knowingly.
I will write my own vows. So will Zach. It seems that the most important words you'll ever utter should be of your own creation.
There's an Emily Dickinson quote that gives me chills. Zach has a proverbial hard-on for this certain Bible passage. And no one knows him like I do; no one knows me like he does. Reciting recycled vows would be like trying to force a huge goofy awkward heart-shaped peg into a tiny square hole. Not gonna happen, folks.
Though I know what I want to say, I have no clue how to say it, and am scared shitless. It's like 20 Crabby columns and 12 term papers and five application essays to graduate school. Wish me luck.
I'm still considering ripping off the minister from The Princess Bride and swapping my "r"s with "w"s.
Sophia Ulmer, a creative writing major at Columbia College in Chicago, will write on weddings every Saturday through June. When she's not writing for CrabbyGolightly, she's stirring things up at her cooking blog, feckinfranchtoast.blogspot.com
