7. Ali Hewson. Okay, she's not a celebrity in her own right. But Bono's partner of 34 years surely must have a lot going on upstairs to keep one of the world's most earnest megalomaniacs grounded. The couple began dating in 1975, and Ali took care of Paul Hewson emotionally after his mother died. Together the couple have four children. Whenever I read any interviews of her, she seems to know she really holds the power. I wouldn't mind a regular glimpse into such a self-possessed soul.


6. Paul Rudd. Entertainment Weekly’s Dave Karger captures the wide appeal of everybody's favorite everyman. Among some choice quotes from a recent feature of I Love You, Man! star: "I've always felt like I'm the kind of actor that some people might recognize, but they probably don't know my name." And, "I don't have a big drive to be 'the guy.'" And, "I always thought I'd be a really good gay guy. I love American Idol." As EW exclaims, "He's not beggin' for love, so we wanna give it to him even more." He’s a star and all, but he's not rubbing it in your face. How can we not like that?


5. Jon Malkovich. By many accounts unpredictable both on and off stage. When once asked the odd question of whom he'd most like to "fight to the death," Malkovich responded that he’d "rather just shoot" Tom Cruise, along with one particular journalist and a British MP. According to Wikipedia, Malkovich is a self-described libertarian who once said, "I'm a Christopher Hitchens fan myself, but no one has thinner skins than journalists, in my experience, and I come from a family of them… They can dish it out but they can't take it.” I say he sounds Twitterific, clearly able to spew in 140-character bites.


4. Christopher Walken. But, of course, you are saying smugly that he is already on Twitter. You are correct, an oversight I felt compelled to apologize for on Twitter this very morning. Because Christopher Walken is a bonafide actor who belonged in yesterday's story, not some phoney baloney from La La Land. (Okay, maybe he is, but in my mind he isn't.) Notoriously disdainful of blood and dark movies, Crabby went to see Deer Hunter three times in her youth, in part because of its mesmerizing performances; in part because the story takes places in my beloved rusted Pennsylvania. But that was only the beginning for Walken, and we soon all learned that he was capable of anything: tap dancing, comedy, producing music videos. Now Mr. Walken entertains us via droll witticisms on Twitter. "An associate told me that he'd been cheating on his wife. He asked me not to talk about it and I probably won't. Unless it comes up somehow,” he muses. And another: "Secretary of Ironic Scarves." I don't know if Obama read my letter but I hope so. Ashton Kutcher deserves this. So does California." Gems, every one.


3. Whoopi Goldberg. There is no pretense about Whoopi; what you see is what you get. You got a problem with her dreadlocks? That's your problem. Her clothes? Keep it to yourself. That's what TV Guide writer Ingela Ratledge recently learned when she dissed Whoopi's Oscar outfit as looking like she was "ready to make a run to (discount store) Costco." Ouch! But Whoopi's got a bigger stage, and on last week’s View, she pointedly said, "My style, who I am, is not about my clothing. If I came out in a bag, I would still and always will be me, so you can kiss my ass." And to another critic, she said, "I don't need you to take me seriously. I am myself, I've always been myself, and you don't judge me by what I wear, you judge me by what I say." Just what Twitter needs: more straight talk for a non-bullshitter.


2. Joaquin Phoenix. I don't know about you, but I'd love to be able to read Joaquin's mind, particularly as he morphs his public persona from A-list actor to hip-hop artist-turned-national-joke. If the career switch is not a gimmick, then any tweets from him might shed light on his true state of mind. And if it's all a big gimmick, then Twitter would be the ideal tool with which to perpetuate his scheme. I can imagine him RTing back and forth with iamdiddy, throwing verbal punches over who's got more street cred and the benefits of autotune. Joaquin, are you ready to tweet?


1. Robert Downey Jr. This man has lived six or seven lifetimes over the last 20 years and looks better than ever. He never appears to be "acting," except during his last big wink in Tropic Thunder. And I guess when you've rolled in the deep muck you lose any sense of entitlement, and Downey seems to have none. In this year's Newsweek Oscar roundtable, while Brad Pitt puffed that he never googles himself, Downey on the contrary said, "I just love it. Because it’s a hoot. Some people overstate their support. They fell like they know you. Other people …just say some despicable character assassination [in] which I honestly I actually think they nailed it. I do have that shortcoming. It’s fun." And, seriously, don't you wish more celebrities didn't think their shit smelled?