REAL TALK

Deconstructing R. Kelly's Career

By Sophia Ulmer Sophia

Awriting professor opines: "To write well, you must be completely obsessed with your subject." This week, I am obsessed with R. Kelly.

Though his spotlight is dimming, I am fascinated with the progression of his career, which has spanned close to 20 years.
Exhibit A --I feel so freaky to-niiiight! Robert Kelly used to sing songs like Sex Me, a breathy ballad from 1993 which employs phrases like "have no fear, 'cuz ecstasy is near," "unexpected positions, bring it on," and "any secret fantasy?"

And that's just in the first verse. (Hope he lasts longer in real life.)

In keeping true to the early 1990s era, the girls in the video are clad in high-waisted frayed denim shorts with
metal chain belts, midriff-baring tops, and white socks peeking out from lace-up boots. R. Kelly himself sports the most nauseatingly stupendous spandex tank top.

But (disappointingly?) in the later half of the decade, R. Kelly cleaned it up. My theory is that the 1996 song
I Believe I Can Fly was pre-emptive counter-evidence to the
child pornography scandal Kelly got caught in. How can you not trust a man who sings I Believe I Can Fly!

The song serves as a buffer between the public and Kelly's hyper-sexualized singles, and was also a defense after Aaliyah's suspicious 1994 hit
Age Ain’t Nothing but a Number, which Kelly wrote and produced. (It was also rumored that the two were married, but the marriage was annulled after she revealed herself to be a minor.) The blatant fact is R. Kelly likes 'em young, and ever since he was caught (though but not convicted), he's gotten goofier and goofier.

During his show's first season on TV, Dave Chappelle released Piss on You, a scathing mock remix of R. Kelly's work which highlights Kelly’s alleged affinity for the golden shower.

My recent obsession is prompted in part by re-runs of Chappelle's show, but mostly by R. Kelly's YouTube "Behind the Scenes" look at the song
Real Talk. He thinks it's a great song, despite the profanity, because it shows how "real" things get when "you arguin' wit yo girl."

First, a drink and a stogie. Then, a ruffle of his disheveled, half-braided hair and a flourish of his bejeweled sleeve. Finally, an R&B version of an argument with R. Kelly’s "bitch." Is this sheer genius, exploiting YouTube viewers' compulsion to see others do bizarre things? Or is this absolute lunacy: "Real talk?" "The next time yo ass get horny, go fuck onnnne of yo funky-ass friends!" "You gonna burn what? Bitch, I wish you would burn my motha-fuckin clothes!"

Upon his first viewing, my fiancé said, "Wow, he is really going off the deep end.
Real talk." But, in my eyes, Real Talk is just another stanza in the epic poem that is R. Kelly’s life. You make love it, you may hate it, but you're forced to pay attention.

Sophia Ulmer, a creative writing major at Columbia College in Chicago, writes about YouTube for CrabbyGolightly. She enjoys drinking copious amounts of wine, riding her vintage bike, and snuggling with her kitty-cat named Gretta. You can check out her cooking blog at feckinfranchtoast.blogspot.com