INTERNET GOSSIP

Tony Danza Is Dead. Seriously. Not.

By Crabby Golightly

TONY DANZA IS DEAD. OR NOT.

The internet rumor swirling Wednesday was that Tony had fallen off a cliff 60 feet to his death while filming in New Zealand. A freelancer wrote breathlessly to Crabby saying that the 80s TV actor had exited this realm. Hmmm. Why no story on Google?

A quick scan of news sites showed only that the actor's house in Park City, Utah is for rent. Now there's a sales pitch! Rent Dead Actor's Home!

Oh, another discovery: that the star has been accused of allegedly stalked a Staten Island man whom he thought was a relative of the dead crooner Frank Sinatra. For the record, Tony, we do not believe for a New York second that you would ever do something that ridiculous.

Then is always the possibility that Tony just got his ass kicked when he appeared on The Contender, Mark Burnett's boxing reality series, which launched its fourth season earlier this month. But then I think I would have heard about the ass-whipping.

Or maybe this joke has something to do with Twilight and vampires. Because the exact same story was reported two years ago.

Haha, premature obituaries are so fucking funny.