SELLING CELEBRITY

Tabloid Trash Talk

Ho-Ho-Hum! This Week's Tabs Suffer Post-Holiday Blahs, Plead Guilty to Boring!

By Vegas

IT'S THE HOLIDAYS, KIDS, AND I AM TOO BLOATED ON RICH FOODS AND CHEAP WINE to really give a figgy pudding about what The Celebrities are up to. Luckily the editors of the tabloid weeklies feel the same way. There’s enough unsubstantiated filler in these mags to stuff a turducken, so here's an abbreviated rundown.

IN TOUCH Weekly

On The Cover: “Katie Looks Pregnant!” Inside, Some random members of the audience of All My Sons tell reporters that Katie looks pregnant. That’s pretty much all they’ve got. There are some fun photos of Katie’s last pregnancy. Oh we all can be sure that the mysterious, disappearing vagaries of the much-rumored baby bump will be recycled in the near-too future again!

Up next: Brad and Angelina are adopting another baby and skipping back to southern France. Everyone is worried that Brad can’t cope with more kids. Maybe all of that room in the French mansion will help.

In Touch reports that Britney secretly suffers stage fright. She’s got anti-anxiety meds to take before performances. Remember this information; it will come in handy later.

And J-Lo is treating herself to retail therapy as reports of her marriage collapsing keep coming. The latest tab is alleged to $95,000, that’s a lot of very shiny, sparkly therapy. But she'd probably get more out of the traditional kind where they make you sit down and face your own shit. Much cheapter too!

And this had me knee-slapping! Tila Tequila calls Natalie Portman her role model. Because, she says (heh heh) Natalie Portman reminds her of herself (Muah ha ha ha ha ha.) Because she has so much class and good breeding. But I guess it'd be redundant to mention the idea of regular therapy for a second time in the same post.

Read the full story here!

Vegas is a gambler who always loses money on craps. She spends her time Chicago with her husband, two cats and various artistic endeavors which are beginning to take up way too much space in her house and hard drive. She blogs at jensaysanything.blogspot.com.