Scientists Confirm It: Angelina Jolie is a Trollop

 

AS "WONDERFULHUMAN161-B" SUCCINCTLY PUT IT ON THE COMMENT BOARD of the New York Daily News: "HELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO DOE EYED GIRLS."

In an apparently poorly designed study to ascertain who's in the mood for love versus who's just randy, social scientists in the U.K. concluded like poets and playboys that the answer is in the eyes.

In the study reported by Reuters, scientists at three U.K. universities said women believed ready for a roll in the sack were considered more attractive by men. And men with strong jaws, larger noses and smaller eyes were perceived as more lustful and less suitable for marriage than men with softer features.

Randy women on the other hand, according to Reuters, "tended to have wide eyes and large lips, such as the actress Angelina Jolie." But Ang is in good company: the New York Daily News tags Lindsay Lohan and Charlize Theron with eyes that invite casual sex. I'm sure if I kept looking someone would have fingered Britney for having slutty eyes. Whatever.

It's not quite clear if the scientists themselves concluded that Ang and Lindsay and Charlize were apt examples of the sexually ready female. For that answer we'd have to get the recent issue of the journal, "Evolution and Human Behavior," which reports on the study of 700 "heterosexuals."

One part of the study found that "72 percent of the 153 participants correctly identified the sexual attitues of a group of men and women in their 20s after being shown photographs of facial images." We presume those stats are straight from a release because every article says the same thing. Why no mention of the results involving the 547 other subjects?

And though every report is accompanied by photos of subjects alleging to display sexual readiness or the love state, it seems obvious the comparisons are between the same person. Which begs this question: How did the "scientists" provoke love or lust on their subjects' faces? Did they show them dirty pictures of naked people entwined in a love match? Did they show them photos of average Joes and Jolines, followed by beauties and ask: who would you rather screw?

Look closely at the photos provided, and you can see the eyes of subjects in lustful states are more focused, alert and shiny. That's my conclusion, as well as this: news reporting has gone to pot.