Sophie's Final Gift: A Penthouse for Oprah's "Best Friend"

 

WE PRESUME THAT IN HER LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT, OPRAH'S DOG SOPHIE BESTOWED A SMALL FORTUNE TO HER STEPMOM GAYLE KING as only days before the cocker spaniel's recent death Oprah's BFF closed on a swanky $7.1 million Manhattan apartment in the name of "Sophie's Penthouse LLC."

We're guessing that Sophie thought of the gift as a little something that Gayle could call her own; after all, it must be hard keeping the perpetual smile's paint fresh when you're best friends with the world's most entitled woman. How do you stay on her good side but by pretending all the time? Can you tell your rich BFF that she's having a bad hair day, her skirt's too tight, her breath stinks? After all, this is not a relationship based on parity. Sophie probably wanted to buy Gayle a little freedom to call her own, let her drop her game face some times.

Wags reported last week that a deed was filed in New York citing "Sophie's Penthouse LLC" as the owner of the 57th Street penthouse. The gossip site TMZ, has posted the document in its entirety here, showing that the contract for the three bedroom spread was signed in California last October 3rd and closed on March 10th. TMZ also has the floor plan of the 2,530 square foot, 36th floor unit for those with spatial skills who want a looksie. And Crabby has found the incorporation papers of Sophie's Penthouse LLC filed in -- big surprise -- Delaware's division of corporations. Delaware is every CEO's favorite state because of the friendly environment it provides corporate entities registered in the state, among them requiring neither owners nor operators to be identified in public records.

Sophie, a black cocker spaniel who died of kidney failure, is one of the only celeb pets to have gotten its own obituary in the news media. This much attention hasn't been paid to the death of a celeb's pet since George Clooney's pig Max died. But we can all feel better that Gayle and Oprah will be a little closer to Sophie in that penthouse in the sky.

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March 30, 2008

If All H.R. Departments Were Like This, I'd Be Employable

 

COMMUNICATING SUCCESSFULLY SEEMS LIKE AN EASY THING: you open your mouth and out pours the auditory consequence of synapses connecting. But if you think this, you are wrong. Good communication depends on one's personal definition. Why say, "You make me angry" when "Fuck you!" will do. In the former example, this would be considered "good communication" because of the less provocative way in which the speaker delivers a message. But literary types would prefer the latter usage as it is shorter, more direct and delivers an unambiguous message. As a journalist, I was always taught that pithy was better.

In this vein, the much-to-be-admired blog, The Modern Gal, shares with us a priviledged document from the HR Department of some unnamed company here. The document shows that the company is lobbying for less direct communication in the workplace in an effort to prevent fisticuffs, yet all the while displaying a sense of humor. Um, Miss Modern, can I get the name of that company? I want to submit an application.

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March 28, 2008

Shocking! LeBron James is Large Black Dude; Gisele Bundchen is Whispy White Girl

 

YOU WOULD THINK VOGUE was advocating kidnapping white girls the way some people are atwitter about its current cover with NBA star LeBron James looking fierce with his arm wrapped around the waist of the arm candy known as Gisele Bundchen. Might we be overthinking this?

Some people say the cover shot by famed photog Annie Liebovitz reminds them of King Kong with Fay Wray clutched in his monstrous arms. And if we were Barack Obama's grandmother, I'm sure if we were standing on a street corner that we'd be frightened seeing the strapping LeBron lurching toward us. Then again, I'd feel the same way about any good-looking white dude. I'm old enough to know about sociopaths and Ted Bundy.

As for Gisele, well, I'd like to bitch-slap the twig. And not because she's promoting stereotypes on Vogue's cover. First there's that body; second, she has has dreamy Leo DiCaprio whisper secrets into her ears and slip other body parts into her snatch; third, now she's shacking up with the Superbowl Pinup Tom Brady. Yea, she should definitely be ashamed of herself promoting such potent sexuality.

Some people are wise enough to recognize when a beautiful cover is just a beautiful cover. Here's a plea from Crabby: Can we stop looking for racist intent under every rock? There's enough real examples staring us in the face. Just look at drug convictions, prison sentences, and the current presidential campaign.

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That's Incredible! Strange Ties in a Shrinking World

 

I CAN SEE THE HEADLINES NOW: "BARACK OBAMA DESTINED TO BECOME PRESIDENT," is cousin to six previous U.S. heads of state. Or so say researchers at the New England Historic Genealogical Society, who claim that Obama is distantly related to George W. Bush, his father George Sr., Gerald Ford, Lyndon Johnson, Harry S. Truman and James Madison.

Not exactly the cream of the presidential crop, Truman excepted. And too bad for Barack that there's no Lincoln tie-in. His supporters would be howling at the moon about his manifest destiny. Also, does it hurt his label as the "most liberal" U.S. Senator to learn that Hillary Clinton can claim beatnik writer Jack Kerouac, mistress-in-waiting Camilla Parker-Bowles, and singers Madonna and Alanis Morissette as distant family? Seems like the "left" mantle rightly belongs to Hillary now, possibly bolstering her support among the far-lefties.

The sexiest findings, at least according to media coverage, is that Obama and that hunka hunka Brad Pitt are related, and in another twist, so are his lady love Angelina Jolie and Hillary Clinton. I can see the similarity between Angie and Hillary: both are so "fierce," as Project Runway's latest winner likes to say.

The world never seems smaller than when I look at the flat Earth on Google's analytics page, a tool used by many bloggers to see who's reading. Those famed "six degrees of separation" surely have shrunken to five in these times of lightning strike communications and genetic testing.

I'm giddy, dizzy, imagining the potential familial relationships soon to be revealed. Just think of what we'll read in the future:

News Flash! The "girl with the magic vagina" distantly related to famed trickster Harry Houdini, eccentric Vegas illusionists Penn and Teller.

Lady killer! George Clooney reveals he's a cousin nine times removed from England's King Henry the Eighth, yet still keeps his head about him.

Twins Separated at Birth! Talk-show hosts Oprah Winfrey and Star Jones Reynolds discover they are long-lost sisters, bicker over who's double helix design is worth more to tabloids.

Can you think of stranger pairings? Send them to me with your name and city and I'll print them in an upcoming post. Can't wait to read all about them.

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March 26, 2008

Get Even With Corporate Bullies: Videotape them with Cellphones

 

T HE ONE REGRET I HAVE ABOUT LEAVING THE EMPLOY OF THE DAILY SOUTHERN NEWSPAPER where I worked as a reporter was I didn't deliver a pie in the face of a bullying editor who had ruined me socially at the organization. Or, okay, if you want me to take the blame, made me so neurotic that I ruined myself. There was no one person, peer, supervisor who was willing to stick a neck out for me, and I was neither a Southerner nor one of the Ivy Leaguers who had just been brought in by the new bosses from New York. So I did what any person would do without alliances: I withered and then developed the biggest chip on my shoulder that I can still work up a rant about the place. The creep turned me into a pariah that no one risked talking to out of the fear that being a target was contagious. And he made the next big jerk I met at work, a woman named Dana, seem petty and narcissistic by example.

Bullies are in every level of society and the workplace is where the biggest ones get their kicks as adults. And frankly I don't know what much there is to do about them. But venting helps, and yesterday the New York Times invited readers to leave comments about bullying in the workplace, and today follows that up with an article on the emotional toll that bullying takes on the target. It's nice to see the topic taken seriously, but that doesn't mean your company will. There's lots of support on the web though. One site you can check out is www.mybossstinks.com, where they link to tips on dealing with bad bosses. My suggestion: keep a voice-activated tape recorder around you whenever you're near the bum who's bothering you. Or have someone nearby videotape the creep with their cellphone. The only thing that is indisputable is direct evidence.

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March 25, 2008

Oprah Misses Chance to Demonstrate "Healing Hands," Gets Sued Instead

 

A MIRACLE COULD HAVE BEEN WITNESSED BY HER FLOCK, BUT INSTEAD OPRAH WINFREY is being sued by an Opraphile who was knocked down by stampeding worshippers at a December, 2006 show.

Orit Greenberg of Illinois is seeking $50,00 in damages after she allegedly was pushed down a flight of stairs by zealous fans who were told to sit wherever they wanted in the studio audience. As a result, Greenberg claims she received "severe and permanent" injuries and contends the crowd was not properly controlled by Harpo Studios staff.

One would think that Oprah would have simply walked over, laid her hands on the slumped fan and healed her with her magical touch. Such a lost opportunity for America's demigod. Surely the talk show know-it-all will silently cut Greenberg a check for the amount she's requesting - $50,000 -- which is a pittance of Oprah's worth. Forbes estimates Winfrey brings in $260 million annually, which means that her wealth ticks upward $24,680 every hour she breathes. The production company declined to comment on Greenberg's allegations.

And more bad news for Harpo but new opportunity for the public to see what goes on behind the Harpo curtain: Darlene Tracy, a Massachusettes mother of four, claims that the Oprah Show stole an idea she pitched to the show's executive produce, Ellen Rakieten, entitled The Philanthropist.

Tracy claims the show contacted her for more information but then brushed her off saying they would use their own ideas. Fast-forward three years later and Winfrey is now airing a twisted version of altruism on a sponsor-ladened surreality TV show called The Big Give. .“I am the architect of that show and its framework has been stolen,” Tracy told the Boston Herald. Can't wait to see how this sideshow ends.

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March 24, 2008

The Sad Truth About Obama: He was Forced to Choose a 'Side'

 

HISTORY WILL RECOGNIZE BARACK OBAMA AS, IF NOT AS THE FIRST African-American president, then surely the first politician for whom it was safe to address the perpetual suspicions and resentments between blacks and whites. Despite their loyalties to the black community, Hillary and Bill have nothing on Obama in this topic, for the black man who would be president has the advantage of being biracial.

Obama's upbringing is both his lore and allure: he was born to a white woman and a black African, abandoned at two by his Harvard-bound father, raised by his mother and grandparents in Hawaii, and later moved to Jakarta, where he lived with his mother and Indonesian stepfather. That spice of his life, combined with the bland rectitude of having graduated from Columbia University and Harvard Law School, make him what some have called a "Rorschach Test" for Democratic voters. They can project whatever they want on this candidate. And in his beautifully written and masterfully delivered speech on race this week, Obama proved that he sees from both sides of the divide. We witnessed his expression of an imperfect love of a minister who delivers racial rants, and of a white grandmother who fears groups of black men. And while some have rightly pointed out that Obama could not choose his grandmother, Obama's admissions gives us all permission to express our own deep-seated anxieties, resentments and puzzlement over our misgivings about "race." And though the media could have begun this debate, and the healing decades ago,(it was too busy cowering in fear of "black anger,") this is safe territory for Obama, because he is both white and black.

Frankly, I think it's naive for white Americans to think that blacks should by now be liberated from seething anger over racism. Though it's been nearly 150 years since the Emancipation Proclamation was passed, it's been mere decades since blacks where threatened for daring to go to school, drink from public water fountains, ride in the front of a bus. Martin Luther King's "dream deeply rooted in the American dream" has come a long way since President Lyndon B. Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964. But that vision has not yet materialized for every person of color, and today it's slipping away from millions of middle class blacks, whites, Latinos and Asians.

Yet self-loathing has also scorched black communities, leaving many children fatherless, indifferent to education, and too-willing to surrender to hopelessness. And too many demagogues are only too eager to blame historic racism on African Americans' current woes without holding up the mirror. It is for these reasons that whites smolder silently.

Obama knows both these scenarios. Perhaps it's because he did not choose his grandmother, could not lose her, needed her, that Obama learned that the flaws in our loved ones do not really matter. Because he ultimately did choose the Rev. Jeremiah Wright during his "odyssey" to find his racial identity. "On the streets of the South Side, where the Black Panther movement, Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, and the Rev. Jesse Jackson flowered, Obama was mocked as a dispossessed newcomer who failed to grasp the historical urgency of the black struggle. "The white man in blackface," a political rival once called him," writes the Boston Globe's Scott Helman.

Would Obama have had a political future if he had not planted grass roots in the black community? I suspect not. He could have walked out of Rev. Wright's racist sermons, he could have chosen a different path, a different church. He, more than most, knew a fuller truth. But in America, biracials are forced to choose sides. Their world can be a lonely place if they fail to do so. And that truth is no different for one so blessed and talented as Barack Obama.

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March 20, 2008

The Double Standards of Race-baiting

 

THE MEDIA KEEPS DENYING THAT IT HAS used different yardsticks when judging the candidacies of Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama. Just yesterday I saw MSNBC's Courtney Hazlett on Joe Scarborough's morning program discussing Saturday Night Live's recent skits of a slavish press fawning over Senator Obama. Hazlett reported that Michael Lorne denies SNL is endorsing Clinton as president, but expressed her own view that the skits prove otherwise. Yet Lorne rejected the criticism in a New York Times interview. "That obviously is not the case,'' he told Bill Carter. "We don't lay down for anybody.” He said most of the show's writers are Obama supporters, but that the show's skits had touched on a truth that the media was denying.

Crabby concurs. Just take the example of the recent firestorm provoked when Geraldine Ferraro was quoted in a newspaper saying, "If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is.” By which she meant that Obama would have been eliminated from the presidential primary because of his mealy-mouthed voting record in the Illinois legislature, his mischaracterizations about his stance against the Iraq War, and his alliances with shady characters and bad influences were he not such a handsome, charming, and Ivy-educated black man.

But words to such effect are not allowed in our racially-sensitized national dialogue. There have been shout-outs by numerous news organizations for Ferraro to apologize for her "racist remark," a request she has so far adamantly refused. But so far there has been little outcry from the mainstream media about Obama's two decade affiliation with Jeremiah Wright, a minister whose words harbor more overt racism than those uttered by Ferraro. Even the New York Times cloaks itself from this breaking controversy but nevertheless old affiliation with an opening sentence fingering other media's coverage of the story. Check this morning's Google news, and you'll find more than 4,000 stories indexed on the Ferraro brouhaha, but at last count only 60 on the Obama-Wright alliance. Does this not just prove Ferraro's point? Do those numbers in themselves validate the media's bias?

Much ado was made when Bill Clinton called Obama's anti-war stance a "fairy tale," and for having the audacity to say South Carolina's primary win for Obama was a no-brainer given the state's heavy African American vote. But the outrage was muffled when Jesse Jackson Jr. mocked Hillary Clinton for crying over her hair but not for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. The imbalance proves once again the media's timidity in dealing with racial issues. But until it is able to tackle the uncomfortable truths about the differing standards of race from all sides of the debate, racial resentments will continue to simmer just beneath the surface, to occasionally boil over into riots, protests or the "Bradley Effect."

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March 14, 2008

Eliot Spitzer, Fallen Hero of the People

 

THE DOWNFALL OF New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer leaves me saddened, and I'm a long way away from the Empire State. He was supposed to be the upholder of truth, justice and the American way, just like Superman and all the other G-Men and women. And not because I think prostitution is worthy of the resources of federal investigators. I don't. Aren't there bigger crimes with bigger fish to catch?

But that is not to say that Spitzer hasn't let the little people down.

He was supposed to be above all the rest. He was the capeless crusader, a Manhattan district attorney who launched "a successful investigation that brought down the Gambino family's control over Manhattan's garment and trucking industry." In 1998, he became the state's attorney general, tackling, and here I copy verbatim from Wikipedia, "corporate white collar crime, securities fraud, internet fraud and environmental protection. He most notably pursued cases against companies involved in computer chip price fixing, investment bank stock price inflation, and the 2003 mutual fund scandal. He also sued Richard Grasso, the then-chairman of the New York Stock Exchange, who he claimed had violated his position after receiving an upwards of $140 million as a deferred compensation pay package."

He was, in essence, a real hero of the people. In the Bush era, who else was looking after the interests of ordinary citizens and not the powerbrokers? From afar, it seemed Spitzer was the one high-profile government official sending notice that the law applied no matter how much your bank account was worth. And because he seemed to really mean it, he made me want to follow the law more closely. And because he wore his mantle of righteousness, and he had a wife and three daughters, he had a duty to try to fulfill it, even if it meant foregoing dalliances with lost girls who sold themselves to the highest bidders.

"I cannot allow for my private failings to disrupt the peoples' work," Spitzer said at a news conference in New York City on Wednesday. "Over the course of my public life, I have insisted - I believe correctly - that people take responsibility for their conduct. I can and will ask no less of myself. For this reason, I am resigning from the office of governor."

You have disappointed us, Governor. The little people needed you.

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March 13, 2008

What? No Dripping Cum? Perez Hilton has Gone To the Dogs

 

MAKE NO MISTAKE, THIS blogging gig is hard work.

You have to read the news indexing websites like MSNBC, the New York Times, and Google to find juicy tidbits that you want to spend time with.

You've got to wade through scores of celebrity blogs to find something, anything, anybody interesting enough to write about. And so much of it is repetitious. Yes, we're shocked! that New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer got caught with his pants down.

Yes, we know that Madonna has been finally inducted in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. (Gosh, that makes her seem so old! The Madonna we knew seemed to care little for such sentimentalities.) That Janet Jackson's called out sick on her Saturday Night Live gig because of the flu. That Britney begins her crawl back to stardom with an appearance on the CBS sitcom "How I Met Your Mother."

But did you know that Perez Hilton has a dog? I was shocked to found out that that beastly boy from L.A. actually cared about any living thing. But then Crabby found herself confronting pictures of the cutest little pup on the trashblog written by the The Queen of All Media. (Does Oprah know he's using her title?) The dog's name is Teddy, he's a mini Goldendoodle, and Perez bought him for his mom's birthday back in October.

Perez introduced him to the world in a slobbery YouTube video back in October, but posted updated pics yesterday on his site because the pooch had just gotten back from the day spa. Because "everyone should go and get gussied up every once in a while,'' Perez muses on a video.

Crabby wonders why Teddy's been spared the embarrassment of having his hair dyed shocking pink, and getting his snaps doctored with either devil horns, angel halo, or cum spilling from his poochy mouth.

Seems Mario has a soft spot after all.

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March 12, 2008

News Through the Prism of the Comment Boards

 

RIGHTEOUSNESS PROTECTED BY ANONYMITY CAN BE SO ENTERTAINING. With Crabby tiring of her own voice, I leave today's entry to the faceless voices from the blogs' comment boards. Here, for your amusement, are several found while perusing today's news, with grammatical errors corrected.

From the The New York Observer's piece on long hours at the The New York Times covering the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal, Bill6969 writes: "What do you mean a "LONG NIGHT," how long does it take to write, "IT'S GEORGE BUSH'S FAULT." If a mouse breaks wind in Borneo, old George caused it, at least according to the NYTimes!!!!!!!!!"

A bulletin from Crabby, Bill: Everything IS George's fault.

And, staying somewhat on the Spitzer scandal, Anonymous comments: "He will not resign, he will not be impeached. Spitzer is indemnified against any wrongdoing by virtue of his political affiliation. He committed no racial crime, therefore is to be protected by the media elite. After all, how can he be all bad when he wishes to arbitrarily abrogate the Second Amendment, you know, the one the Southern hicks, rednecks, racists and "little people" exercise. ALL HAIL THE POWER ELITE, THEY CAN DO NO WRONG!!! Pinchy Sulzberger Jr. loves him."

Anonymous, I think your CAPS key is stuck in your muck, though I do empathize with your envy of the "power elite."

Switching topics, from OK! comes some thoughts about Britney Spears' new lawyer Stacy Phillips' challenging excessive legal fees from K-Fed and Brit's former lawyers:

Signer tgs1 says: "I read that Shar's credit card also gets charged to K-Fed's business. Apparently it came out in court?!? Errrrr, what does K-Fed's business do? Golf equipment? Full time nannies? HeHe." Seems Fed-Ex has a ways to go before he stops being a punchline.

And at TMZ, I just saying writes: "Gee, Brit must be tired carrying all that weight, the attorneys, her Dad, K-Fed, everyone. If her Dad was any kind of a MAN or DAD at all he would not take one red cent from his "mentally ill" daughter. As a parent, it is your job (without pay) to care for your kids for life. No wonder she acted like she did, carrying ALL those people must be exhausting!! I feel sorry for her; everyone is making money off her illness. Why would any of them want her to get better as long as they can keep getting paid. ...Feel better soon girl, before you have nothing left!"

For the record, Crabby sends her 'get strong' wishes too to Brit.

Finally, on The Huffington Post, in what is supposed to be feedback about Obama dissing Hillary's suggestion that he take the No. 2 post in the White House, comes these words from AdLib: "A suggestion for dealing with the heavy "moderating" on HuffPo now. I've simply adapted to it and integrated the same philosophy into my life. I have made friends with someone who's narcoleptic and falls asleep for 4 hours after every comment I make. When he awakens, he responds, I respond, then he falls asleep for another four hours. I like consistency in my life."

On the free world wide web, everybody wants their say.

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March 11, 2008

Tapping Into Hollywood's Dirty Secrets

 

THE GUMSHOE WHO HAS SHAKEN UP LA LA LAND IS A LEGEND IN HIS OWN MIND, so much so that he is defending himself against federal charges of criminal wiretapping, intimidation and racketeering in a California courtroom. Anthony Pellicano, wearing green windbreaker and tennis shoes, proved he has a fool for a client during his opening remarks when he basically admitted to being the fixer to the stars. The farce is expected to last as long as 10 weeks and showcase Hollywood's underbelly of slimy business practices.

I love federal prosecutors and FBI agents because it's so easy to caricaturize their unyielding ideals of justice. Watch them in action in any federal courtroom and you get the sense that they are the only people left in the world who still believe in a fixed right-or-wrong. But this is ultimately their appeal: they truly are the last stand against criminality and corruption in favor of Superman's 'truth, justice and the American way.' And as assistant U.S. attorney Kevin Lally said in his opening argument, the Pellicano case is about "corruption in some of society’s most fundamental systems: the police department, the phone company and the legal system. Corruption fueled by greed.” Is there any other kind?

Pellicano, an obvious socipath who so loved his own delusions of mob grandeur that he used the word "omerta" as a computer password, and who can trace his bad luck back to a dead fish, faces life in prison for secretly recording conversations of his high-profile clients' enemies. The government's witness list includes a who's who of Hollywood has-beens. Yet here's the rub: the trial still leaves unresolved the question of how to punish the powerfully corrupt. Pellicano may have been the fool who did the wiretapping, but he had plenty of paying customers who pretended ignorance about his methods. As the Huffington Post asks, "the real question is why did so many rich, famous and respected people in this town seek out Mr. Pellicano to do their dirty work?" I guess that's why Superman called his quest for truth and justice a "never-ending battle."

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March 10, 2008

'Wired' About An Idea Whose Time Has Come: Legalize Drugs

 

ADAGES ARE USEFUL BECAUSE THEY NEATLY SUM UP EXPERIENCE, and there is no adage more apropos to the drug war than 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions.'

Advocating the end of America's drug war is nothing new. Numerous organizations have been founded and operate to help re-educate the public on the fallacy that criminal charges and imprisonment are the best way to fight a penchant for mind-altering substances. Today, a staggering one out of every 100 Americans is locked behind bars, some for nonviolent drug or alcohol offenses. Even police officials and foreign governments have waged public campaigns to loosen the public's fear over drugs, and to lessen politicians' dependence on votes from that faction. Many of us have experienced first-hand drugs' hold on the psyche, and too many of us can point to wasted moments turning into wasted lives, all because someone choose to smoke a joint or pop a pill.

Ultimately, the worst thing you can say about the casual use of drugs is if you do them you're stupid. Or neglected. Or bored. Or anxious. Or angry. Or sad.

Then there are those for whom drugs is a sickness. I know this because I had a favorite older sister who was a heroin addict, and neither the fear of cops nor of losing her two children was enough to end her craving. Note that I used the word 'had' such a sister.

America's had 50 years of experimentation, and we've traveled full circle to where just days ago the raucous rocker Keith Richards warned kids away from drugs in a magazine interview. "Give it up,'' the Rolling Stones guitarist said. I know the fascination, but it ain't worth it."

Now, in the latest salvo against drug prohibition, we have the cool guys behind HBO's critically acclaimed The Wire lobbying in favor of legalization. "What once began, perhaps, as a battle against dangerous substances long ago transformed itself into a venal war on our underclass,'' the show's writers opine in Time magazine. "Since declaring war on drugs nearly 40 years ago, we've been demonizing our most desperate citizens, isolating and incarcerating them and otherwise denying them a role in the American collective. All to no purpose. The prison population doubles and doubles again; the drugs remain."

A few weeks ago I was struck by an article in the New York Times on the rehabilitation of the pitbulls saved from former NFL quarterback Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennels. Vick, currently serving a 23-month federal prison sentence for operating dog fights and helping execute dogs, began his trek toward redemption by paying one million dollars to have 42 dogs recovered on his property retrained for adoption. These dogs, some mangled, others starved, still others so aggressive they will never be adopted, nevertheless each received a "Personalized Emotional Rehabilitation Plan." “The biggest job we have with these guys is teaching them that it’s O.K. to trust people,'' said an assistant manager of the kennel. "It may take months or years, but we’re very stubborn. We won’t give up on them.”

I imagined how better the world would be if we treated violent prisoners that way. But surely it's true that if we can save innocent dogs with rehabilitative love, ought we not do the same for nonviolent drug users?

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March 07, 2008

He's Not Joking: Jack's Stumping for Hillary

WE ARE USED TO SEEING HIS EXAGGERATED SMIRK AS THE JOKER, familiar with his contemptous sneer in A Few Good Men, have recoiled at the flat mask of a man in About Schmidt. We know him best as the Jack seated in the front row at the Academy Awards, dark glasses intact, wearing the air of a randy king holding court.

But the public is now seeing actor Jack Nicholson in a new role, that of political ambassador. The legendary Jack Nickolson has released his most surprising performance in a "virtual video" endorsing Hillary Clinton as our next president. The video is a montage of quips from Jack's past movies interspersed with questions, an endorsement, and finally with a wiry-haired Nicholson saying, "I approve this message."

But Jack moves beyond the gimmicky campaign ad in an interview with MTV that proves an even stronger endorsement of Clinton, and portrays him as a serious and intelligent student of politics.

Among the more pointed comments he gives:

"It's only now that people are seeing that [the media has] been harsh to her. It's disturbing to me how gleeful they are at her imagined demise or any setbacks she has.''

"I'm not looking for so-called followers. I'm not that crazy about being interviewed. I don't like the sound of my own voice after 20 minutes. On the other hand, I am Irish. I like being involved in the community. As they say, if you don't educate yourself about the political system you're doomed to be led by inferior people. That's one of my fears."

Of Obama, he says, "Believe me, the Republicans are not going to let him slide. MTV doesn't want to hear this, but he seems youthful. His small mistakes do not get amplified. I love the inspiration of Senator Obama, but we have a representative republic for this very reason...These superdelegates are there to make democracy more thoughtful."

And, finally, "The only thing I can say is, it's obvious one person is more experienced."

Tough, honest commentary from a man who makes his living pretending on the screen.

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March 06, 2008

You're Hurting the Party: Pundits, Get Out of the Race

 

CROW IS BEING SERVED THIS MORNING AT BUFFETS EVERYWHERE POLITICAL PUNDITS GATHER FOR BREAKFAST. After Hillary proved to have the same blood as her husband, the "Come Back Kid", the punditry ilk this morning is scratching their heads, looking down at their plates, and thinking of how to rationalize Hillary's wins in yesterday's primary wins in Texas and Ohio that left egg all over their faces.

As a recovering minor political junkie who has occasionally been more than observer (a paid reporter), Crabby has been agog at the obvious vitriol and imbalance among the chosen few who get paid to report on our nation's most important election. I won't pretend to have read every single political story ever written, but this is the first time I recall reporters telling a candidate when to get out of the race. That's not journalism, that's presumption, which I'm sad to say is an ailment from which many journalists suffer. They transfer the importance of their jobs onto themselves, thus ending up arrogant, out-of-touch, and with senses of entitlement as big as the candidates they cover.

Thank God, the little people reminded the hot shots yesterday that they are in the driver's seat and refused to eject Clinton from the race. Hell, even Karl Rove, considered the devil incarnate by many journalists, thought that the pundits showed poor sportsmanship when they called for Clinton to bow out to allow the coronation of Barack to begin. And don't waste your time calling his comments part of the vast right-wing conspiracy. This year, left-wing pundits are proving better at the tactics.

Here's what I say to those who think they can see the future: You wanna prognosticate? Skip the polls and talk to Americans. And if you are short on topics to talk about, here's a few to consider:

Dig into America's LOAN CRISIS, budget-breaking OIL prices, LAX food inspection, housing's COLLAPSE, overcrowded PRISONS, underperforming schools, ZONING practices that BENEFIT the rich and HURT the poor, political TV advertising, SO-CALLED children's programming, prescription medicine's COSTS, global WARMING, television and film standards, SUBSIDIES for corporations, farmers and fat cat fundraisers (Tony Rezko comes to mind) -- follow them all to the end and you'll find weak legislation favoring those who give money to politicians. That includes media conglomerates, who increasingly make journalism, a once-honorable profession that benefited the public, look more like a pipe dream.

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March 05, 2008