Spinning Rumors Into Gold: The Make-Believe World Of Britney Spears

 

IN THE MEDIA'S EVER-EXPANDING MAKE-BELIEVE WORLD OF BRITNEY SPEARS, the Popped Tart is: 1. Buying a brand new Mercedes for her bag boy Adnan Ghalib. 2. Wearing her white lace wedding dress is proof she's about to tie the knot to paparazzo-leech Ghalib. 3. Was "popping pills" all day long on the day she refused to turn over her two boys to Kevin Federline, forcing a three-hour standoff that ended with her in the nut house. And 4, is so perilously close to disaster that the Associated Press finds the need to release a story that its preparing her obituary.

Such is the curse of being the world's most popular reigning princess. The stories must be larger-than life; tedium is an unimaginable part of her world. Thus, when Britney accompanies her current closest hanger-on to the Keyes Mercedes Dealership, she isn't merely passing the time while Ghalib perhaps replaces a lost key. When she wears her wedding dress, she is planning to elope she is so besotted by her new Muslim beau. It couldn't be as sad a scenario as Britney crying her heart out over spilt milk, Kevin Federline. It couldn't be that those "pills" she was popping was medication prescribed to regulate personality rather than cause illicit highs. And finally, is it possible that the AP wrote the bio because Britney is the number one news story, such as the definition of news is today, rather than because they expect her to die? Remember, it was mere days before that an AP internal memo was leaked to the press saying that from now on, Britney should be treated as big news by AP reporters. Does it not follow then that if Brit's big news, then by golly they should have an obit in the file on her?

Meanwhile, the Britney Celebrity Defense League grows longer, with fading star Demi Moore and Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean speaking up for the popster. The question is: Who will she let into her life?