Bulging "Package" Or Not, Sacha Baron Cohen is the Real Deal

 

CURIOUS IS THE DEARTH of stills available on the web and elsewhere of Sacha Baron Cohen's character from the movie that has America's critics singing a love song in chorus, Sweeney Todd. Perhaps that is just good politics: After all, screen star Johnny Depp and Director Tim Burton's serial monogamy is rare in real life, rarer still in Hollywood, and perhaps deserves to be the lead story. But where is this sidebar: that Cohen's showman barber Adolfo Pirelli steals every scene in which he appears. Perhaps that is the cinematographer's intention: the character's sartorial splendor, neatly coiffed hair and, yes, bulging crotch, hint at promise, and contrast sharply with the rest of the film's gloomy pastiche. Yet Crabby wonders if the low-key press for Cohen's performance is coincidence or conspiracy. Surely Johnny Depp, the actor who gets the most high-fives for autograph signing, that man-of-the-people who wants only to be an actor and not a star, can stand to share the spotlight? So far all I've seen is pander after pander about Cohen's padded "package", which I do confess does deserve a spotlight in its own right. But it clearly was part of the gag. No matter. DreamWorks is paying Cohen back with the role as Abbie Hoffman in The Trial of the Chicago Seven, which tells the story of protestors who disrupted the 1968 Democratic Convention and faced criminal charges of inciting a riot. Rumor has it that Steven Spielberg himself convinced Cohen to take the role. That Spielberg, such a smartie.

And speaking of the Spears sisters, (aren't we all, all the time, 24/7, in sickness and in health, till death due us part?) amid the flurry of breathless coverage about Jamie being with child, there is a growing drumbeat for her to marry the baby's presumed father, Casey Aldridge. Here's a plea to tabloid editors, the Religious Right, presidential candidates and any other interest group with a platform: STOP!!!!

When the baby arrives, she or he will be be beautiful, the tabs will be orgasmic over have another celebrity baby to snap, the Religious Right can crow about the virtues of giving birth over abortion. It will be a beautiful story (that is, until the hypervigilant paps spot Jamie not supporting the baby's neck correctly. For shame!) So why spoil this potentially decent outcome with a sure-fire bad outcome? A marriage between two teenagers in Hollywood has a shorter shelf life than a jar of mayonnaise. Can we stop the push for that twist to the story? Jamie and the suspected sperm donor will be paying their indiscretion for the rest of their lives. Why compound the problem by forcing them into marriage? Instead, why not encourage Jamie and Casey to promise to love, honor and commit to being good parents together. Isn't that the best ending we could wish for any unplanned newborn?.