SERVING UP DISH
Without A Hint Of Irony, O.C.'s Real Housewives Throw Plastics Party
THINGS HAVE BEEN TENSE IN THE O.C. Let's catch up.
Lynne's totally blown away that deadbeat dad Slade Slimey questions her parenting. But let's face it, her parenting is questionable. Anyway, she haughtily calls him a "poseur." Hee hee. Both Frank and Lynne know they're too soft on their kids but they're too laid-back or lazy to deal with it. They've waited way too long to begin to discipline their children and now they're clueless. Both girls continue to give them their asses to kiss.
Alexis gets Tamra's side of the Tamra-Gretchen feud, the mean website she won't take down, the mistrust. Both women are willing to play nice in public but will never, never declare themselves friends. Slowly, slowly Alexis plays more of a role in both Tamra and Gretchen's lives. And therefore, my life.
Gretchen throws a 50's style Tupperware party which Alexis attends with hubby Jim.
Read the full post here.
Posted February 08, 2010
ON TRIAL
Criminal Trial Our Best Chance For Separating Michael Jackson Fact From Fiction
THE CLOSET THE PUBLIC WILL EVER GET TO THE TRUTH about Michael Jackson's mental and physical state will come during the criminal trial of Dr. Conrad Murray on manslaughter charges.
For this reason, I'm looking forward to the testimony of Murray, Jackson family members, nanny Grace Rharamba, and any and all other players in the Michael Jackson death drama.
Media are already lining up outside the Los Angeles county courthouse awaiting Murray's "perp walk" as he is expected to arrive in court today to be formally charged with involuntary manslaughter.
Undercover police reportedly will be in the crowd to protect Murray from any crazed Jackson fan who might try to attack Murray.
Read the full post here.
WORK IT
Snip & Tuck: RuPaul's Drag Race Returns
SHE'S BAAAAACCCCK!
If you missed last year's debut of RuPaul's Drag Race it's time to fasten your seat belt and come on along for the ride of your life.
I love drag queens (and kings) in all their awesomeness and awfulness, and this new group of contestants share these qualities in equal measure.
We watch as they enter their workroom. Our first two contestants, Nicole Paige Brooks and Shangela, fancy themselves Southern belles. Then short-haired Raven, the name she uses when she's in tits and tights, comes in looking kinda hard. Jujubee is the token Asian. Sahara Davenport enters to the screams of Shangela and it turns out they went to college together.
Read the full post here.
SEX IS HIS BUSINESS
Declining The Call To The World's Oldest Profession
I RECENTLY DROVE THE 36 HOURS FROM CHICAGO TO CALIFORNIA.
I made several stops along the way, the last in Reno, Nevada.
Reno, the Biggest Little City in the World.
I booked my hotel from the road. The man on the other end of the line told me that it was "just off" the main drag. I contemplated staying in a smaller outlying town, but decided "oh, what the hell," and went for it. It was only like $50 a night. And it was a Friday.
I have never been to Vegas -- or Reno -- nor have I ever had the desire to do so. Too artificial, too contrived, too fluorescent. But since I was there, I was gonna do it right.
I checked into my room at the Sands Regency Hotel and Casino and showered. I accidentally left my hair straightener in the car, a mild irritant until I realized that everyone in the casino beneath me had the scarecrow-like hair of a crystal meth addict.
Read the full post here.
Posted February 05, 2010
PROOF YOU CAN HAVE TOO MUCH MONEY
Giacometti's Nihilist Monument Shatters Art Auction Record
THE TALL, GAUNT "WALKING MAN" was conceived as part of a series of bronze figures commissioned to stand outside the Chase Manhattan Bank in New York City's financial district.
Fifty years later, the haunted-looking figure sculpted by Swiss artist Giovanni Giacometti has sold for $104.3 million dollars, the highest sum ever paid for a work of art at auction.
Read the full post here.
Posted February 04, 2010
SISTER'S GOT BACK
Beyonce's Baby Sister Has A 'Kanye' Moment
BEYONCE'S SISTER SOLANGE TWEETED FOLLOWING HER BIG SISTER'S historic six Grammy-award cleanup.
Interpreted into the hip-hop equivalent, Solange basically said, "My sister is the shit, bitches, so get off Taylor Swift's titties."
Or to be literal, Beyonce's baby sis tweeted she was "having another Kanye rant moment."
Read the full post here.
Posted February 03, 2010
SICK LOVE
Facebook Gives Murdering Father The Last Word
TO THE TWISTED AND CONTROLLING MIND OF STEPHEN GARCIA, it wasn't enough to kill himself and his nine-month-old son to spite an ex-girlfriend. He had to have the last word.
In his final vengeful and selfish act, Garcia, 25, shot his son Wyatt to death before turning the gun on himself in a parked vehicle on a rural road in Twin Peaks, Calif.
The murder-suicide was the final act of a tragedy that had played for weeks on the social medium Facebook, the Internet, and in a Joshua Tree, Calif. superior courtrooms.
Garcia was enraged and bitter that his ex-girlfriend, whom I will not mention out of spite to him, had become involved with another man.
So in exhaustive, obsessive detail, he had for weeks begged, pleaded and threatened his ex-girlfriend through Facebook, text messages and his personal website.
"HOW DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO AFFECT ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?," Garcia wrote. "HOW IS IT GOING TO AFFECT WYATT? DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE IM (sic) GOING TO JUST SIT BACK AND WATCH WYATT BE RAISED BY ANOTHER MAN? HOW LONG BEFORE I DO SOMETHING STUPID?"
A final video and obituary was posted on Garcia's Facebook page within hours of Garcia's death but it remains unclear if it was posted before or after the crime. In it, he makes the ridiculous claim that he killed his son to protect him. He also characterized the deaths as "punishment" to his exgirlfriend.
Read the full post here.
BAD PICKINS
Stealing Oscar's Thunder: Nominees For Razzies Named Just Ahead Of Academy's "Best" List
THE RAZZLE DAZZLE OF THE OSCARS IS ALMOST UPON US. But first up: the Razzies, a celebration of the year's worst films and performances.
This year's 30th annual Golden Raspberry Awards will take place March 6th, one day before the 82nd Annual Academy Awards. And while Oscar's nominees will be out later today, beating them to the punch is the Razzies' nominees for the worst of 2009.
This year at least one name's expected to top both lists: Sandra Bullock is earning rave reviews for her turn in The Blind Side, but she stunk up the screen in All About Steve and is a Razzie nominee for "Worst Actress."
Read the full post here.
Posted February 02, 2010
FORMULAIC
Not Going GaGa Over This Year's Grammys
THE 52ND ANNUAL GRAMMY'S OPENING "Fame Factory" proved apt metaphor as performers rolled out in assembly line perfunctoriness and left me hankering for a surprise.
Wearing gangrenous shoulder humps, Lady GaGa opened the show looking like Quasimodo leading the Festival of Fools. Joined by a soot-covered, glittered-spectacled Sir Elton John, the two legends performed a lackluster medley of his-and-her songs.
And is it me? Or did it seem that Lady G begaan her pop descent at the moment she exclaimed, "Take My Picture Hollywood! I want to be a star!"
Then Steven Colbert swept on stage in his faux persona, waved 'Hello Princess' to Taylor Swift, feigned familiarity to an indifferent Jay Z, and warned his teenaged daughter in the audience to stay away from Katy Perry.
Read the full post here.
Posted February 01, 2010
SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW
For Playing Hide & Peek, Try A Merkin
I'M LIVING IN CALIFORNIA AT THE MOMENT. I'm staying with my uncle, a temporary arrangement in a sort of clichéd "I've graduated from college, at my quarter-life, and I see it fit to try to find myself" quest.
I decided to grow out all my body hair, legs, underarms, and -- yes -- pubes, as a sort-of test of character.
Can I withstand it?
I'll tell you: I'm ready to cave. The armpits are no big deal. I can keep that up. The leg hair is annoying when it rubs up against the sheets. I feel like I'm going to start a fire, but I can deal. But the pubes…oh Lord.
It's itchy; I find myself adjusting myself like a grunting macho weightlifter at the gym; I've resorted to going commando. Yeah, I think I'm going to cave.
On my way out here to California, I stopped in Fort Collins, Colorado. I met a new friend, and he took me to lunch the next day before I continued on to Salt Lake City. Somewhere between the burritos and the beer, he told me about his friend's guinea pig named "Merkin."
Merkins -- my new friend told me -- are pubic hair wigs.
Read the full post here.
Posted January 29, 2010
PERSPECTIVE
The Long View From Dubai
FILMMAKER PHILLIP BLOOM posted on Vimeo this timelapsed film that he recently shot in Dubai over five days and nights. Much of it was shot from inside the Atlantis Hotel on the Palm Jumeirah.
The photography is striking and evocative and unsettling. And it reveals in flashes what so many of us shut our eyes to every day: we're all just specks of dust. Specks with souls, mind you, but specks nonetheless.
There are things bigger than us humans. Time, for one.
Bloom dedicates his beautiful film to the daughter of a friend who died recently "at a tragically young age." I can't help thinking: Don't we all?
Posted January 28, 2010
EEKING OUT FABULOSITY
Some Real Housewives Appear Desperate For Cash
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES SEEM TO BE TURNING DESPERATE.
Atlanta's Kim Zolciak has opened an eBay store she's calling Kim Z Couture Closet.
The shop's header features photos of Kim with the blingingest diamond-studded logo you've ever seen. For a mere $5K you can place your opening bid on Dolce & Gabana black dress detailed with diamonds. Or opt for a never-worn pink Christian Dior gown that is exactly like the one Cameron Diaz wore to the Academy Awards.
Read the full post here.
Posted January 27, 2010
BUTT OUT
Smoke Free Movies Is Missing The Big Picture
AVATAR IS BREAKING BOX OFFICE RECORDS and receiving critical acclaim as it cleans in the early awards season. But with success comes controversy. While many people are debating the movie's "real" message -- is it racist? against religion? pro-socialist? -- the anti-smoking lobby fumes about Sigourney Weaver's character's nasty little habit.
Contending that onscreen smoking negatively influences children, the organization Smoke Free Movies bought two full-page ads in Variety and The Hollywood Reporter excoriating the industry for giving the tobacco industry free advertising in James Cameron's blockbuster.
The group contends on its website that that "390,000 kids recruited to smoke each year by the smoking they see on screen are worth $4 billion in lifetime sales to the tobacco companies."
While I'm not a smoker and am no fan of the habit, my personal opinion is smoking can serve a very direct purpose in a movie.
What if smoking is crucial to a story's character? What if the cancer sticks are integral to a film's period?
Read the full post here.
THE GREATEST SHOW ON ICE
It's Official: Johnny Weir's A Little Monster
OOOH LOOKIE! REALITY TV STAR AND SKATING CHAMP JOHNNY WEIRD is one of Lady Gaga's little monsters.
Actually, it's Weir, but you just know he's spent his whole life with that 'd' appendage. Maybe that's why he identifies with the Lady G, who is rumored to have an extra accessory of her own. The Olympic skater even sat next to Stefani's mom at a recent concert in New York City.
Chalk up another gay for GaGa, despite what Johnny will or won't say.
But he doesn't have to say much when Be Good Johnny Weir, airing Mondays at 10:30pm (Eastern) on Sundance, shows the skating queen bubble-bathing and lolling in bed with his ''best friend" Paris.
Read the full post here.
Posted January 26, 2010
WORSE THAN THE TRUTH
Virtual Game Turns Celebrities' Adopted Children Into Fashion Accessories
A BRITISH ONLINE GAME MAKES AN UGLY JOKE OUT OF THIRD-WORLD ADOPTEES becoming de rigueur accessories for "wannabe style mavens."
At the virtual playground My-Minx.com, players can adopt children fashioned after the children of Madonna, Angelina Jolie and actor Ewan McGregor.
Players can choose from Maddox, 3, who eats cockroaches, Pax, 5, who loves Vietnamese noodles, Zahara, 4, who enjoys "guinea pig."
Another ''adoptee,'' named after McGregor's daughter Jamiyan, enjoys eating rats.
Once purchased, players can dress their orphans in designer duds and try selling their pictures to celebrity magazines.
Read the full post here.
UH-OH
In Memoriam: Creator Of Campbell's Spaghetti-Os Has Died
I CAN'T LET Donald Goerke pass on to that great kitchen in the sky without thanking him for his starchy staple to America's pwt diet, Spaghetti-Os.
Read the full post here.
Posted January 25, 2010
KHARMIC BOOMERANG
Jennifer Aniston Gets Last Laugh As Tables Turn On Brangelina
THE LONG NIGHTMARE IS OVER FOR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The she-wolf that stole her husband is getting her comeuppance.
The world trembles that the singular Brangelina is once again merely "Brad" and "Angie," as speculation boils that the beauteous twosome is kaput.
And in an instant the the question becomes : Will Jennifer Aniston and Brad get back together?
It's too soon to predict, and our money is on 'no.' But what a satisfying twist to a torrid love story that began when Pitt and Jolie hooked up while starring opposite each other in the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
“And in an instant the question becomes: Will Jennifer Aniston and Brad get back together?
”
Shortly after the film role, Pitt divorced Jennifer, dubbed "America's sweetheart," and took up with the hypnotically dangerous Angelina, the girl who purportedly French-kissed her brother and wore vials of blood around her neck.
Read the full post here.
BREAKING DRAMEDY
Brangelina Interrupted? Team Aniston Rises From The Dead
GAWKER PREDICTED THE END OF THE WORLD, TMZ LURED FANS FROM THE LEDGE, AND Perez Hilton drank the Kool-Aid served up by the couple's flacks.
Gossip's snipes pounced quickly after Britain's News Of The World reported that Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie were uncoupling while continuing to share custody of their six kids. The report comes just days after the National Enquirer claimed the couple had a public fight at a New York restaurant during which Brad pleaded with Angie to get mental help.
The lives of Mr. & Mrs. A-List have been rapturously entwined ever since 2004 when the couple met while playing sparring spouses. Shortly afterward, Brad left wife Jennifer Aniston and took up with the sexy homewrecker, forcing Hollywood watchers to declare allegiance to Team Jennifer Or Team Angie. Over at The Hollywood Gossip, a whopping 81 percent of voters were on Jen's side.
On Sunday, the Internet was alight with comments folks who more ore less either:
1) Were glad that ho Angie was getting her kharmic payback, or
2) Praying that Brad ended back in the arms of his ex-wife, or
3) Keeping fingers crossed that Brad never, ever went back with that self-absorbed sad-sack Jennifer, or
4) Thought critics were just jealous of the undying love Brad and Angie will share eternally .
With the legal papers allegedly already signed, it shouldn't be long before the world knows the truth: fairy tales are just that.
Posted January 24, 2010
MOMMY'S BOY
Frank "The Entertainer" Woos Girls In His Mother's Basement
SINCE I DIDN'T HAVE ANY CHEESE IN THE HOUSE, I tuned in to the third installment of Frank the Entertainer… In A Basement Affair, a new VH1 show.
Frank Maresca, fairly handsome and dimpled, was a finalist on the second season of I Love New York. His claim to fame was giving New York's toes a sucking that, I guess, blew her mind.
Then the parents arrived. I don't remember the details of the confrontation but I'm sure it was ugly.
Read the full post here.
GOODBYE FOR NOW
Conan O'Brien Signs Off NBC A Free Bird
AND SO THE PAINFUL PUBLIC DISSOLUTION OF THE MARRIAGE BETWEEN CONAN O'BRIEN and longtime partner NBC comes to a poignant, heartbreaking end.
After slicing and dicing the network for weeks, a resigned Conan last night professed no hard feelings, and advised the kiddies to work hard and avoid cynicism.
"Please do not be cynical,'' an earnest Conan said. "I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
The once and future talk show host thanks his legions of fans who staged rallies, camped out in the rain and bled their support all over the Internet.
"This massive outpouring of support and passion, from so many people, has been overwhelming for me,'' he said, his voice cracking. "The rallies, the signs, all this goofy outrageous creativity on the internet …You made a sad situation joyous and inspirational."
And then he introduced Will Ferrell performing a faux funny Lynyrd Skynyrd's Freebird. Because even though this is supposed to be comedy, we're crushed that irreconcilable differences ended what we thought was a beautiful relationship.
Read the full post here.
Posted January 23, 2010
Backlash Against Booty's Muse
Carrie Bradshaw Is A Fraud
IHAVE A PROBLEM.
I have come to the painful realization that the circumstances luxuriated by Carrie Bradshaw are, tragically, unattainable. And I don't just mean the utter impossibility of affording all designer clothes and a gorgeous Manhattan brownstone on the salary of a columnist. I'm talking about the romantic implications of sex writing, and the exemption from social consequence that she seems to enjoy.
Carrie has men flocking to her. This comes as no surprise, as she's attractive and intelligent and presumably good in bed. But -- and please correct me if I’m overlooking anything, SATC fanatics -- Carrie seems to have no trouble with keeping these men around, even though she writes candidly about them in her widely-read column. Huh?
Read the full post here.
THE LYING GAME
John Edwards' Sordid Tale Comes To Predictable Ending
"I AM QUINN'S FATHER," Former presidential candidate John Edwards said today in what is surely one of the most anticlimactic public pronouncements ever made.
Finally, after three years of lying, cheating, denying, conspiring, obfuscating and hiding in hotel bathrooms, Edwards admitted to fathering an illegitimate child who is the spitting image of himself. As if we all didn't know already.
In a written statement to NBC about the daughter he fathered with videographer Rielle Hunter, Edwards said, "I will do everything in my power to provide her with the love and support she deserves…It was wrong for me to ever deny she was my daughter."
The Associated Press reported that Edwards' wife, Elizabeth, who tirelessly avoided the truth about the girl's paternity for two years, said of the revelation: "Our whole family feels relieved."
Last May, Mrs. Edwards told Oprah that she had "no idea" if Frances Quinn Hunter, now 2, was her husband's child. "It doesn't look like my children, but I don't have any idea,'' she said.
The recently published book Game Change quotes Mrs. Edwards as saying of her husband's denial: "I have to believe it. Because if I don't, it means I'm married to a monster."
Read the full post here.
Posted January 21, 2010
HE'S A 'KICK'
Is It Time For Reluctant Sidekick Andy Richter To Host Own Show?
AS NBC and Conan O'Brien continue their scorched-earth engagement, let's salute loyal doughboy Andy Richter.
The comic sidekick will do anything in the name of service. For instance, just last week Richter offered to immediately become addicted to drugs if TV executives requested.
"Whatever you got, I will take it," he pleaded to television brass.
"You got an award show no one wants to host? Voiceovers? Phones to answer? You want me on one of those celebrity rehab shows? You name the drug and I will get hooked on it tomorrow!" he joked.
That's classic Andy. Since 1993, Conan's human applause-o-meter has given buffoonery a good name.
Read the full post here.
TRUMPED UP
Big Brother's Watching: Ivana Trump Strips For The Cameras
WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED THAT IVANA TRUMP LOOKS BETTER WITH HER CLOTHES OFF THAN ON.
I don't know if she's a certifiable GILF, but props to the 60-year-old Mrs. for being able to pose near naked next to a model on the reality show Celebrity Big Brother. Burning question: Is it real or is it liposuctioned?
Burning question number two: would you do her? Let us know!
Posted January 20, 2010
STANDOUTS
Last Impressions From The Golden Globes
IT WAS EASY TO SEE WHY ROBERT DOWNEY JR. ONCE HAD A SUBSTANCE PROBLEM AT Sunday's Golden Globes: Hollywood's most likeable habituae was a mass of jangly, manic energy while giving his acceptance speech for best actor in Sherlock Holmes.
"If you start playing violins, I will tear this joint apart," were the first words out of Downey's mouth, and we were afraid he might be serious.
Read the full post here.
Posted January 19, 2010
ART FOR ART'S SAKE
Bottling Nature
NEW YORK ARTIST NAOKO ITO imprisons nature in a jar.
The artist cuts a tree branch, put the pieces into glass jars and then reconfigures them in the limb's shape.
This piece is titled Ubiquitous and is part of her series called Urban Nature 2009. Our question: in a showdown between city and nature, which wins? Let's ask the branch.
Via Neatorama by way of Buzzfeed.
Posted January 18, 2010
ICONIC
And The Award For Best Dressed Goes To...Isabel Lucas
ALAS, ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD CAN'T BUY GOOD BONE STRUCTURE AND TASTE. Lucky for her, Isabel Lucas has both in buckets.
You can spend all day looking at the Best Dressed lists from last night's Golden Globes and not come up with anything or anyone who beats Lucas' timeless elegance. Fingers crossed that she doesn't starve herself to achieve it.
Lucas' guaranteed herself a spot in the pantheon of fashion when she wore this sleek cream gown by Chanel with gold and black trim.
But we'll give points to Christina Aquilera for her dress, Courtney Cox for her fresh take on classic, and Jennifer Garner for her fitting flash.
PACKING A WHOLLOP
Mo'Nique's Better Blues: Precious Star Steals Spotlight At Golden Globes
MO'NIQUE STOLE THE SPOTLIGHT AT THE 67TH GOLDEN GLOBES after winning for her turn as an abusive mother in the movie Precious that actress Helen Mirren called "raw poetry."
Mo'Nique, 42, swept onto the Beverly Hilton stage with Oprahesque confidence in a gold sleeveless gown.
"First, let me say thank you God for this amazing ride that you're allowing me to go on. And everybody kept asking me did I know my speech. And I said no I don't know what I'mma say because I don't want people to think that I just know that I done won something. So, no, I don't know."
But her delivery was better than this sounds!
"But I'm shaking and when I tell ya'll I am in the mist of my dream. And when I look into the eyes of the man that I stood next to at 14 years old. And I said to him one day we are going to be stars and he said, 'You first.' And we walked this red carpet together tonight. Sidney I love you more than you will ever know baby.
Read the full post here.
AIMING LOW
Cheek To Chic: Ricky Gervais' Rattles Hollywood As Globes' Emcee
FUNNYMAN Ricky Gervais starred in a role of his own making last night: Edward Scizzorsmouth.
In a room full of celebrities buffed to a glow, the British actor was all angles and sharp blades.
"Why oh why was The Invention of Lying not nominated? I don't know, I just don't know. Maybe the DVD will win an award," he said pulling it out from below the podium. "That's out Tuesday at Wal-mart. So go and buy that."
In addition to clumsily self-promoting his movie and television show, Gervais' broke a cardinal sin of comedy: he didn't play to the audience.
"I've had a little work done," he said after joking about the plastic surgery of the stars. "I've had cheek implants …and I've had a penis reduction. Just got the one now. And it is very tiny. But so are my hands so when I holding it it looks pretty big.
Read the full post here.
BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
Golden: Hollywood's Elite Light Up The Night For Awards Show
THE 67TH ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBES DIDN'T LOOK A DAY OVER 30 as Hollywood's preternaturally preserved elite gathered Sunday to celebrate themselves.
"Looking at the all the faces here reminds me of some of the great work that has been done this year…by cosmetic surgeons," quipped the night's host, cheeky court jester Ricky Gervais. "You all look great."
"It is an honor to be here in a room full of what I consider to be the most important people on the planet: Actors," he added. "They're just better than ordinary people, aren't they?"
The audience, a veritable Who's Who of Hollywood, glimmered in agreement.
Read the full post here.
