AT THE BOX OFFICE
Boring 'Bride Wars' Panders To the Chic Flick Niche
ERE'S A FEW CAPSULED REVIEWS TO HELP DECIDE WHICH MOVIE TO SEE THIS WEEKEND.
Bride Wars
Starring Kate Hudson, Anne Hathaway, Kristen Johnson, Bryan Greenberg, Candice Bergen. Directed by Gary Winick.
Lazy is a good way to describe this movie; the writer's were lazy, the actor's were lazy and the director was lazy. It feels like everyone involved just phoned it in.
The movie delivers cheap jokes, insipid sight gags and a thin plot. It's clear that this movie was nothing more than a studio trying to cash "chick flick" phenomena.
The movie follows the story of two very beautiful women (Hudson and Hathaway) who play best friends who plan to have their weddings at the same place on different days. But a snafu leads to both weddings being booked for the same day, and one has to change their plans. Hijinks ensue as each woman tries to get the other to change their wedding date; hijinks perhaps, but no hilarity here.
The main problem with this movie is that it took a concept made popular on TV's (Bridezillas) and then tried to make a movie out of it.
Overall: This movie is awful -- but the studio gets what it wants: a lock on the female audience. If it was up to me, It would toss it in the trash with the rest of the floor popcorn.
Revolutionary Road
Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Michael Shannon, Kathryn Hahn, David Harbour, Kathy Bates. Directed by Same Mendes.
This movie is Titanic's awful sequel. They don't even explain how Leo came back from the dead. I kid.
What I'm not going to kid about is how freaking depressing this movie is. After watching this movie, you'll want to pop a few dozen percocets.
Did I miss the memo that said it's OK for a movie -- a means of entertainment -- to be so sad and depressing that it ruins any hope for entertainment?
The movie follows DiCaprio and Winslet as a married couple in 1950's America. Audience members will want to cut themselves as the marriage rages down the destructive path of dysfunction despite its public facade.
This movie was supposed to be a big deal -- the return of the romantic Leonardo DiWinslet duo. But you know what: their first movie together was terrible. I will argue to the ends of the earth that Titanic was an unnecessarily long, sad, unoriginal, overacted piece of crap that didn't deserve the $$600,779,824 it made. The only reason it was so "revolutionary" was because of the love story, which was as contrived as it was pointless.
Overall: Hated it. Well made and well acted, but not worth the depressive slump I'll be in for months as a result of seeing it.
The Unborn
Starring Odette Yustman, Gary Oldman, Meagan Good, Idris Elba, Cam Gigandet, James Remar, Jane Alexander. Directed by David Goyer.
Stick to Batman movies, David Goyer. Did anyone think this movie was going to be good?
Sure it was written and directed by Goyer; but it was produced by Michael Bay, (a name synonymous with crap.)
Based on a Jewish folktale, The Unborn tells the story of a young girl who becomes the "door" for the ghost of her twin brother who died while in utero. The movie basically devolves into a really bad exorcism movie.
The movie is rated PG-13, a telling clue that this really isn't horror but rather a pander to high schoolers to exorcise $9.50 from them.
Overall: This movie is trash. Do not -- I repeat- do not waste your money on this steamy pile.
Marc Sakol understands the kindness in strangers, which is why he abandons hope of actually getting to know people. He spends his time falling head first into video games, watching every movie ever made and writing for his blog Sarcasm Not Included.
Posted January 16, 2009
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