By Miz J
THE PARTNERS MEET WITH A BANKER, TRYING TO make SCDP go public. Afterward, Pete tries really hard to hit on Joan, who’s like, “Please, I shit out better men than you.” So he goes home to spend Mother’s Day with Trudy and Tammy, where his sexual efforts are once again stymied. Like a child throwing a tantrum, Pete tells Trudy that he’s got big things planned and she’ll be sorry, and she flippantly replies, “I’ll make a note of that.” Clearly, Pete is having a harder time than he bargained for with this whole Imitating Don strategy of his. Because, as we’ve seen over the past few years, pimpin’ ain’t easy, and neither is being Dick Whitman Don Draper.
Megan’s mother Marie is in town for the holiday, and she’s sparked a flirtation with Sylvia’s husband. Additionally, Roger finds out she’s back in town, and presses Don to bring both the French ladies to a doomed Jaguar dinner. Ever the expert account guy, Roger is working another angle, chick-wise: a flight attendant who’s so mad about him, she’s helping him meet businessmen on her flights so he can sell them on advertising through the agency.
As the ladies get ready for dinner, Megan confesses to Marie that she doesn’t know what happened to her marriage, and Marie tells her it’s hard to be the one standing next to someone giving autographs, but that it’s easy to fix –- she just needs to dress like a knockout and suffer through this awkward dinner, where Herb and Don fight, and Don basically hits the self-destruct button on the Jag (and the Jaguar account, too). He really doesn’t give a fuck this season. Well, except to Megan, while Marie opens yet another bottle of wine in the adjoining room. Over the course of the episode, Megan turns into a sexpot, chasing after Don and trying desperately to keep him happy, feeding that dangerous ego of his.
Still reeling from female rejection, Pete goes to a whorehouse and sees his father-in-law there. They lock eyes, they speak, it’s mortifying. Peter consults Ken Cosgrove, and while he’s in there, they get the call from the banker that because of Don’s spat with Herb, their IPO is rejected. And Joan, having been tormented by Herb all this time, is surprisingly the most upset by Don’s actions, saying that if she could deal with him, then Don should be able to deal with him too.
Across town, Peggy and Abe struggle to find balance as homeowners, and at her agency, her boss is struggling mightily to cope with the fact that his longtime partner has cancer. Ted freaks out in her office, telling her that Frank has been his pessimistic counterpart all these years and he hates when people say he’s nice. She says she thinks he’s strong, and BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE, folks. Ted leans in for the kiss we’ve been waiting for. But it ends, as do most situations involving Peggy, in an awkward, stilted, this-never-happened manner. You know, like with that pesky pregnancy.
In the penthouse elevator, the doctor and the adman discuss how the doctor just quit his job. He couldn’t perform the heart transplant he needed to, and both his patients died. Puts the advertising thing into perspective, doesn’t it? At my own agency (yes, I’m a Mad Woman) we make jokes about “advertising emergencies,” because there absolutely is no such thing. Especially when you have a fucking DOCTOR to provide contrast. Don tells him that he doesn’t believe in fate, and that he makes his own opportunities. I snort-laughed, because these are not opportunities so much as the swagger-drunken proclamations of a ruthless egomaniac.
The universe has a funny way of correcting this brand of braggadocio -– from both Pete and Don. Because Pete got cocky with his, erm, cock, and because Don got too bold with other people’s lives and livelihoods, Jaguar and Vicks (where Pete’s shady father-in-law is the connection) are out the door, sending the partners into a scramble. Trying to fix things, Pete goes to speak to Trudy about her father pulling his business from SCDP. He tells her about the whorehouse and Trudy, who has no reason to trust him at this point, kicks him to the curb as well.
Peggy and Abe tussle over their fixer-upper apartment. Peggy hates all these damn kids on her lawn (or, more accurately, her stoop), and Abe insists that the neighborhood is changing and that they are part of that change. “I don’t like change,” she replies angrily. “I want everything to stay the way it was.” It says a lot about Peggy –- and about her mentor Don.
Don and Ted stagnate in a Detroit bar, both hoping to win the super-secret Chevy account they’re pitching. After Heinz, they’re REALLY unhappy to see each other. “I should just let Chevy buy my brain and put it in a jar.” The nemeses complain about how the business is rigged and then share their ideas with each other, because — what’s the difference? It’s Heinz all over again. Chevy will give the business to a big agency that can open a Detroit office and staff up immediately. Still on that swagger, Don convinces Ted to pair up their agencies and try to change their fates. By some miracle, they pull it off, which blows Peggy’s mind. Now she’s working for her old boss and her new boss, and has to write the press release announcing it all, for immediate release – something she probably wishes she could find for herself.
Miz J has an attitude. Deal with it. Check out her NSFW comedy podcast, I SAID IT, on iTunes or follow her on Facebook or on Twitter @askmizj