AHH THE REBOUND — THE SAVING GRACE THAT FOLLOWS the crushing defeat of your last failed relationship. Today’s Love Celebrity explores two high-profile rebounders, Russell Brand and Tom Cruise, for whom love lost means new opportunities.
British funnyman Brand braved a phone call to Howard Stern’s voyeuristic Sirius/XM radio show on Wednesday and refused to badmouth ex-wife Katie Perry. He “loved her so much,” he said, that marriage seemed like the sensible thing to do.
But just two days after the couple’s divorce was finalized, Brand admitted their love wasn’t enough to keep them together.
“I was really, really in love with her, but it was difficult to see each other … We were together when it was right to be together, and when it wasn’t we worked it out … It was a lovely relationship … it mostly didn’t work for practical reasons … We did work it out, she’s happy, I’m happy.”
Despite Stern’s probing, Brand refused to divulge the details of the couple’s problems.
“I don’t want anything to hurt her,” he said. “She’s younger than me, she’s a young woman and she’s beautiful and she’s sensitive and I care about her deeply … I don’t want to be too glib. She’ll read it and she’ll be sad and I don’t want that.”
But Brand did confirm that he’s dating actress Jordana Brewster’s younger sister, Isabella, and that he was enjoying the freedom to dip his stick into any honey pot that he he likes.
“If you’ve been on a diet of rice for a while and suddenly Willy Wonka asked you to take over the factory,” he alluded, “you’d be kicking over barrels of candy and swimming in a chocolate river.” Happy swimming, Russell.
AND SPEAKING OF SWEET THINGS, now that Katie Holmes has extricated herself from the clutches of Scientology’s god, rumors are already ramping up that the church is setting up a relationship between “Scientology princess” actress Yolanda Pecoraro and Tom Cruise.
“Tom’s next marriage will be inside the church,” Scientology expert Margery Wakefield told the National Enquirer.
Pecoraro has been a Scientologist since she was 13 and has reportedly previously dated Cruise. “Yes, I knew and still know Tom Cruise. And no, I’m not married or engaged,” she told the tab.
Holmes’ surprise divorce filing opened the church-cum-cult up to devastating news coverage. Sources say she sought the divorce because she feared her daughter Suri would be forced to succumb to the church’s controversial counseling methods and schooling.
“With the embarrassment his divorce has caused the church, they want to stabilize the situation quickly,” a source tells the Enquirer. “They also want to show that Tom has rebounded fast and that his new wife is beautiful and steeped in Scientology. If the church decides to make Yolanda Tom’s next wife, they’d certainly want her to have a child soon. …And there’s little doubt she’d do what’s best for the church.”
I guess Scientology doesn’t believe in grieving relationships, so stay tuned for Tom’s fourth try at the contract we call matrimony.
FINALLY, WE’D BE REMISS if we didn’t mention that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi visited Jay Leno last evening to pitch her latest book and chat about her impending nuptials.
“We’re not having the wedding like anytime soon,” the star of Snooki & JWoww said. “We’re going to have the baby, be good parents and then talk about the wedding.”
“Okay, so hopefully the kid won’t be able to do math,” quipped Leno.
Talk then turned to Jionni’s bachelor party for which Snooki wholeheartedly endorsed strippers.
“I feel like, you know, the guy should have strippers. I mean, you’re going to be married to the same girl your whole life so you may as well enjoy it. I trust him.”
The pint-sized reality star then created a golden moment in TV by turning to fellow guest and former presidential candidate Newt Gingrich and asking, “Did you have strippers?” After the audience erupted in laughter, an amused Gingrich admitted no and said, “I feel now like in some ways that my life has been deprived.”
The pregnant star admitted that she doesn’t know when she got pregnant — “some wild night, I don’t know…. whatev” — and that she’s living in the basement apartment of her fiance Jionni’s parents.
When Jay ribbed her about that, she insisted matter-of-factly: “I’m not a loser.” Check it out below.