By Miz J
KIMYE HAS A BIG PROBLEM with a little crib.
Specifically, the new Bel Air manse Kim and Kanye bought back in February, which is totally gutted at the moment. Since they’ve sold their separate houses—Kanye’s Hollywood Hills bachelor pad went for $3.3 million and Kim’s Beverly Hills place for $5 mil—they don’t have to go home, but they can’t stay there.
Now, tongues are wagging about Kimye being “homeless,” to which we say “bitch, please.”
Given their guap, it’s pretty much impossible. But it’s looking like they might have to move in with Kris (Kim’s mom, not her freshly cut-off ex husband. The SECOND ex-husband, not the first. Just thought we should clarify). Without their own place to call home, and a serious need to downsize, we really hope they finally get rid of all those ugly-ass clothes Kim’s been rocking lately.
IF, LIKE US, YOU’RE NOT MUCH FOR MORNING SHOWS LIKE TODAY, then you’re probably wondering what the hell happened to that lady Ann, who was on the show for a grand total of five seconds. Wasn’t she an accomplished journalist? What is it about 4-hour long, superficial shit shows that they can’t keep serious journalists employed? Well, turns out the answer to that question is simple: Matt Lauer.
In Top of the Morning: Inside the Cutthroat World of Morning TV, Brian Stelter breaks down the events leading up to the June 2012 debacle: “Curry felt that the boys’ club atmosphere behind the scenes at Today undermined her from the start, and she told friends that her final months were a form of professional torture.”
That Ann’s departure was also announced in the New York Times — before Ann herself even knew about it — added to the humiliation of it all, robbing her of the opportunity to at least leave the show gracefully, and seemingly on her own terms. Boys club? Or territorial executive pissings? We think it’s a little bit of both. Incidentally, Stelter’s being served up his own dish of humiliation by his employer, which disses the book as “overblown” and “silly.”
HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT IT’D BE LIKE to get your beaver high? By which we mean loading up your ladybits on ecstasy, acid and other assorted psychotropics? Well, turns out that eight “magical adventurers” who took this “cunt odyssey” documented their vaginas’ trips in an essay discovered by Jezebel on Eurowid. Sharing chocolate, drugs and astrological influences, the group set about searching for “vaginal datapoints.” And Jezebel reports the results were…disappointing.
“Disappointingly, none of the women had notably strong trips; it turns out that if you want to hallucinate that the sky is an Etch A Sketch/have the most amaaaaaazing back-scratch experience ever/cry about your dead hamster for hours while simultaneously convinced that the magnets on your fridge are watching you, you should swallow your drugs instead. “Consensus seemed that this was not an efficient way of dosing, and that for any future experiments, compounds should be in solution or in some cream form for better dispersion,” the participants mused.“
There was, at least, one very positive side effect: several women noted afterward that their vaginas “smelled” sweet.
Miz J has an attitude. Deal with it. Check out her NSFW comedy podcast, I SAID IT, on iTunes or follow her on Facebook or on Twitter @askmizj