By Karen Malmquist
AS THE END APPROACHES FOR OUR FAVORITE HOT MESSES, the Jersey Shore gang to put their differences aside and hug it out like a couple of reunited drunk college girls at a party.
Last week we saw Vinny ask Jionni to come outside to talk about their checkered past at Nicole’s baby shower, and it turns into a nice moment when they go on about how much they respect each other and blah, blah, blah.
They go back inside just in time for a baby bottle chugging contest. Nicole opens her presents, which include adorable baby clothes and giant bottles of wine and Cristal champagne for when she’s done nursing.
Jenni suggests that Jionni take Nicole on more dates and come around more often, saying that he has “permission” to come by the house and see his fiancé. Ouch.
Now it’s Mike’s turn to get burned. He says some kind words to Nicole about the baby shower, but she doesn’t respond, or even look at him. However, he’s also wearing basketball shorts, a bro tank, and a backwards snap-back to a baby shower, soo…
The next morning, Mike wakes up with an epiphany: it’s time to apologize to Nicole for everything he’s put her through in the past. He drives over to Nicole’s house, asking to talk. She lets him in, and they sit down. He gives a lengthy apology and explains himself and his old actions, complete with flashbacks thanks to MTV. Nicole calmly says that it’s hard to forget everything, but he was always her closest guy friend in the house, and that they always understood each other. She forgives him, and suddenly global warming is halted, and the economy zooms northward. Everything is right with the world.
Mike drives Nicole back to the shore house. Sammi decides to pull a prank on the guys by locking them outside on the balcony. The guys decide to throw some couch cushions on the deck for when they jump off, but Sam unlocks the door. When the guys come inside, Ron asks why they would even try to pull a prank on the guys.
MVP goes tanning together, and oh, look! It’s Paula! It’s not awkward until Vinny and Pauly announce that it’s awkward, but Mike and Paula don’t care. After his tanning sesh, Paula hands him a note, and they kiss goodbye.
Back at the house, Vinny takes the note and reads it out loud to Mike, Nicole, and Pauly. There’s misspelled words, an “LOL,” and even some missing words, but they manage to figure out that Paula isn’t giving up on their relationship just yet. Mike notes that Paula did look really good that day, and Nicole says, “Of course she’s gonna try and look good for you!” Then Mike says that Paula has the best natural boobs he’s ever seen.
The roommates order pizza for dinner, and discuss their plans for the night. Vinny is sick, and Nicole is knocked up, so they decide to take their scooters for a ride on the boardwalk while everyone else is at Aztec. The fact that they’re going to Aztec, the Holy Grail of club drama, means something is bound to happen (hopefully).
Nicole and Vinny hop on the scooters and use their old best person voices with each other. They “introduce themselves” and Nicole says, “Hi, my name is Karen!” in an old, haggard voice (great).
At Aztec, Paula approaches Mike, and asks him to hold her drink for a couple minutes. He says he can’t hold her drink (you know, rehab and whatnot), and Paula gets mad. Mike gets irritated that Paula doesn’t understand his situation (this is probably an inappropriate time, but… see what I did there?)
Nicole and Vinny decide to roll into Aztec on their scooters for a hot second, and then dip. As they head back down the boardwalk, someone outside of a bar calls Nicole fat. Before Nicole can say anything, Vinny puts his scooter in reverse and backs up to the name-caller. He asks if he’s really gonna call a pregnant girl fat, and they guy has no response. Like a real gangster, he rolls away. Nicole laughs, and says that he should’ve honked his horn, because of the cheesy song it plays.
The next morning, the girls accompany Nicole and Jionni to the sonogram, and they see that not only is baby Lorenzo well-endowed, he’s also giving everyone the middle finger. Afterwards, Jenni and Jionni bickering about whether or not he’s there enough for Nicole.
Later, Nicole thinks it’d be funny to mess with Deena by hiring a medium to come over and pretend to find a ton of ghosts in the house, because Deena freaks out about everything. The medium tells Deena that there’s a spirit hanging around her bed. The other girls play along while Deena starts to panic.
Meanwhile, the guys have invited Jionni out to a lounge to get to know him over some cigars and drinks (and water for Mike). Jionni talks about his family and how close he is with them. Unfortunately, just as things start to look like they’re going well, Jionni mentions what went down in Italy. Before things get weird, though, Mike explains that he and Nicole already worked things out. Jionni says that’s great, and they move on. Ronnie says that he’s just concerned because it seems like he’s not there a lot, and Jionni explains that he comes over as often as he can, despite what Jenni may say. All seems to be well among the guys now, and all we need is a sappy song, a la Laguna Beach to wrap this episode up.
Karen Malmquist is a senior at La Salle University, and is a member of the Overpopulated Peninsula comedy troupe. You can follow her on Twitter @KarenSays.