By Karen Malmquist
QUICK! SOMEBODY TELL GEORGE CLOONEY, Sean Penn, Bruce Springsteen, and FEMA that they can all go home. Hire a medium to tell Michael Jackson that We Are the World is no longer relevant, because America’s real heroes have got the Hurricane Sandy relief covered. Yup, the cast of Jersey Shore is committed to helping rebuild Seaside Heights.Yes, there are families who live in Staten Island, New York City, and various other heavily-populated areas that are practically underwater, but there are empty beach houses that no one lives in this time of year that need to be rebuilt in time for spring break. This is God’s work, people.
The cast will take a break from their meaningful and productive lives to join with Architecture for Humanity for the “Restore the Shore” benefit, airing November 15 on MTV. The benefit will feature celebrity guests and will be taking donations for the American Red Cross, all taking place in MTV Time Square studio, the old home of Total Request Live” which later became known as the place where Whitney Cummings straddled an uncomfortable Vinny Guadagnino and spread her legs while wearing a mini dress for the network’s New Year’s Eve special in 2010. The place is just oozing with class.
Guadagnino is the only cast member actually talking or seeming to really care about this event, telling MTV that they have teamed with the American Red Cross to create a PSA, urging people to donate $10 by texting “REDCROSS” to 90999.
“I’ve never had anything like this happen to me. I know every business owner on the boardwalk personally, you know, and, like, they’re good people, they all are hard-working people.”
Governor Chris Christie, who previously expressed his less than fuzzy feelings for Jersey Shore, will have to eat his words when he gets curious and turns on the telethon to see the people he once called “buffoons” and “losers” actually reading and speaking in complete sentences. And without swearing or falling down drunk. It’s been said that natural disasters really bring people together, so we can only hope that Sandy will finally put an end to the feud that has ripped our nation apart for three exhausting years.
Karen Malmquist is a senior at La Salle University, and is a member of the Overpopulated Peninsula comedy troupe. You can follow her on Twitter @KarenSays.