THE CONTESTANTS: OLYMPIAN DOUCHE RYAN LOCHTE AND BRITAIN’S H.R.H. PRINCE HARRY.
THE SETTING: a “boozy” party in a Las Vegas “nightclub pool.”
The prize: winning gold in nature’s sperm competition.
Vaginas no doubt tingled as breakout Olympian star Lochte and England’s princely bro vied against each other in the pool. The New York Daily News reports that the two dallied in the Wynn’s XS Nightclub pool about 3a.m. Monday, where Harry challenged the U.S. gold medal winning swimmer to a race.
“A bevy of bikini-clad beauties watched as Lochte counted to three on his left hand and blasted to a quick lead over the 27-year-old playboy prince,” the paper reports.
In the most unsurprising report of the century, an eyewitness told the Daily Mirror of the prince: “He was just wearing his swimming trunks and was getting quite a bit of attention from the ladies!”
Silly reporters. We all know the race really was about who’s sperm swims the fastest and first touched the wall that night.
Ladies, I encourage you strongly to tell.