CONGRATS, WE THINK

Famous Sperm Doodler Perez Hilton Welcomes A Son

By Elizabeth C.

THE QUEEN OF ALL MEDIA, PEREZ HILTON, HAS FOUND ANOTHER USE FOR SPERM OTHER THAN doodling it celebrities’ faces: The blogger has announced he became a father earlier this month.

“Dear Friends,

I want you to hear this directly from me, right here.

I am ready to announce that earlier this month I was blessed with the birth of my first child, a beautiful and healthy baby boy - with lots of hair on his tiny head!

My family is overjoyed at this newest and most cherished addition.
…
I am so humbled to welcome this little man into my life. And I am honored and ready for the challenge of guiding him through his.”

Does this mean we should now call him King of all Media? A mommy blogger? Modernity is so confusing.

Look forward to a “baby Perez” section soon at his faux eponymous-named website.