CELEBUDANTE PARIS HILTON DIDN’T WASTE TIME POOH-POOHING speculation that she was doing the nasty with Kevin Federline. The Hilton heiress and the Sperm donator two spent the last days of December partying in Sin City together, setting tongues wagging. But Paris shot down talk that the two were anything more than playas running in the same circle. Apparently even Paris has her standards, and Kevin Federline doesn’t muster. Surely they were both just trying for more face time in the media when they agreed to be snapped together?
Frankly, Paris looks like she comes from a lot healthier gene pool than Federline, who appears in photos as more than a little slimy, and I mean literally. He’s got this skiny skin, and despite the great facial bone structure, his skin is the pasty color of mashed potatoes. Perhaps Kevin has been doing a little too much partying? Or perhaps he just gets too little sleep or sunshine. Yes, I know his media machine has rescued his image, reframing him as "father of the year." But Crabby asks, as she has before, why is there never any photos of K-Daddy with wee babes in arms? The only photos I’ve ever seen are of Sean and Jayden with the bodyguard, nanny and grandma (God help them!). And it was the bodyguard that Brit refused to turn the boys over to last weekend at the end of her monitored play time. La La Land gossips have reported that it was the paid goons who called Kevin, who then thoughtfully called his attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan. If I were closer to the source, I’d be swinging down to the cop shop for a transcript of the 911 call to Brit’s house. Who made the call? What did they say? And was Federline’s attorney really at Brit’s house?
If the Mrs. Federline could actually keep a lawyer on retainer (the list is getting shorter), I would argue that it is only fair that the other half of this failed match be subjected to the same required drug testing as her. Oh, and by the way, who was watching the boys when Federline was partying all night in Las Vegas? Let me guess: the bodyguards and nannies. Yep, he’s a swell daddy.